The Crawling Hand (1963)

Truly Dreadful Film

The Worst Film Ever

what a terribly boring film. I'm sorry but this is absolutely not deserving of best picture and will be forgotten quickly. Entertaining and engaging cinema? No. Nothing performances with flat faces and mistaking silence for subtlety.

It's easily one of the freshest, sharpest and most enjoyable films of this year.

Back in the 1970's, shortly after the blockbuster of "Jaws" was released, some music editor took the hit songs of the past and edited it into a conversation with the shark where one of the cracks was "Wouldn't you give your hand to a friend?". That tongue-in-cheek commentary goes perfect with this wonderfully dreadful science fiction/horror turkey that really goes arm in arm with some of the worst movies ever made. The surprising thing about the film is that as bad as it obviously is, it is totally entertaining! Rod Lauren is the hero, a young college student with ambitions of being a great scientist, is on the beach one day with his girlfriend (Sirry Steffen), frolicking a la Troy Donahue and Sandra Dee, and all of a sudden, her screams alert him to the presence of a disembodied hand. So like any good future mad scientist to be, what does he do? Go back later and collect it of course! An altercation with his landlady (Arline Judge, a forgotten "B" actress of the 30's) leads to the revelation that the arm has a mind of its own (or at least a brain in its pulse) and is not incapable of violent acts, including murder. Poor Lauren begins to physically change a la Jekyll and Hyde (basically he looks like he has a black eye) and begins to think he's the one committing all this violence. With the aid of NASA scientist Peter Breck and the local law (lead by Alan Hale, no less!), Lauren must prove his innocence which leads to a show-down in a junk yard of old cars and wild house cats.Totally fun with so many unnecessary plot elements (Steffen's professor father objecting to his daughter's romance with Laurence even though he's the professor's favorite student), a babbling old man who runs the soda shop spouting as if he was John Carradine, "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you die", etc.), the focus on the cult song "The Bird is the Word" by the Rivington's (not "Family Guy's" Peter Griffin who would constantly break into this forgotten ditty) and Steffen's Gidget like scenes with best pal Beverly Lunsford. Then, there's Allison Hayes whom I did not actually recall seeing in this movie until realizing that she had one scene at the very beginning and pretty much disappears. I researched her character and could not find any mention of her, making her participation in this totally forgettable. I guess with her large hand swooping down in "Attack of the 50 Foot Woman", she didn't want to upstage the crawling one here.And what about the two cats fighting over the crawling hand in the film's climactic scene? Would they find it purr-fect and give it two paws up, or would they hiss and scratch their way out of the litter box this seems to have crawled up from?

Watching The Crawling Hand tonight all I could think of was The Addams Family and The Thing which was guest starring in this film. The Thing should have received top billing.It's hard to believe that so many name players were desperate for work to sign on to this film. An astronaut dies on a mission, but his severed hand takes on a life of its own and starts strangling people. And it possesses the mind of young Rod Lauren who is starting to show some homicidal tendencies.People like Alan Hale, Jr. Peter Breck, Syd Saylor so many I know from many films just look downright embarrassed to be in this thing. And in the end, the security of NASA leaves something to be desired.It's not even funny bad, just bad.

One of my guilty pleasures is watching 50s and 60s schlock horror films. So, when I found this DVD listed on Netflix, it seemed like a natural choice for me! Well, after having seen it, I can happily report that it was every bit as bad as I expected--meaning that it was fun to sit and laugh at the ineptness of this film.The movie begins with hearing that the space program has once again lost contact with one of their ships returning from the moon. They assume the astronauts are dead but don't know why. Then, suddenly, one of the men appears on the view screen. Oddly, he now has eyes like a raccoon or Robert Downey and he is screaming about having an urge to kill. He begs the people on Earth to push the self-destruct button before the ship can return and so naturally they do(!).Later, some horny teens are at the beach and bits and pieces of the ship are scattered about--including a human arm that naturally made it through the atmosphere. In such a case like this, what would you do? Yep,...take the arm home and stick it on a shelf!! And, since this is a low-budget horror film the arm comes to life and begins to kill--though how a disembodied arm can so easily find people (even though it's missing eyes and ears) is beyond me. And, when it fails to kill our dumb hero (the one who brought it home), he, too, becomes a raccoon-eyed maniac! The film is dumb but what makes it worse is that again and again, scenes were not re-shot even though they had obvious mistakes. My favorite was when the hero woke up in the back of an ambulance. When he saw the corpse next to him, he screamed AND then the corpse blinked its eyes!! Also, this same lady was seen breathing at one point AFTER she died! So my recommendation is that if you like good film, keep looking. If you like schlock and could use a laugh, give this one a try.

(Possible spoilers) not many people may know this but "The Crawling Hand" was an early MST3K episode from about '89, I think. Personally, I don't feel this was anywhere near being the worst movie they ever did, but it was still pretty bad. The story consists of an astronaut (whose lines consist mainly of "Push the red button" and "Kill" during which he sounds like a William Shatner wannabe) who is blown up and his remains, but mainly his hand are discovered later on a beach by a frolicking couple, a Swedish chick who has to read cue cards and a James Dean clone. For some reason the "James" guy goes on a killing or a dutch rub spree for any one whose seen the film all the while to NASA scientists (I think) and a dumpy sheriff (Alan Hale Jr., whose surprised)are trying to track him down. It's not really a very good movie, though the MST version was quite funny, for an early episode.