Teenage Cavegirl (2004)

Such a frustrating disappointment

It's entirely possible that sending the audience out feeling lousy was intentional

I am only giving this movie a 1 for the great cast, though I can't imagine what any of them were thinking. This movie was horrible

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

I saw this movie on HBO. Didn't see till the ending..hey..people watch porn movies for a reason and if you are guy and you are watching a not-so-bad porn movie till the end and it still hasn't served your purpose then its not worth your time.Anyway, the stars of this movie are not new. I liked kennedy johnston in this movie. Jezebel bond was OK. The best part of this movie is believe it or not - the story. Its funny because there is some rudimentary comedy in the script plus the script itself is funny. For example, the cave girl (bond) is well shaven and fair skinned and wears fashionable bikinis. The reactions of people to various situations is just hilarious. Plus Ivan Stone has tried very hard to do some comedy. A must see movie for porn and comedy lovers!

Uncle Fred Olen Ray once again gives us a little of his Retromedia "goodness" in the form of this soft-core Cinemax non-classic.A numb-nut pair are out looking at rocks when they come across a swirling vortex a "black hole" as the intelligent dolts put it. Pretty soon an attractive cave girl from one million years ago happens into out time-line and she beds her way into the future. Pretty soon her studly other half makes his way into the future as well and blazes a path through the beds of the future.Ray again delivers a passable (but barely) smut-fest that has horrible acting but some decent skin. Yeah it's barely titillating but heh! If worse comes to worse it will cure you insomnia.S10 reviews: 1/5 or 3/10

"Teenage Cavegirl", or "Bikini Cavegirl" as its known on Cinemax and Showtime, wasn't that bad of a skin flick. I thought it was kinda stupid, but softcore comedies are supposed to be stupid sometimes.We begin with a primitive couple, having sex in a cave--Tiko (Evan Stone) and Tahra (Jezebelle Bond, in a role that suits her very well). The following morning, Tahra enters a "time vortex" to escape the wrath of a giant dinosaur. She ends up in present times, in the RVof fossil hunter Richard (Alexandre Boisvert) and his girlfriend Sharon (Kennedy Johnston). After a hard day collecting dirt and not much else, Richard and Sharon go back to the RV to have sex. Little did they know Tahra was under the covers, watching them. Richard realizes he's stumbled upon a gold-mine and convinces Sharon to take Tahra home with them.Once the action moves to Richard's house, the comedy really picks up. Tahra learns to talk by watching television, and can only speak in TV commercial lingo at first (these lines are hilarious, and Jezebelle's facial expressions add to the humor). Richard ends up inviting his distinguished professor buddy, Dr. Matthews (Jay Richardson, a longtime B-movie regular). He shows up to the house, with Cynthia (Nicole Sheridan) in tow. It's never really explained what the relationship between Dr. Matthews and Cynthia is, but I suppose they had to get her into the action somehow. While Richard and Dr. Matthews perform memory experiments on Tahra, Cynthia and Sharon have a little girl-girl fun. Meanwhile, Tiko has also discovered the "time vortex" and is sniffing and grunting his way toward the house, presumably to save Tahra.The sex scenes were plentiful; in fact, I'm surprised they were able to fit so many into a 75-minute movie. Lezley Zen makes an appearance toward the middle, having a wild time in the back of a pickup truck. Once Tiko gets to the house and finds Sharon and Cynthia, a three-way just had to follow. For the most part, the scenes were quite realistic, with Lezley's and the three-way standing out as the winners.After a giant four-way, three-girl, one-guy extravaganza at the end, Tahra and Tiko go back to their own time...and we find out that they were taking a vacation in the present day, calling it "prehistoric times." In fact, they were from the future--with a giant spaceship for transportation. A mild twist, but fitting nonetheless.I consider this film tapeworthy. It has solid sex scenes and a short running time, which means there isn't a whole lot of time to worry about advancing the plot. Some dialogue, sex scene, a few more lines, then another sex scene. It did help that the lines were funny for the most part.Women: B+ (Jezebelle Bond picked up some points from me. I liked the character she played in this movie. Nicole Sheridan didn't talk much and was naked longer than she was clothed, which is always a plus. Kennedy Johnston wasn't bad either, and Lezley Zen's brief appearance solidified the grade nicely.) Sex: B+ (Plenty of sex scenes, with the majority of them vaguely resembling hardcore sex scenes. Slapping, squealing from the girls, and just enough "dirty talk" from Nicole Sheridan keep this grade fairly high.) Story: B- (This movie hangs on in the "B" range thanks to the funny lines Tahra had. Not the best movie Fred Olen Ray ever directed, but it had enough comedy to make me laugh.) Overall: B (A solid B for a solid softcore comedy. It was a fast viewing experience, and the sex scenes weren't boring to watch. Jezebelle Bond seems to have a knack for comedy if given the right material. I know she's a hardcore girl by trade, but I really liked her as Tahra. In fact, everyone in the cast except Jezebelle was also in "Genie In A String Bikini", a film that had some hilarious sequences. In short, "Bikini Cavegirl" has enough comedy to make you laugh a few times while waiting for the sex scenes to come around.)

*SPOILER ALERT**SPOILER ALERT* I bought this DVD. It was one of those deals where if you buy two movies you get a discount. In this case, I got "Teenage Cavegirl" and "Erotic Dreams of Jeannie". It was a Nicole Sheridan party."Teenage Cavegirl" is about sex, sex and more sex. Jezebelle Bond is the Cavegirl with tattoos and a healthy libido. She jumps through a blue time portal and ends up with a horny couple. Nicole Sheridan shows up as the professor's assistant who wants to assist the cavegirl out of her clothes. Many sex scenes follow. Girl/boy. Girl/Girl. Girl/Girl/Boy. It all leads up to the exciting climax in the camper. Can you guess what it is? Yeah, that's right. It's a sex scene. A dang good one too."Teenage Cavegirl" is a winner. The girls are hot and the sex is plentiful. Nicole Sheridan and Jezebelle Bond know their stuff. The final party in the camper was the highlight. I'm sure this movie will be playing on late night Cinemax someday. If you can't wait that long, the DVD is worth it.