Essex Vendetta (2016)

People are voting emotionally.

How sad is this?

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

Watching it is like watching the spectacle of a class clown at their best: you laugh at their jokes, instigate their defiance, and "ooooh" when they get in trouble.

Essex Vendetta is a strange film, most evidently through it's editing choices. The narrative limbos between linear and non and at moments majesty occurs where at others confusion takes centre stage of the experience. An art film, maybe or maybe not based (partly) on true events (Aye, it's one of those), Essex Vendetta or (On A Prayer for it's original title) is both nuanced and neurotic. It's a hard film to remember due to it being so ambiguous with it's narrative structure. However, there are a few knockout scenes which hit the mark perfectly, whilst there are others which are on the level of YouTube parody. The father's suicide by hanging particularly makes an impact, mainly due to a well chosen music track. However there are other scenes (Longer ones), that feel like they were shot on the fly with an Iphone, which they probably were. On a Prayer (This ain't no Essex Vendetta, you're fooling no one) feels as if it was made by a genius with ADD. Director Terry Lee Coker (Writer of Hooligan Legacy (2016)) has shot scenes clearly edited in camera in places, which is corker for Coker as it shows confidence and individuality quite clearly (Which is the only thing that is clear in this), but some decisions in the film were too insular (cowardly even) for the audience to understand what's going on and ultimately they, and therefore the film, suffer. A potent monologue there, a well illustrated (if clichéd) character arc here makes the experience all the more frustrating. At least if it was a complete dud, reflection would be cathartic, but it's just a task. In conclusion, Essex Vendetta is misguided, On a Prayer is misconstrued, probably was deserving of a bigger budget, or at least several re-writes. It's nice to see Essexpolitation that puts the Art back in Artistic Licence, but balance, please, not this. This is a mess. Shame, because it's sincere. Maybe too much.

I think you struggle with this one, because Essex Vendetta starts so positively, then all of a sudden your on a crash course of awfulness. The editing is diabolical, sound mix..... what sound mix. The attack on a Russian hairdressing assistant its creatively shocking, an editing abortion so shocking my five year old son could do better. Westbrook appears off her nut on drugs, alcohol or something else. Rhodes plays the same character she always plays, McKell does his best Dennis Waterman a'la Little Britain sings the theme tune, writes the theme tune, acts in the film, writes the story. The film feels like it was made up as they went along, the Maltese locations swapped sometimes for Maldon, the rest actually in Malta. Despite the poor editing, poor acting, and poor script, the worst part of the movie is the awful sound, recorded and "mixed" I use the term lightly terrible. Definitely a film to avoid.

A sixth former would have made a better job at directing this. Honestly, the worst film I've ever seen. Some bad acting, but it wasn't their fault, the director spliced it all to hell so it ended up making no sense. I very rarely share my thoughts on films, especially on the internet, but this drove me to.Poorly executed, how it's got 5/10 on IMDb is beyond me!Perhaps the film critics are related to those involved? Just don't! I wanted a cockney gangster to walk in and shoot me.I've seen chick flicks that deserve 2/10 and really bad films, but when I'd rather sit staring at my toes than continue watching the film I was looking forward to watching it deserves a very special 1/10.

**** 'original Crime thriller' Written by someone called Dan.Now if he means Original in the way that there has never been a film called Essex Vendetta made before, then fair play to him, he's spot on (or her, might be a Daniella).But other than that, it's just another wannabe gangster film written by a chap who plays a foreign policeman in this, and some other recognisable people you've seen crop up in past episodes of Bulman, Boon, The Gentle Touch, or anything Leslie Grantham was in at the height of his fame......A.K.A that time when it was okay for your mum to fancy him.But the most amazing thing about this film, is that like many other films with Essex in the title, it's literally cashing in on a place in the Borough of London famous for having the most abhorrent, plastic, pretentious people living there.Whatever element of story this has goes something along these lines.......Spencer is an ordinary man, living an ordinary life, who is about to be drawn into the dangerous and violent world of organised crime.To protect his family's future Spencer journeys from the streets of Essex to the shores of Malta on a mission that will involve murder, swearing, bad-acting, treachery, and betrayal.......I've said I'll never watch a film with the word Essex in the title, but they are my Kryptonite, the one I miss might be the Citizen Kane of sweary gangster straight to DVD films.This featured the 'talents' of one Daniella Westbrook, and that just made me laugh out loud, a former Eastender, whose private life was more entertaining than any role she's played. To me I was sold faster than you could say 'where's my septum'.But the film is your atypical cookie cutter wannabe crime flick, featuring stupid characters making stupid decisions.Spencer appears to be have a pinch of common sense, but anybody with a reasonable business income, would never even dream of going into organised crime, especially when you have the stereotypical character who appears to have mental health problems.Halfway through, the film decides to turn into The Business, and this is one of those rare occasions where I yearned for Danny Dyer to appear on screen. The Business may not be the best film ever made, but the eighties setting is authentic, and it has some interesting characters.Which this film contains none of.Dull, incoherent, and featuring a final act that steals from so many better movies, this is another film that will sell lots of units because of it's title and cover quote.Please don't be fooled, it's a terrible piece of work.