Hands of Steel (1986)

The Worst Film Ever

I don't have all the words right now but this film is a work of art.

I like movies that are aware of what they are selling... without [any] greater aspirations than to make people laugh and that's it.

It is neither dumb nor smart enough to be fun, and spends way too much time with its boring human characters.

Francis Turner (John Saxon, who I will opine is my favorite American actor in a foreign genre film ever) has created a cyborg who is 70% robot and 30% human, Paco Queruak. He programs him to kill a scientist with plans to cure acid rain (that was a big problem back in the 80's that, much like killer bees, has just gone away). However, his solution runs afoul of the military/industrial complex that Turner works for. So he must die. And guess who programs him? Donald O'Brien, Doctor Butcher, M.D. himself!However, Paco still has humanity inside and abandons his mission and sets out to discover more of his past in Arizona. There, he finds love with Linda (Janet Agren, City of the Living Dead, Eaten Alive!) in literally ten or twenty seconds of screen time. And he gets into a feud with Paul Morales (George Eastman!), a redneck trucker who don't take too kindly to strangers around these parts.Paul is an arm wrestler, too. It's no coincidence that Hands of Steel was going to come out at the same time as Over the Top (which according to this article, was filming just 50 miles away).Then it's back to the military/industrial complex, who sends a whole bunch of killers after our hero. There are bikers, mafia guys and even a ripoff of Pris from Blade Runner that Paco beats by ripping off her head. Then Paul comes back to try and kill Paco, but our hero literally crushes his head with his cyborg grip.Paco takes down a helicopter and stops Saxon, who has a giant gun, before cops surround the building ala the Rambo: First Blood. Thinking Linda is dead, Paco has gone crazy, but she survives and is able to talk him into surrendering.Directed by Sergio Martino (The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh, All the Colors of the Dark, 2019: After the Fall of New York), this movie sadly shows little of the mastery of the form he showed in his giallo work.Even worse, there's a tragedy that happened during the filming, as Claudio Cassinelli (Warriors of the Year 2072, Murder Rock) was killed when the helicopter he was in crashed. The rotor blades struck the underside of the bridge and broke off, sending the helicopter into a canyon, where Cassinelli and the pilot died. It wasn't Martino's fault, as the National Transportation Safety Board reported that there were prescription drugs in the pilot's hotel room that would have impaired his judgment. Because John Saxon was a stickler for Screen Actors Guild rules, he shot all of his scenes in Italy and refused to appear in any of the non-union American shot footage. He believes that the SAG saved his life, as otherwise, he would have been on that helicopter.At least there's a score by Claudio Simonetti of Goblin to liven things up.Hands of Stone is a kind of movie we don't get much of any longer - a movie that found life on the video shelves, a cyborg movie we could rent when Terminator was out of stock. If there's one compliment I can give this film, the art that sells it is awesome.

Look, it's not high art, it's a silly B movie about a cyborg punching the bad guys. The effects are pretty bad, the acting is worse, and the so-called future is pretty much just the 80's with a couple of shiny tubes sticking out of things. But it has a goofy charm and any time a dude tears another dude's heart out with his bare hands you've got a good time. And don't forget John Saxon!

What self-respecting movie director doesn't dream of making a film that is basically The 6 Million Dollar Man meets Roadhouse meets Over The Top meets Airwolf meets Terminator meets Deadly Prey meets The A-Team? Well, probably most of them. Most directors would rather make 'Leonardo DiCaprio Doing Very Serious Things And Looking Concerned'. However Mr. Sergio Martino is not most directors, because Hands Of Steel.Hands Of Steel is a traditional story of one man's quest to get revenge on someone for something or other. It follows the classic storyline structure of a beginning (office shootout), middle (arm wrestling tournament), and end (helicopter chase), but also shifts into hyperdrive with some groundbreakingly sizzling dialogue between the main guy (forgot his name) and that woman who was also in Eaten Alive. Ice Hot baby... I could go on and on and on, but to summarise: A film so 80s you will grow a mullet while watching it. - unless you already have a mullet, in which case your mullet will give itself a hi 5.

Evil international industrialist Francis Turner (John Saxon in top-rate smoothly villainous form) is determined to stop the interference of a world-leading ecological scientist, so he sends cyborg assassin Paco Queruak (an acceptable performance by the beefy Daniel Green) to kill the man. However, things go awry when Paco's human side takes over and he refuses to carry out his assignment. Director Sergio Martino relates the derivative, but entertaining story at a snappy pace, makes the most out of the bleak Arizona desert locations, maintains a pleasingly rough'n'ready macho sensibility throughout, and stages the thrilling fight set pieces with skill and aplomb (the dynamic and eventful last third in particular really delivers the rousing goods, with a fierce fight between Paco and a female cyborg rating as a definite exciting highlight). The nice cast of familiar Italian B-pic veterans helps a lot: George Eastman excels as arrogant and obnoxious arm wrestling trucker Raul Morales, the lovely Janet Agren contributes a sturdy turn as sympathetic motel owner Linda, Claudio Cassinelli does well as ace hit-man Peter Howell, and Donald O'Brien has a quick bit as bitter crippled scientist Professor Olster. Claudio Simonetti's moody, yet lively and funky synthesizer score hits the stirring spot. An immensely fun flick.