Apartment 1303 3D (2013)

Just perfect...

It's no definitive masterpiece but it's damn close.

best movie i've ever seen.

It’s not bad or unwatchable but despite the amplitude of the spectacle, the end result is underwhelming.

Nothing happens. Nothing is important. Absolutely nothing serves a purpouse. This is a movie that has absolutely nothing going for itself. I had no expectations and I still feel dissapointed.No one acts, no one does anything remotely human like, nothing is scary, or funny or tries to keep you awake. Tedious to tears. Do not, and I can't be enphatic enough, do NOT watch this thing.

First of all I want to make a point about Rebecca De Mornay. I really like her and I think she is a great actress and I kinda feel sorry for her in relation to this movie, because all the scenes she is in are the only good scenes, but every other scene is crap, so she probably didn't know what she was signing up for. Luckily she still manages to deliver a solid performance, however that is where the good points end. Every other cast member is a bad actor, especially the actress who plays Janet (who appears to be the main character but randomly dies half an hour into the movie). Julianne Michelle, who plays Janet, has got to be one of the worst actresses ever and the scene where her character dies was one of my favourites; not because it was good but because I didn't have to listen to her utter another damn word. Anyway, on with the other bad things... the screenplay is absolutely stupid, the story is one of the most un-original i've ever heard (ooh, someone died in an apartment and now makes new residents commit suicide, where have I heard that before). The characters are uninteresting and one-dimensional (except for Rebecca De Mornay's), the CGI is awful, and there is so much of it , even when it's unnecessary e.g. the apartment building, the view from the balcony of 1303, the bath water (grrrrrr). I dread to think what the 3D version of this movie is like. This movie has no redeeming qualities. Finally, after watching this movie, I tried to think of things in it that allowed me to be glad about the fact that I watched it. All I could come up with was that I now know that Rebecca De Mornay can sing (and is great at it) and that she can still deliver a great performance when under the worst direction and working with the worst supporting cast/screenplay. (Do Not Watch This Movie)

Okay, about five minutes in I knew I was in trouble. The sets for a start - there was only two of them. It was like I was watching a theatre play that had been transferred to the big screen. There are only three primary actresses (not counting the man who looks like George Michael without a wrecked car around him) and they mainly just bicker.The youngest daughter of the family moves into an apartment. It's blatantly haunted. So, instead of running for the hills at the first opportunity (like 99.9% of us would), she just wanders around talking to herself, getting more and more freaked out.This might not be so bad if there were some decent scares, but everything is predictable and there are no special effects (or at least not ones that weren't completely laughable). The ghost feels like it was last spotted in The Ring and the whole thing is just a mess.Rebecca De Mornay does her best to save the picture, but one half-decent performance can't make up for the rest of the dull, woeful attempt at a film. It's based on (yet another) Japanese horror film. I can only hope the original is better than Hollywood's version.Its only real plus: it's quite short. Avoid.

Seriously. This movie is pretty bad in exactly to the same way 'The Room' was, which in the case of 'The Room' made it entertaining. Of course, could I make it through 'The Room' without the Rifftrax? I doubt it. Did I make it through 'Apartment 1303'? Yes I did, but not without making up some Riffing of my own. Will I watch it again like I have done with 'The Room'? Maybe because I think I might have missed a couple things while we were discussing the plot holes but I'm dubious. Still, this is definite fodder for those of you who like to riff and make fun of movies. I gave it 5 rating because I am one of those people and this movie scores a 10 in that department so I averaged that 10 with what this movie would normally be rated by myself as a serious horror film, and rounded down. You do the math.