Vampires Suck (2010)

A waste of 90 minutes of my life

While it doesn't offer any answers, it both thrills and makes you think.

It's funny, it's tense, it features two great performances from two actors and the director expertly creates a web of odd tension where you actually don't know what is happening for the majority of the run time.

The movie really just wants to entertain people.

i shouldn't rate this movie since i haven't watched it,but i read most of the reviews and 1 of them was a review that said it was "good" and 4 of them said that the movie was bad. and most of these reviews were a bunch of people saying "UR MAKING FUN OF THE MOST AWESOME THING THE WORLD GO KILL URSELF" these people are legit taking a parody movie serious,i'm not making fun of these people i'm just saying people shouldn't take this very serious. and this is the definition of parody. parody:an imitation of the style of a particular writer, artist, or genre with deliberate exaggeration for comic effect. there you go. this movie is a joke not more than that people shouldn't take this seriously.

Vampires Suck (2010): Dir: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer / Cast: Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Chris Riggi, Diedrich Bader, Ken Jeong: In a long line of sh*t stain parodies by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer this film doesn't suck as much as Disaster Movie. In fact, it looks like an Oscar winner in comparison. On the positive end it does address the overrated popularity of the Twilight films especially when it attacks the attitude of devoted fans. Jenn Proske plays Becca who moves back in with her father and becomes fixated on Edward, a teenage vampire. He is played by Matt Lanter, and Chris Riggi plays her canine neighbour who is infatuated with her. Diedrich Bader plays Becca's father who leads the search regarding local killings. Proske plays the role inspired by Kristen Stewart and the translation is like kicking the actress while she is down. Proske whines and whimpers in an amusing attempt to convey a variation of Stewart that is exaggerated. Lanter dons the hair and pansy mannerism exaggerated from the Robert Pattinson character. Chris Riggi as the werewolf jealous boyfriend wannabe but when heated up he becomes something far short of a werewolf. Bader treats Proske like a kid while blaming the murders on the Kardashians. Ken Jeong is becoming as familiar with these films as Bader and Tony Cox and Jennifer Coolidge, and that is no compliment. This is the best effort by the duo directors who apparently dislike the Twilight phenomenon. While it does address the frustration regarding Twilight fans, the special effects are terrible and become just one more element that make this film suck all the more. Score: 4 / 10

Twilight and its sequels are a crime against literature, film, humanity in general so when I saw that the series was getting this treatment I was overjoyed. I knew some people who were self-confessed twi-hards (they've since developed brain cells and grown out of it) and they were ANGRY at this film so I knew it must be giving the series hell.Twilight is so sickeningly bad that if it weren't to be taken seriously it could pass as comedy. It effectively killed vampires, werewolves, teenage fiction and the fantasy genre for the best part of a decade and so it deserved to be mocked in every way possible and this movie manages this with success. From the unlikeable protagonist with one face to the gay werewolves, from the irritating fangirls to the incoherent plots, from the unnecessary cast changes to the franchise that seemingly just WOULD NOT DIE, everything wrong with the series is tackled head-on from the start. And so it should be: Anyone who insults the series is worthy of praise. Sure, there's the OTT sexual jokes, the unsubtle innuendos, the occasional racial undertone but this is the spoof genre and is to be expected.Twi-hards (if there are any left who haven't grown a brain and moved on to the far superior Hunger Games) will be insulted but they deserve it for liking that filth. Anything that punishes Twilight is excellent in my book and this movie is perfect for that.

With one hand, I can count how many times I have laughed in this movie. This number is one. The one time I laughed was when that black vampire said this:"I got the munchies. You know what can solve it?" "Cheetos?"-random guy"Thanks man. You're alright with me."I like that they focused Twilight a bit more and got people that actually looked like Edward and Bella. But that type of improvement is like saying that you killed one ant that is part of a 10,000 ant colony. This movie references pop culture in no way that is clever, smart, sneaky or even funny. They say a name of a famous person and point off screen, and it cuts to an impersonator of that said person. I bet that the impersonator's resume will only list this movie.I think that the script was written on a small square napkin while in the waiting room when the directors were about to pitch this idea to Fox. This movie is killing cinema. To think that this beat Scott Pilgrim vs the World on its opening day. Scott Pilgrim vs the World had more potential in the opening credits than Vampire Sucks in its entirety. Ignore this movie. Permanently.