The New Barbarians (1984)

Sorry, this movie sucks

Sick Product of a Sick System

Let's be realistic.

Pretty good movie overall. First half was nothing special but it got better as it went along.

Considering its age and that it's Italian,this movie isn't too bad.There's been a nuclear war and a group known as the Templars wants to kill everyone who survived.The main character,who is very boring and forgettable,must stop them.The special effects are so bad they're funny.The Templars shoot some kind of sticky land mine at the hero's car and it sticks to the door.He pushes a button and the door flies off and lands right next to the bad guys.There's an extremely tiny explosion and people do 3 flips in the air like a nuclear bomb hit them.This movie probably set a record for the most people to flip into the air due to a tiny explosion.There's even a few times where it looks like their lips match the audio.90% of the movie takes place in a quarry.They drive out on one side and then just go in the other entrance.Not the best story but there's just enough boobies to even it out.Definitely worth watching.

As a fan of obscure 80's drive-in and late night TV movies, I usually find something to like in even the most low-budget film. But "The New Barbarians" had absolutely nothing in it, that I can point to as giving even modest entertainment value.The soundtrack is jarring and uneven disco-synthesizer. The acting is on a grade-Z level. This is supposed to be a desert wasteland, yet the bad guys run around in pristine white costumes. The vehicles are all new looking and shiny, standard car frames covered with unconvincing sheet metal. The sound of the car motors is poorly over-dubbed with a buzzing sound. All the action seems to occur in the same quarry location.What's especially ludicrous are the tiny flash powder explosions, followed by stuntmen flying through the air as though propelled by a mini-nuke.And to think that a crap movie like this is actually available in Blu-ray. While other much-better films of this era (like "She" starring Sandahl Bergman) are only to be found on hard-to-find poorly transferred DVDs.

In the near-future (2019, to be precise), the Earth has been reduced to a barren wasteland where pockets of desperate survivors try to avoid being wiped out by The Templars, a crazy cult dedicated to eradicating the last vestiges of humanity. Patrolling the nuclear-ravaged wilderness in his gadget-laden vehicle—a cross between Mad Max's V8 Interceptor, a Bond car, and 'The Homer' from The Simpsons episode 'Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?'—fearless warrior Scorpion (Timothy Brent AKA Giancarlo Prete) tries his best to stop The Templars from achieving their dastardly goal, much to the annoyance of their supreme leader, The One (George Eastman).Following a routine pit-stop to have his car serviced by 'Young Mechanic' (played by Giovanni Frezza, that irritating blonde kid from The House by the Cemetery, who is just as annoying here), Scorpion continues his good work, rescuing post-apocalyptic glamour girl Alma (Anna Kanakis) from a Templar attack. After a night of rumpy pumpy with the grateful gal in his inflatable see-thru tent, Scorpion is ambushed by the enemy, but escapes with a little help from ally Nadir (Fred Williamson), a bow-and-arrow toting bad-ass who sports a fetching black leather and gold lamé outfit.With an injured shoulder, Alma requires urgent medical assistance, and so the trio seek help from a nearby group of Christians led by bible-basher Father Moses (oh great… religion survives the holocaust: the Earth is well and truly doomed!). There, Nadir hooks up with sexpot Vinya (Iris Peynado), who clearly isn't quite as devout as her friends. Scorpion, worried that his presence will only bring trouble from The Templars, decides to leave the compound and is promptly captured and buggered by The One in front of an appreciative crowd (I should have guessed from their outfits: shoulder pads have never been bigger!).Leaving several of his men to finish off Scorpion (kill him, that is), the One and the rest of his crew depart to attack the bible bashers, who put up zero resistance. However, thanks to a colossal level of incompetence by the guards, Scorpion is able to escape death, and after a little recuperation and some motivational talk from Nadir ("you are a coward with no courage"), sets out to liberate the religious wimps from The One and his men. Clearly still affected by his ordeal with The One, Scorpion dons the campest gear imaginable to do battle—transparent perspex armour and a codpiece—and wreaks a fitting revenge by tearing the Templar leader a new ass-hole with a gigantic car-mounted drill-bit.Directed by spaghetti schlockmeister Enzo G. Castellari, the New Barbarians is, as you have probably guessed, a derivative piece of z-grade garbage completely devoid of technical merit, but it still manages to be a rather entertaining experience thanks to the laughable costume design (which is bad, even for Italian exploitation), the woeful dialogue, the unconvincing gore, and the absolutely dire action sequences involving embarrassingly bad post-apocalyptic/futuristic modes of transportation (some of the crap golf-cart/milk float vehicles in the Road Warrior-inspired chase scenes reach speeds of over twenty miles per hour!!!).5.5 out of 10, rounded up to 6 for the unconvincing but satisfyingly excessive exploding body effects.

At first glance this film looks like a direct rip-off to "Mad Max", well it is but it has potential. It's a straight up action film not meant to be thought about, just accept the unacceptable. There is no depth at all with the story I feel very lost in how this new post-apocalyptic world came to be.Like any other action flick one guy or a small group off them attempt to take out an army of foes after a huge tie/losing street before the climax,just like this movie. The weapons and gadgets of the film are interesting and creative a bit ridiculous but it's whatever. I just wish they spent more time explaining the characters background and what the details of this new Earth after a nuclear holocaust. Again I will say nothing is given we don't even know when it happened. All we know is now and here. None of the laser guns or bulbed cars or exploding arrows are looked at in detail.The real treat of the film though is the action most of the scenes look phony, but are oh-so-entertaining to watch. From faces being burned of, to people being run over, to exploding heads, and decapitation the movie keeps it's variety trying to keep each explosion or shot fired interesting and new. Of course this is failed by over use of the exploding arrows.I'm a musician so music in film is very very important to me. I read about the score for this film being new and interesting, but it's anything but. The electronica and drum beats are repeated so often I thought the DVD was skipping. But if your just looking for an action flick, and willing to put aside story, acting, and other key elements, I suggest this to anyone. 4/10