Nuclear Hurricane (2007)

Save your money for something good and enjoyable

Powerful

Excellent adaptation.

Great example of an old-fashioned, pure-at-heart escapist event movie that doesn't pretend to be anything that it's not and has boat loads of fun being its own ludicrous self.

Looking at the front cover, it looks like a rip of atomic twister and the China Syndrome. They also use an awful front cover and it makes the movie look worse. I've seen one photo of this movie and it already looks awful. I'll stick with atomic twister for now or even Sharknado 1 or 2

The title makes this sound like one of those dodgy disaster flicks knocked out by The Asylum but I'm afraid to say that NUCLEAR HURRICANE is even worse: it's a film with two separate story lines, one involving a renegade computer at a nuclear plant and the other involving a hurricane, that have zero to do with each other despite the scriptwriter's attempts to stitch the two strands together.This is badly written indeed, a film that jumps all over the place with characters and sequences and makes little sense as a whole. There are whole interludes which are just put there to try to drag the running time out to make this reach feature length, and of course that makes for a very boring film. At least it's adequately shot, but given Fred Olen Ray's copious genre experience I wouldn't expect otherwise.What's notable here is that the script contains some truly abysmal humour, and the actors can't help but deliver it in a most stilted way. I even felt sorry for them on occasion. The hurricane stuff is so routine it's not even worth mentioning, but the 'evil' computer stuff is a little more fun, 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY rip-off though it is. Jamie Luner and Jack Scalia are really slumming it here. One thing the other reviewers didn't mention is that the film features Gil Gerard and Erin Gray teaming up on-screen together after their roles in the fondly-remembered BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY, although both have aged so much that you could be forgiven for not recognising them.

One cliché after another that fuels some awful acting. There is a lame attempt at a lesbian relationship, that would make any lesbian cringe. The programmer keeps trying to hit on the heroine, her partner, the sheriff. There is a hurricane and the probability of a nuclear plant meltdown, yet the 'maintenance man' is more concerned with eating and his lunch break - right up to the last five minutes of this disaster. A woman gives birth in a barn in the middle of a hurricane and immediately thereafter is able to run briskly up the road to a house as if she had just made toast where she, the sheriff, and the clueless programmer are met with, "oh a baby!" I won't waste the reader's time writing about the dreadful writing, acting, editing, production (de)-values in this waste of film. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

I just found myself yelling at the television for the constant repetition of the two main characters, Linda (Jamie Luner), who's ex is on the island and appears to date the female sheriff, possibly I don't know, it appears like that, and Rusty (Jack Scalia).But let's start at the beginning. What takes place is a poor version of '2001: A Space Odyssey', with the HAL 9000 being replaced by a computer called Staci. Linda and Rusty need to reboot the backup system, but the code they were given activates Security Protocol 13 (SP13), which makes Staci go berserk.Now the repetition. Now, before doing the reboot Rusty tells Staci to lock the doors to the building. Why they do this I don't know. How they can do this when there's no...proper computer software on the doors, apart from keyholes, I don't know. Now get this, when Security protocol 13 kicks in, Staci doesn't do anything the lead characters do, for example, shutting down the protocol and rebooting the backup system. So, Linda tries to leave to pick up her ex so he can fix the situation, forgetting they locked the doors. So we then get the characters asking Staci to unlock the doors, which can't be done because SP13 denies their authority, and they can't get shut it down because they don't have authority, they can't call for help because of SP13, and repeat. Despite this Linda tries getting through doors MULTIPLE TIMES, only getting the same response. Because the first hundred times worked before.Then the building has retinal scanners which Staci decides to ignore. So Linda, if the retinal scanners don't work, STOP TRYING TO USE THEM! And then asking Staci to unlock the door only leads to the same freaking thing she told you before!Now, the title of the film is misleading. A nuclear hurricane. That sounds awesome and terrifying. We get a normal hurricane. Nowhere near nuclear. A threat is what we get. I WANT A NUCLEAR HURRICANE! THAT'S WHAT THE FILM PROMISED ME!And then we have plenty of...terrible, terrible things. A pointless sub-plot of a woman giving birth, a sub-plot of Linda stealing Rusty's job, like 'Lava Storm' the settlement (an island) has an unlikely population of 9, vent shafts are not real sized (no-one builds them that big), the characters don't bother covering the camera because this might "piss her off" (though by all regards covering up the camera DOES NOT TURN OFF THE MICROPHONE!) a maintenance guy who doesn't really do much but try doors after being told they're locked, and, get this Linda trapped in a air vent in 135 degrees. We're not told whether it's 135 degrees Fahrenheit or 135 degrees Celsius, but she should have died, but nooooo. She jokes around by asking out the computer. WHAT THE HELL?That's it, I'm wrapping up. This film is terrible, it makes no sense the dialogue is terrible, it repeats itself endlessly, we don't care about the characters, it repeats itself, the acting is wooden, it repeats itself and I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!