The Doll Squad (1973)

Don't listen to the negative reviews

A lot more amusing than I thought it would be.

The film creates a perfect balance between action and depth of basic needs, in the midst of an infertile atmosphere.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

When a saboteur blackmails the US space program, a squad of female secret agents are mobilized to take him on. I absolutely adore the first half of this film, which pains me to say I really kind of hate the second half. This is not really a "good" film in any conventional sense, but the setup of the plot and assembly of the team entertained the living hell out of me. Then it really descended into one long, badly executed action sequence and my interest in the proceedings plummeted. It's saved quite a bit by the presence of Michael Ansara and Tura Satana, but not enough. Definitely watch the first half if you are fond of Z-grade schlock.

The Doll Squad pre-dates the hugely successful television series Charlie's Angels (1976 - 1981), and it's intentions are similar. After a catastrophic space shuttle launch, the clandestine group of government agents, must form to conquer this criminal conspiracy. Sabrina Kincaid (Francine York) is called to gather the scattered doll squad, a group of female agents. Practically all American films and television in the 1970's that involved crime were embroiled in conspiracy, from Starsky and Hutch (1975 - 1979), Police Woman (1974 - 1978) to The Amazing Spider-Man (1977 - 1979), and this film seems to have paved the way. It's certainly true that the producer of Charlie's Angels (Aaron Spelling) did go to the premier of The Doll Squad.The films production is obviously incredibly low budget. Ted V. Mikels was previously known for the grindhouse cheapie's The Corpse Grinders (1971) and Blood Orgy of the She-Devils (1972), but this film's production values certainly rise above the limitations, and also look a lot better than the horror films. Where the film really fails is in the pace. It struggles through several clunky dialogue scenes, and often uses a piece of funky, disco-esque soundtrack (which is used far too much throughout the film) seemingly to attempt to give a dull scene a bit of pep - such as what appears to be either a fast walk down a long corridor, or a slow walk in a short one.However, when the action does heighten, and that same piece of music is used appropriately, the film does have its moments of fun. It's always good to see the heavily made-up, statuesque '70's women beating up the weak men, from the women in prison movies, to proto-punk Switchblade Sisters (1975) - and of course their raison-d'etre, seduction. The film also boasts an appearance by Tura Satana, who was electric in Russ Meyer's Faster Pussycat. Kill! Kill! (1965). Whilst the film has it's lagging moments, and tedious dialogue, it doesn't ever really become boring. All the limitations actually function well within the context of the ludicrous scenes, and gives the film humour. A lasting example would be, of course, the technical effects for explosions. Mikels's solution? Superimpose a flare of red over the exploded object, then cutting object out: ridiculous, cheap-as-chips, hilarious!

Perhaps it would take a trained psychotherapist to figure out why I persist in renting out movies by director/producer Ted V. Mikels, after so many repeated disappointments. From bad ("Blood Orgy of the She Devils") to worse ("The Corpse Grinders"), from rock bottom ("The Astro-Zombies") to repugnant ("The Worm Eaters"), the man has let me down time and again. Yet I had to go take a look at his 1973 offering, "The Doll Squad," despite all that, AND despite the fact that I've never been a fan of the overrated '70s TV phenomenon "Charlie's Angels," which this flick supposedly served as inspiration for. Well, the good news is that this Mikels effort may be marginally better than those others; the bad news is that, well, this is still a Mikels film, to which he brings his patented...what's the opposite of "touch of gold"? Touch of crap? The story here concerns an ex-government agent, played by Michael Ansara, who's been blowing up U.S. rockets and is threatening the world with bubonic plague, and the efforts of Doll Squad leader Sabrina (Kincaid, not Duncan) and her kick-ass babes to stop him cold. Though the film's first 15 minutes or so, featuring the gruesome murders of two of the Dolls, are promising, the picture quickly deteriorates into the typical Mikels mishmash of lousy direction, poor editing and awful FX. Though the Dolls are pretty fierce in action, more than willing to shoot their foes in the back or when they're already unconscious, most of that action is confined to murky, hard-to-follow gunplay. Francine York, it must be allowed, is pretty good as the head Doll, and quite a package to look at, as is everyone's favorite pussycat, Tura Satana. A larger budget and a more accomplished filmmaker might have been able to salvage what on paper must have seemed a pretty reasonable entertainment. As it is, if I ever rent out another Ted V. Mikels movie, someone, please, institutionalize me!!!

Director Mikels claims this was the inspiration for "Charlie's Angels." Maybe so or maybe not, but this film turns out to be a fairly standard 3 girl/4 girl formula exploitation acioner. Some funny scenes, like the exploding enemy agents. Satana is wasted in a supporting role. This one probably satisfied the drive in crowd in 1973, but it doesn't have too much to recommend it now, even to fans (like me) of this stuff, because it's a bit too clunky.