Lost Woods (2012)

So much average

The joyful confection is coated in a sparkly gloss, bright enough to gleam from the darkest, most cynical corners.

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

The best films of this genre always show a path and provide a takeaway for being a better person.

This hyper low budget movie I found on the Kings of Horror channel on Youtube and that rarely bodes well. I'm not saying the average Kings of Horror movie is bad I'm.....wait, yes I am.This tells the story of a group of friends who venture into the forest to camp and come across something unpleasant. Pretty standard stuff.Truth be told though I found myself oddly gripped. The opening was fantastic (Amateurish but fantastic) it looked great, the song choice was good and I actually found myself having expectations!Sadly it didn't maintain the same level of quality, it had it's moments don't get me wrong but it started looking shoddy fairly early on. To it's credit the movies monster looks fairly good, but I'm not convinced it needed the glowy eyes which really looked out of place.The story was generic but passable, though parts did feel rushed.Sadly the ending was pretty poor, maybe I didn't "Get it" but to me it seemed stupid and totally unnecessary.Good effort despite the current 2.3 rating on IMDB. I see what they were going for, it just missed the mark.The Good:Fantastic opening creditsDecent soundtrackYeti actually looks quite goodGreat opening monologueThe Bad:Some of the acting is atrociousNot sure about the glowy eyesPredator rip off sceneThe ending is confusing and dumbThings I Learnt From This Movie:When returning a body back to their home the next day, bury them for the nightRight next to big barrels labelled "Highly explosive" is a great place to use fireworks

Seriously? C'mon man. I usually go into a movie expecting only what it delivers...and...I got what it delivered...Zero. Take every reviewer before me and commit their write-ups to heart. I really tried to make it through the movie until one of the characters started smearing the monster (chuckle) crap all over his face. (Definitely a cutout from Predator). The one dude that gave the movie six(?)stars was either joking or was smoking something mighty fine. Not going to repeat prior reviewers comments. They said it for me......Q(:-}Watch for the dude that got caught in the bear trap doing the 400 meter in Olympic time.Watch also for Mike Tyson dressed as the Monster....jabs were slightly off.

1. I think the characters' tattoos were done with Sharpie pens. 2. Pretty much the whole movie was filmed in the daytime -- so they all went to bed around 5 PM, or so (maybe earlier) -- I am guessing it was so that they could film the whole thing in a few hours. 3. Porno movies have better acting... Hell, porno movies have better PROPS(they used the same rifle for two different characters). During target practice they shot a rifle at FULL beer bottles... oh, and the rifle's scope cap was on for some of the target practice. Rather than re-shoot the scene with the scope cap off, they just made sure that it was off for the last guy practicing with the rifle. Good thing they caught that one. 4. The "bad" guy is an actor dressed up in a big furry suit. A yeti or big-foot kind of thing, except this one throws actual punches. Seriously. Uppercuts, roundhouses, jabs... none of that normal slashing or clawing one might expect. 5. At some point the campers return to find their friend impaled on what is perhaps a truck's tailpipe... everyone gets upset yet no one actually asks what happened or why... they bury him, regardless, in a hole big enough for a pet garter snake. 6. If you watch this movie and are disappointed, it's your own fault. Quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen.

Right, well "Lost Woods" starts off as your average late teenage camping movie far, far out in the woods. Of course, in ideal setting for a horror or slasher movie. And the movie was shot in a great way, with lots of really nice shots in the forest. But then it all went downhill.The movie was so amazingly slow in progressing, that I actually dozed off twice within the first half of the movie. Yeah, it was that uneventful and dull. But once you get past the halfway marker of the movie's length, then finally the movie picks up pace. Then you also get to see the creature.And speaking of the creature. Are you kidding me? A man in a furry suit and with blueish-glowing eyes? Yeah, alright, it was oh-so-scary (hope you can see the sarcasm oozing off the words here). Sure it was the creature from the cover of the movie, but I had expected something else, not just some pumped-up sasquatch wanna-be man in a furry suit. That was such an eyesore. It was fast at foot, agile and quite adept at running, despite looking as big as a bear. And when it attacked people, it was throwing punches at them like a pro boxer. Wait, what? Yeah, it was jabbing and punching at the people it attacked. And it also had unbelievable jumping abilities, managing to jump clear over a rather wide chasm."Lost Woods" has a relatively small list of people on the casting roster, and the people in the movie actually did good enough jobs, so it wasn't here that the movie was haltering. No, it was in its slow pace and stupid story - and the fuzzy ewok on steroids.This movie was rather disappointing and there were no scare moments at all in the movie, unless you consider dozing off a couple of times scary.The worst part of "Lost Woods" had got to be the transformation scene at the ending of the movie. That was just so cheesy. And, oh dear God, how could they have come up with that and said to themselves 'yeah, that seems possible'? I was shaking my head in disbelief and laughing so hard here.Now, if you like monster movies, scary movies, thrillers, etc. then "Lost Woods" is perhaps not the best of choices. What would make the movie worth watching is the cinematography, because there really was some nice camera work and great shots in the forest in the movie. Sadly, however, that wasn't enough to make the movie interesting for me.This is a movie that will never make it for a second watching in my lifetime, it just wasn't worth the effort.