Neon Maniacs (1986)

the audience applauded

As somebody who had not heard any of this before, it became a curious phenomenon to sit and watch a film and slowly have the realities begin to click into place.

The best films of this genre always show a path and provide a takeaway for being a better person.

Excellent characters with emotional depth. My wife, daughter and granddaughter all enjoyed it...and me, too! Very good movie! You won't be disappointed.

I felt greatly let down by this pitiful excuse for a movie. I wasn't under the impression it would be Shakespeare but going by the cool cover art I did think it would at least be something of a monsterfest type film along the lines of "Spookies", which is one of my all-time favourite fun horror movies. But sadly it soon turned out to be nothing but a confused tiresome mess that I found downright insulting in its plain unapologetic stupidity. Like the number one thing that bugged me about it was the most obvious thing: Where, who, and what the f**k were the Neon Maniacs!? Oh they just magically sprung from the scary iron door beneath the Golden Gate Bridge.. Pathetic! I'm not five years old, give me something to go on! You don't know if they're mutants, demons, robots, nothing! So not cool! I hated the music that'd instantly start playing whenever they appeared, it really grated on me. And some of the actors were really awful, like the main guy Steve who played a cheesy rock number near the end, he couldn't have said his lines with less feeling if he'd tried. There was just way too much wrong with it and too many gaping plot holes for me to ignore and I just couldn't enjoy it enough as a result, there was no story! And it's a shame because I really thought there were some interesting themes and the potential for something special buried deep in this hopeless picture that could've been great if the plot had been adjusted and it had been directed better. I think it could have been a classic of 80s horror instead of what it is. I liked the character of the teenage girl who was a horror movie buff not unlike young Tommy Jarvis from Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. I wish they would've done the story so that the Maniacs had been monsters from horror comics that had somehow come to life and they were after the girl because it was her doing - if nothing else it would have offered a passable explanation as to their laughable fatal weakness to water! And the thing with the trading cards when the fisherman gets axed in the back made me wonder if at one point they had considered going for something of a Garbage Pail Kids idea. Yet another neat angle that is just lazily discarded.. Again, shame, there was potential! And I did like the gang of monsters, there was some good eerie moments with them. The scene where the mad doctor chloroforms the poor guy and cuts out his still beating heart is very macabre and scary, and the weird little cyclops alligator thing was so adorable! All of the makeup effects on the monsters was nice, and they each had a distinct look and personality, but you can't build a movie just on that alone, at least not without a little information for the audience to go on, and it just feels horrendously incomplete and unfinished to me, not good enough at all, they should have shelved it. Anyway that's all just my opinion, if you love it more power to ya, but I don't get you man, I don't get you at all! Utter trainwreck, in fact I'd say that if you wanna see how not to make a movie watch this monster!

A group of teenagers are partying in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park when they are over run by the neon maniacs a collection of mutants, monsters and ghouls. Hanging, decapitation, stabbings and many other forms until the only survivor is Natalie (Sarelle). The Police don't believe her and she can only convince Steven (Hayes) the grocery delivery boy who has a crush on her. A fellow classmate Paula (Locke) also experienced an encounter with them while making a movie in the Park. Eventually Natalie and Steven allow Paula to join them and they discover that water will kill them! What? So they arm themselves with Squirt guns and head to the school dance where Stevens' band is competing in a battle of the bands. The gig is invaded by the maniacs and all hell breaks loose. No explanation is ever given to who or what the maniacs are and why they live under the Golden Gate Bridge. We also don't know why the live in rainy San Fran when water is what stops them. Wrapped inside this goofy storyline is a movie that is very well lit and slickly made. The gore and effects are the reason to watch here and its harmless 80's fun. Kendall Schmidt's musical score is annoyingly bad even for the time period. It would have fit better on a TV sitcom than in a horror film. There is mindless fun to be had if you completely check your brain at the door.

See, there are these twelve Neon Maniacs who live under the Golden Gate bridge and come out at night to kill people. No reason really, they just do. Natalie (Leilani Sarelle) sees all of her partying friends offed by this gnarly group but no one will believe her because the only thing left at the scene of the crime is some neon goo. Insert Steven (Alan Hayes), a fellow high school student who has the hots for Natalie, and Paula (Donna Locke), a young horror obsessed tomboy, to form a trio of folks who the cops won't listen to. This NEON MANIACS madness is really something and plays with the same logic of the home movies I made when I was a 12-year-old. Sad when you realize director Joseph Mangine was in his 50s when he made this. We never get any history on the titular creatures or learn why they are so intent on tracking our leads. But we do know they melt when water gets on them (you listening M. Night?). I guess you could get away with stuff like this in the 80s if you throw some slime around, which this film does plenty of. Probably the only film in the history of cinema to have the heroes discussing ways to off the monsters and one says, "Hey, isn't the battle of the bands tonight? We can do it there!" Insert two dueling bands (new wave vs. heavy metal) duking it out while the Maniacs converge on the school. The film ends with the hope of a NEON MANIACS II and I'm still, like, totally waiting.

As bad films go, this one's pretty enjoyable.Anchor Bay, not long ago, released a wonderful widescreen DVD of NEON MANIACS. But you can also enjoy this on tape, because VHS copies are still floating around at used video stores. And perhaps an old VHS tape might be better for generating that 80's feeling... This is the infamous low-budget horror flick from 1985 that boasts a gaggle of weird, oozing monsters--each with a different look and method of killing--who come out at night, ready for action. The movie takes place in San Francisco--and the monsters actually make their home under the Golden Gate Bridge (!). Sure, why not? It could happen. The title monsters are NEVER referred to as "Neon Maniacs" by any of the characters. A narrator has a brief speech early on in the film and says something like "The children's path shall be darkened...by the SHADOWS of the...NEON MANIACS." (Yeah. Whatever.) But that's the only time you hear the term, and as a justification for the title, it's flimsy at best. AND, as noted by many, the monsters are NEVER explained in any way. At all! Near the end of the film there is a climactic scene at a high school costume dance featuring an astounding "Battle of the 80's Bands" (one a Rick Springfield knockoff, the other a lame heavy metal group) that will have you squirming and your face contorting into various peculiar grimaces and scowls. Yow! This is a time capsule film. You watch it to see what things looked like, what was going on twenty-odd (very odd) years ago. But please take care: What you see, you may find upsetting.80's horror had its own very unique and pointless stamp, and this is one of the best examples of an endearingly BAD 80's horror film--just as THE BREAKFAST CLUB is one of the best examples of an endearingly good 80's teen film. That is to say, NEON MANIACS, despite how awful it is, is memorable. It gives you a strange warm happy feeling inside when you watch it. And when it's over, you think about it--chortle to yourself over it. You might even recommend it to your friends. And you know perfectly well that it's not a good movie at all! That it's one of the worst movies you've ever seen!! See it tonight! Yes, it's crap. Yes, it's fun.