Nikos the Impaler (2003)
Due to a botched robbery attempt, a ruthless Romanian barbarian is somehow resurrected in modern day New York and begins wreaking havoc on a small Manhattan art-house. Chaos ensues as the patrons of the establishment band together to fight for their lives. (IMDb)
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Waste of time
Just perfect...
Dreadfully Boring
One of the most extraordinary films you will see this year. Take that as you want.
Just pass on it. I can't tell you how disappointed I am in this movie. It looks and sounds terrible, the acting, ugh! Not a fan.
The tag line on the DVD box says it all: "The Big Apple Gets A New Immigrant And A Very Big Problem." Oh so true. Unfortunately, that immigrant isn't the barbaric Romanian Impaler, it's the lame-ass German director. Geez. If your only interest is cheap but plentiful gore, and strippers taking showers, then director Andreas Schnaas delivers. If you want a story or acting or any of the other crafts associated with motion picture story telling, you must go elsewhere. It's easy to see why his films are also known as Violent Sh*t. His list of actors makes me think that he cast the film at a horror convention. Nothing wrong with that. Sadly, he gives few of these Grade-Z horror movie veterans anything to do. Joe Zaso, in particular, is wasted as a romantic lead.The most interesting thing about the film is the commentary track by the director. Listening to it, you come to the distinct conclusion that he felt he made a good film. Now that's hilarious.
Not as great as Violent Sh*t 3, Nikos the impaler is still a funny no-brainer bloody movie. It features a very good amount of gore, dismemberment's and blood to keep entertained the audience, of course, don't pretend good acting (in this one, don't pretend mediocre acting...the acting is just awful) or good "plot". The movie is boring the first 30 minutes but then it becomes a non-stop gory schnaas typical madness. As i wrote before, not as great or gory as VS3 but still entertaining. The plot: Nikos is a barbarian that comes back to life in actual NY. Then he begins killing everyone. Apart from the killings, you get for the same price: some ninjas, a zombie, an old lady splited in two by a sword an...Adolf Hitler!!! 6/10
Prepare to laugh like you've never laughed before, people. Andreas Schnaas is the new Ed Wood! He can barely line up a shot, and whoever edits for him acts like he just bought his first iMac and is trying to puzzle his way through iMovie without reading the manual or even the onscreen tutorial. This is absolutely glorious cheese, a one-movie festival of filmmaking ineptitude, with performances that wouldn't pass muster in a high school play. The gore scenes will have you rolling on the floor in such convulsions of hilarity that EMS might have to be called in to feed you oxygen. When Nikos is brought back to life and promptly hacks off the head of the grandmotherly museum curator (with a totally "plywood spray-painted silver" sword), I thought I'd wake up the whole block with my laughter. This movie is fecal beyond the dreams of proctologists, but I swear, if you want to have an MST3K movie party at your place one night, your guests won't need to get wasted or toke up to appreciate this comedy of errors!Actual worth as a film: 0/10 "Cracking up all your friends at a party" value: 10/10