Night Train to Terror (1985)

good back-story, and good acting

Absolutely the worst movie.

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

Trashy mid-'80s horror anthology Night Train To Terror opens with a hilarious musical number aboard a steam train, as a truly terrible pop/rock band and their 'rejects from Fame' dancers party their way to Las Vegas; meanwhile, in another carriage, God (Ferdy Mayne) and Satan (Tony Giorgio) discuss the merits of good and evil, illustrating their points with a trio of macabre stories.With each of these tales comprising of clumsily butchered and messily re-edited footage from three full-length films, plus a few added special effects to pep things up a bit, the results are disjointed and often incoherent, but the juicy gore and a fair amount of female nudity ensures that they still prove mindlessly entertaining.Story number one, The Case of Harry Billings, is a hotchpotch of random scenes from unfinished 1981 movie Scream Your Head Off. It stars John Phillip Law as a man who finds himself a patient at a sanatorium where the doctors chop up beautiful women and sell the body parts to medical schools. Under hypnosis, Harry is forced to lure a series of babes to the hospital, but eventually comes to his senses and tries to escape. With lots of big breasted naked women, gory severed limbs, and a cool decapitation, this segment is a lot of fun despite the narrative being all over the place.After some more terrible music and poorly choreographed dance moves from the young revellers, it's on with episode number two, The Case of Gretta Connors, which sees musician/porn star Gretta (Merideth Haze) falling for graduate student Glenn (Rick Barnes), much to the annoyance of her manager George Youngmeyer (J. Martin Sellers). To try and get even with the couple, George forces them to join a 'death club' (the original film used for this part was called Death Wish Club), where participants take their chances with a series of potentially fatal games. Shonky stop-motion animation, an exploding face, an electrocution that results in a melted head, and yet more nudity keeps boredom at bay.After another chance to marvel at the sheer awfulness of the band and their troupe - this time with break-dancing - it's onto the final story, The Case of Claire Hansen, which uses footage from 1980 Omen-inspired horror Cataclysm. Faith Clift plays surgeon Claire, who is chosen to defeat the devil's emissary Mr. Olivier (Robert Bristol) by cutting out his heart and placing it in a wooden box fashioned from Christ's cross. Once again, the plot is chaotic, with Cameron Mitchell's police officer adding very little, but with the cloven-hoofed Mr. Olivier, more poorly executed stop-motion (including a spider demon that drags a monk to Hell), and some splattery surgery, this is just as much fun as the other two tales.Having examined all three cases, God and Satan sit tight as the train crashes, at which point the band and the dancers are judged and sent to either heaven or hell. It doesn't make much sense, but that's all part of the fun.6/10.

This is one of those films that borders on being a cult classic, depending on who you are. God and Satan are riding on a party train that is doomed to crash at dawn, all on board will be dead...all the musicians, break dancers, shags, and sweatbands. There is a basic low level theological discussion of good and evil and free will as our twosome looks at three separate cases forming an anthology. The segments include an asylum, a death club, and some Nazi satanist. The film includes the "God is Dead" movement made to look idiotic.This typical 80's film is available on many multi-packs. It is front loaded with nudity, mostly blondes strapped down to a table.Guide: No swearing. Sex and Nudity (Lisa Watkins, Micki Anne Corbin, Merideth Kennedy, Merideth Haze...basically this film was career killers for all these women too.)

This is what you get when three unrelated movies are crudely patched together to form an outrageously tacky'n'trashy horror anthology with one wonderfully awful and idiotic wrap-around section based aboard a speeding train populated by singing and dancing young folks bouncing all over the place while God (smoothly played by Ferdy Mayne sporting a snowy white beard and hair) and Satan (a nicely oily portrayal by Tony Giorgio) debate about the fates of three souls in an adjacent compartment. The messy individual stories deal with a sinister clinic that traffics in human body parts, a young man who falls for a lovely lass who's involved with a creepy death-obsessed club that participates in inventive variants on Russian roulette, and a female doctor and a feisty Jewish holocaust survivor (a jittery Marc Lawrence) who are both terrorized by the son of the Devil. Man, does this uproariously atrocious abomination cover all the essential pleasingly lousy'n'lurid Grade Z cinema bases: Tacky (far from) special effects (the cruddy stop-motion claymation monsters in the last vignette in particular are a sidesplitting sight to behold), wonky continuity, faded names Cameron Mitchell and John Phillip Law desperately trolling for a paycheck, plentiful tasty gratuitous distaff nudity, a seriously loopy and nonsensical script by Philip Yordan, more spastic break dancing than a dozen 1980's rap music videos, cheesy gore, a hapless narrator working serious overtime to give the disjointed tales a slight semblance of coherence, some clumsily staged martial arts, and an insidiously catchy'n'gnarly theme song that once heard is downright impossible to forget. As an added plus, Richard Moll appears in two segments with a full head of hair. A hilariously horrendous hoot and a half!

I cant believe i watched this crap. it was horrible. the rock band was so bad i die a little when i hear the song. it makes ed wood look like james cameron or steven Spielberg. its that bad. there was no story, no logic and is it to much to ask of sense from a movie?? its like a degraded version of creepshow that makes the effects any movie in the 1900s look good. the acting was terrible. there was even a part in the beginning where you can see they switched rooms. its so obvious! and can they EXPLAIN?? is an explanation to much to ask for? SERIOUSLY!! do yourself a favor and don't watch this. it makes plan 9 from outer space look like avatar. making this movie went like this: director: hey guys im making a movie called night train to terror. do anything you want but change the title. heres 5 bucks meet me back here tomorrow.according to the making of, thats what happened. the money used to make this should hav gone to feeding the poor.