The Haunted House of Horror (1969)

The Worst Film Ever

For all the hype it got I was expecting a lot more!

Blistering performances.

This movie feels like it was made purely to piss off people who want good shows

This is one of those films with a pretty poor reputation that means I haven't got around to watching it until now. I wasn't missing much. THE HAUNTED HOUSE OF HORROR – one hell of a title that has little to do with the film itself – is notable as one of the earliest examples of the slasher genre, the sort of film where lots of pretty young folk are offed one by one by an unknown killer. It has assured direction by Michael Armstrong, who afterwards went to the continent to shoot grisly witchcraft horror MARK OF THE DEVIL, and a cast of youthful actors who were once big names in their heyday.Frankie Avalon, a one-time singer, has one of the major roles playing his typical character – young, handsome, popular with the ladies, charismatic to boot. He could almost be said to be playing himself. Then there's an obnoxious Richard O'Sullivan, before he found fame on television, and red herring George Sewell, who lurks around looking shifty a lot but that's about it. Dennis Price pops up as an inspector but he only gets a couple of scenes himself, while Jill Haworth's sole contribution is to sit around and look pretty, which she does well enough.Unfortunately, although the film looks good, it goes nowhere. The script is sub-par and the story plodding. It takes an age for the set-up to get going, and then things look like they're going to pick up with an exceptionally shocking and gory murder sequence about halfway through. Then things kick back to first gear and nothing else happens until the denouement, which itself consists of a couple of people chatting in a room for about ten minutes while suspense builds. There's more gore at the climax, and then everything's left unfinished, so it feels as if they ran out of money.Aside from those two murders, there's nothing to remember about this movie. The characters are trite, self-centred, and rather irritating, particularly in O'Sullivan's case, and the incredibly annoying Veronica Doran is another detraction the film has. There's far too little incident taking place, which would be all right if this was an exercise in atmosphere building, like some of the Italian gothics from the same era, but it's not. I enjoyed looking at the colourful '60s costumes and sets, but that enjoyment only went so far – and in the end I was just sitting, waiting for something – ANYTHING – to happen. It never did, which is why this one's a dud.

Right. Where to begin? Let's start with the title. Although it's not possible to prove the house wasn't haunted, there is no evidence to suggest that it might be, either in the script or actually on screen. But that's not the only thing that makes no sense. Not by a long chalk. Sure there are continuity errors, such as the outside shots filmed in daylight supposed to take place during the pitch dark night, but the worst incongruities are in the plotting. Nothing anybody does or says makes any sense whatsoever. From discussing complicity in a covered up murder while standing outside a police station, to the clichéd girl who "just can't stand to be in this old house" with all her friends, who therefore elects instead to walk alone across a dark forest and hitchhike from the road while dressed as a sci-fi hooker. All that said, if you're the sort of person who reacts to the sight of a policeman saying "I know we're supposed to be ogres, but I assure you we're not biting today" by thinking "WTF? Since when are ogres famed for biting?" you might just enjoy it on as many levels as I did.

Haunted House of Horror, The (1969) * 1/2 (out of 4) Frankie Avalon and a group of friends are bored hanging out in an apartment so they go walk around a haunted house when one turns up butchered. Was a member of the group or perhaps a ghost? The only way to find out is by the group going back there at a later date to see once and for all. This British film from the Trigon Productions has a few interesting items but for the most part this thing is deadly dull from start to finish. I have an issue with many British horror films and that's because they talk and talk and talk and don't ever know when to shut up. That curse follows this film as we get plenty of talk and most of it has nothing to do with the main plot point of the film. The subplot involves a young woman trying to break free from a married man, which seems to be more fitted for a soap opera so why on Earth throw it into a slasher movie? The performances are okay for this type of film with Avalon leading the way and I'm sure he was the first to cash his paycheck. The film is great to look out with the wonderful colors and set design but you still need a story to make all of that count. There are a couple very bloody murders, which I was surprised to see and I'll give the filmmakers credit for the ending, which doesn't go the way you might expect. Even with that said this is a very hard film to get through because of how dull it is.

I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by this one; I went in expecting nothing and actually found a more than decent horror movie. The film is directed by Michael Armstrong, a British man who would go on to direct the excellent 'Mark of the Devil' a year later. The title is a bit misleading as it makes the film out to be a haunted house movie, when in fact it's closer to the slasher genre if anything. The film takes place in sixties 'swinging' London and focuses on a group of young friends. They're out one night and looking for a party when one of them suggests that they go to an old house that is supposedly haunted. Their party turns sour when one of the friends gets sliced by an unseen killer and, believing they would be in trouble with the local bobby's if they come forward, they decide to dispose of the body themselves. I have to admit that the film is really quite predictable and even though it's a "whodunit", there's never a great deal of mystery surrounding anything in the film. The film is very well shot, however, and the director does a good job of capturing the swinging sixties feel. It's also a very colourful film, which is nice. The acting is rubbish of course, but that's not too important and it all boils down to a nice little twist at the end. I can't say this is brilliant stuff; but it's not bad and worth a look for horror fans.