Horror Hospital (1974)

Undescribable Perfection

Excellent, Without a doubt!!

It's not great by any means, but it's a pretty good movie that didn't leave me filled with regret for investing time in it.

It's easily one of the freshest, sharpest and most enjoyable films of this year.

Robin Askwith before he started doing his 'Confessions' plays a jaded rock star who gets sent to a country retreat to chill out. On the way there he meets a girl (Vanessa Shaw) who is also on her way to the retreat to see her aunt.Well once they arrive at the Gothic mansion it is not long before Askwith cops off with the lovely Shaw but soon realises that something is not right in this health farm.The sinister Dr Storm is performing brain surgery on the guests that lobotomises them where they are in effect zombies. If anyone escapes then various sinister henchman go after them or a limousine with sharp blades will decapitate them, although you will wonder how that is possible, maybe chop you knees off but not your head!Shaw realises that his aunty is in with this demented scheme with Dr Storm and they try to escape aided by the resident dwarf.The film is certainly bizarre, some sex, some exploitation, camp and it is ludicrously demented but it does not always amount to fun and is certainly not very scary.Michael Gough really dials it up as the campy Dr Storm and his assorted oddball assistants just adds to the bizarre. However it is not very scary and often silly especially when Shaw's boyfriend suddenly turns up looking for her. Still if you are looking for a curious 1970s mild British horror, you can drop in at the Horror Hospital.

"Horror Hospital" is a great deal of fun, and worthy viewing for horror fans who can appreciate high camp. It's macabre, to be sure, but it's clearly never meant to be taken that seriously.Robin Askwith of various "Confessions" films plays Jason Jones, who's kicked out of a rock group and decides that he needs some R & R. At the suggestion of a friend, he checks out an outfit named "Hairy Holidays" (!), who offer as an option a trip to a health spa / country manor. Unfortunately a lot of ghoulish stuff goes down at this place, and it's all supervised by the demented Dr. Storm (Michael Gough). Accompanying Jason is new acquaintance Judy Peters (Vanessa Shaw), who's trying to connect with her Aunt Harris (Ellen Pollock), who works with the bad doctor. Also along for the ride are put upon dwarf Frederick (Skip Martin) and Abraham (Kurt Christian), who shows up at the place while "looking for his chick".With all of the elements thrown into this bloody brew, it would be hard NOT to have a good time with it. We get zombies (or, rather, people who've been rendered zombie-like), nefarious "bike boy" henchmen, a lethal and nifty decapitating limousine, and a mysterious pulpy monster hanging around the premises. The movie just gets right down to business and delivers some pretty priceless moments. It never really goes for credibility - who wouldn't want to leave a place the moment they saw a bloody bed? - instead opting for off the wall horror movie theatrics. It's just a hoot.And much of the cast does a fine job of playing things straight, with the exception of the delightful Mr. Gough, playing his villain with lip smacking gusto, and the hilarious Martin, who has one GREAT sequence where he has his work cut out for him as he tries to unlock a cell door. Askwith is lively and engaging, Shaw makes for a very appealing and attractive bird, and Christian has the best entrance in the film, as his first appearance is underscored by a peppy musical theme that he seems to be able to hear!The library music used for the score is thunderous stuff, while the rock song heard near the beginning is a riot. Decent doses of gore also help to spice things up, and things really get cooking for the climactic action.All in all, this comes recommended to genre buffs, and is truly deserving of more recognition.Seven out of 10.

Those who deprecate this film for its wooden acting, improbable plot, ridiculous dialogue, and dire special effects are missing the point. It's a romp. More tongue-in-cheek spoof of Hammer Horror than anything else, this openly silly flick is fabulously enjoyable. Just don't expect to be scared, because it's meant to be ludicrous. The scene of a dwarf (the superb Skip Martin) arranging a pair of drugged biker guards in order to use them as a stepladder is brilliantly funny, and evokes classic comedy from the era of Vaudeville. Laurel & Hardy, Bob Hope, and Abbot & Costello also appeared in tongue-in-cheek "scary" movies of a similar ilk, but this quintessentially British product throws in a cheerful dollop of seaside-postcard "Carry On" style foolishness with Robin Askwith from the "Confessions of ..." sex comedy series.Enjoy!

In Britain between the rise of Hammer Horror films, sometime around 1958 and the release of their version of 'Dracula', and the early/mid 1970's there were scores of cheep horror films released. These can, I believe, be placed into one of three categories, Low Budget Classic (ie the aforementioned 'Dracula', its stablemate of the same period 'Frankenstein', 'The Pit and The Pendulum' etc), Cult Films like 'Circus of Horrors', 'Scream and Scream Again' etc, and the outright awful! Guess which category I would place 'Horror Hospital'?! This film is simply ludicrous, far too illogical, even within the world it has created for itself, and so poorly put together that it gets nowhere near being a LBC, and falls so short of being a Cult that it is laughable.I am aware that it is difficult to view any horror film of any age by modern day standards, the genre has moved on so rapidly, and become so much more graphic, but even by comparing this film to its contemporaries it falls well short of any real horror and scares. Today it is about as scary as a wet weekend in Weston-Super-Mare (for non-Brits that is a seaside town in the west of England that is mainly populated by the over 60's!, a British equivalent of, say, Atlantic City!). The concept of a Health Farm - not even a proper hospital note! (the makers had to squeeze in a line of dialogue to justify the title!) - being used for experimentation on the feckless youth of the day - young people who, of course, no one will notice have gone missing (don't these kids have parents?) and turned into "zombies" (although as "zombies" I would have thought that Dr Storm would have found better things to use them for beyond that of acrobatics!) is beyond belief. To go into all the plot holes would take all day, but I have one question, why do all the thugs wear leathers and crash helmets all the time, even when in doors? (Apart, of course, to disguise the fact that at least one is a woman! When was the last time you saw a male thug clearly wearing lipstick?!) The one really big question about this mess of a film is this, just how did talented people like Michael Gough, Ellen Pollock and, most notably, Dennis Price, became embroiled in such rubbish? Wait... I have thought of one redeeming feature, albeit a personal one! Over the past few years I have become friends with a Mr Robert Dearberg. Guess who was the editor on this mess? Yep, my old mate Bob Dearberg, the one and same person! We spend a lot of time discussing the merits of this film, that movie etc, and often disagree. The next time Bob slags off a film I have enjoyed I can look him in the eyes and say just two words.. "Horror Hospital"...!