The Majorettes (1986)

best movie i've ever seen.

I cannot think of one single thing that I would change about this film. The acting is incomparable, the directing deft, and the writing poignantly brilliant.

a film so unique, intoxicating and bizarre that it not only demands another viewing, but is also forgivable as a satirical comedy where the jokes eventually take the back seat.

At first rather annoying in its heavy emphasis on reenactments, this movie ultimately proves fascinating, simply because the complicated, highly dramatic tale it tells still almost defies belief.

In my years of trawling through cheap movies, I've discovered that there are two varieties of bad films. The first is the 'enjoyably bad' movie, which is poorly made and doesn't work, yet is still fun to watch mainly for all the wrong reasons. You can have a good time watching these kind of movies. The second variety is the 'just plain bad' type of film, the kind that rests at the bottom of the pile. I know I always pick on it, but the first film I bought for review was the Filipino atrocity THE THIRSTY DEAD. That's just a plain, boring, totally worthless bad movie.ONE BY ONE is a film which falls into the former camp of bad movies. Sure, it's very poorly directed (by Bill Hinzman, the guy who played the famous cemetery zombie in the original NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD), the special effects are cheap and tacky and the acting is an atrocity in its own. Yet, I found myself glued to the screen, frequently laughing and incredulous at the antics playing out during the movie. You can't really get any more '80s than the beginning of this movie which shows a group of cheerleaders dancing to rubbishy music while a geeky photographer zooms in for a closer look. Creepy janitor Harry is also lurking around, pretending to mop the floor but instead getting an eyeful of the girls. He's the type of character who enjoys watching the girls undress in their locker room - and, coincidentally, the viewer also gets to partake in this activity. There's a lot of nudity which gives the movie a sleazy, slimy kind of edge.It doesn't take long before the murders begin, with the beautiful young girls getting their throats messily slashed by a killer in an army costume. The splattery special effects in this film reminded me of the ones in Friday the 13th, so at least they have something going for them, although the majority of the good stuff has been hacked out by the censor's knives here in the UK. Now, scriptwriter John Russo wasn't content to have his film that straightforward. Thus begins a complex subplot involving a wicked nurse (who also happens to be the mother of Harry, the janitor), who cares for an elderly woman. The woman's granddaughter is one of the cheerleaders and is due to inherit millions on her 18th birthday, which is only a week away. When Harry snaps a photo of the killer, his mother blackmails the villain with the evidence and asks him to commit one last crime; namely, murder the granddaughter on her 18th birthday so that her inheritance will pass on to her grandmother, who can then also be bumped off to make way for the nurse to claim the money for herself.Confused? Well, it explains itself pretty well on screen, although you have to admit that this premise is pretty unrealistic. These activities take up the first hour of the film, and while what's happening up on screen is pretty bad, at least it moves quickly and doesn't become boring. The acting, as I mentioned above, is dreadful from the cast of unknowns (overage actors pretending to be teens again), with the only familiar face being that of Russell Steiner, a.k.a. the unfortunate Johnny from NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. It goes without saying that cronies Bill Hinzman and John Russo also find cameo roles for themselves to appear in.Now, "what of the last half an hour?" you may ask, and "why is this labelled an action film?". This is where the film gets really crazy. It's like at the hour mark, Russo suddenly got tired of his slasher plot and switched track into making an urban thriller. Two young innocents, Jeff and Vicky, are captured by a biker gang headed by a drug-dealer who has been turned in by Jeff earlier on in the film. They are taken to a warehouse, where they are beaten until Harry the janitor intervenes. You see, Vicky is THE granddaughter, and if she dies before her 18th, there won't be any money for his mother. Meanwhile one of the gang members rebels against his leader and violence suddenly erupts, with the rebel, Harry, Jeff and Vicky all getting shot dead. The biker gang flee back to their trailer to hide.Except that Jeff isn't dead. He goes to his house, grabs his dad's assault rifle and goes back to the trailer home of the gang...Yep, incredibly this film has now turned into a REVENGE thriller with the wounded Jeff turned vigilante! I really couldn't believe my eyes as I was watching this film, and the twists and turns the plot was taking. What follows is a highly cheesy shoot-out in the woods, with loads of stuff exploding and people getting shot. Things culminate in a one-on-one with the gang leader in which Jeff shows no mercy. Yes, ONE BY ONE is a bad movie. Yes, it's also an enjoyable bad movie, worth watching alone for the bizarre plot and unpredictable storyline. It's amazing the kind of films they make these days...

I must be weird, when everyone else talks of John Russo they think of "Night Of The Living Dead", when I talk of John Russo I think of mind-numbing crap like "Satan Claws", "Midnight", and this cinematic turd. For an hour it's a horrid "horror" movie about a slasher picking off Majorettes (the girls that are not hot enough to be cheerleaders), then it turns into a gawd-awful action movie. Hey, John, pick a genre and stick with it. Don't show the world that you suck at every kind of movie equally.My Grade: FDVD Extras: "one by one" Featurette; Yearbook; "One by one" trailer; Soundtrack; Trailers for "Flesh for the Beast", "Flesh Eater", "Slaughter Hotel" & "Faceless"

*No spoilers that I know of. Well, maybe just one.* I did so, partly out of curiosity/partly out of prurient desire. In most low-budget slasher films, back then (mid-to late 1980's), half the female victims were always cheerleaders. This one featured baton twirlers as the targets! "Something different, for once," I thought to myself, at the time.Well, I quickly found out the only difference was the clothing. Skintight, semi-sequined leotards. Not bad! But, not good enough to compensate for the acting (or, lack thereof). Definitely, a B-MINUS movie!The only reason I can think of for the sheriff being the slasher? He probably got lured into some humiliating trap by a majorette, on behalf of some overindulged jocks, back when he was in high school. Russo and Hinzman, however, obviously couldn't afford to film such an explanatory flashback. And, the only reason I give this 1.9 stars? IT'S STILL WAY BETTER THAN "CABIN FEVER!"

I had great expectations for THE MAJORETTES when I found out that JOHN RUSSO (co-author of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD) had based it on his novel. Sadly I had no idea of the disappointment that awaited me inside the cover of this hugely mediocre effort.A masked killer - disguised in army surplus garb - is stalking and murdering the young female members of a majorette team one by one. The brutal slayings leave authorities baffled as there seems to be no apparent motive for the vicious and ruthless attacks. It's left up to the surviving members of the group to watch their backs before they become the assassin's next victims.This is easily one of the 'cheapest' of the period slashers and is best avoided by fans of the genre. Atrocious acting, muggy cinematography and a theme tune that sounds like it was knocked up on a $25 keyboard (honestly!) add up to make an extremely unpleasent viewing experience. The only redeeming feature is that the killings - that were heavily edited in the BBFC's print that I watched - are surprisingly well executed and look like they might be pretty gory in an uncut print. If only director Hinzman had showed the flare for the rest of the film that was evident in the murders, he could have made this a half decent thriller. But the problems really begin when the maniac's identity is revealed far too soon leaving the closing half of the film filled with a poor and unconvincing action-revenge plot that looks like it owes more to Gary Busey's EYE OF THE TIGER or RAMBO than it does any slasher flick.Sadly MAJORETTES ended up being a major-let down...