Bloodmarsh Krackoon (2014)

Fresh and Exciting

What a freaking movie. So many twists and turns. Absolutely intense from start to finish.

The movie turns out to be a little better than the average. Starting from a romantic formula often seen in the cinema, it ends in the most predictable (and somewhat bland) way.

One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

It left me wanting more, but not in the sense that i'm addicted. Krackoon: Bloodmarsh is a marginally enjoyable micro budget schlock-fest that fails to deliver many chills or laughs (though it fares much better in the latter department). It's well shot and has terrific craft for a movie of its means, but poor writing and acting let it down. The movie starts with a prologue, a series of snippets from the previous film giving us a recap of the events of the first installment of the series. Then we're dropped into a story that seems to have three or four subplots but no main through-line. And although a couple of the subplots do tie together at the end, it isn't in a satisfying way. It seems like the main characters, the focus of the movie, were meant to be a young kid and the elder Krackoon he called Red Eye, who we would come to find out was on the hunt for her babies (who were in the care of a unsuspecting young girl). These two subplots were largely dull, and uneventful, until late in the story when Red Eye found her babies. The reunion, and all that came after it, was done in an uninspiring way. The more entertaining screen-time involved the movies adult players, whose plot-lines all just seemed to either revolve around Red Eye, or be superfluous. The adult characters in the picture ranged from respectable to horrid. The lead actor turned in a solid performance, and the movies most enjoyable scenes involved the darkly comic exploits of its two sets of goons, all of whom had enjoyable scenes and memorable lines. So despite the film being well made, by people who obviously had fun with it and gave a damn; there just weren't enough good characters and performances, either funny, or scary scenes, to compensate for the movies undercooked script filled with loose ends and hammy performances.

A vicious crack-addicted mutant raccoon called Red Eye and her offspring terrorize the Bronx neighborhood of Locust Point. Boy, does this hilariously horrendous hunk of junk possess all the right wrong stuff to qualify as a real four-star stinkeroonie: We've got ham-fisted (mis)direction by Jerry Landi (who also wrote the disjointed foulmouthed script), laughably lousy acting from a rank amateur no-name cast, shoddy (far from) special effects, cheesy over-the-top gore, a meandering narrative that unfolds at a plodding pace, fumbled crazed killer animal attack set pieces, uproariously obvious hand puppet monsters, a goofy folksy theme song, a colorful and amusing of obnoxious low-rent scuzzoid characters, tin-eared profanity-ridden dialogue, and a groan-inducing "it ain't over yet!" sequel set-up ending. A real schlocky hoot.