Monster Island (2004)

Surprisingly incoherent and boring

Memorable, crazy movie

This is a coming of age storyline that you've seen in one form or another for decades. It takes a truly unique voice to make yet another one worth watching.

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

One can certainly see what the producers are trying to do here - make a tongue in cheek homage to all these old B movies where an expedition lands on a newly discovered island and then finding themselves in a battle for survival . Certainly it's not made with an eye for the Oscars , just basic brainless witty fun that you can enjoy in front of the TV with a carton of popcorn . The problem is that writer/director Jack Perez has failed to develop that important word " witty " and it shows Back in the day these type of movies would feature a host of recognisable B movie actors . You'd probably have a problem naming them but you'd know their faces . Here however the only recognisable names are Carmen Electra , Burt Ward and Nick Carter . Take out Burt Ward and you instantly see what the age demographic for this film is , a fact reflected in the age group of the characters who find themselves trapped on the Island . In days of old these characters would be considerably older and have clearly delineated characters . Okay they'd be clichéd stereotypes such as square jawed hero , selfish bad guy and damsel in distress but that'd be preferable than the whiny teens seen here I notice some people have been slightly forgiving to MONSTER ISLAND thinking it's a deliberately bad movie that is not to be taken seriously but again you have to question if this is actually the case . It's not so much the cheap special effects and small budget that brings the film down - it's the lack of wit and affection to the genre that sinks this movie

Okay let me start off by saying that this is one of the greatest cinematic achievements of anyones lifetime, ever. It brought tears to my eyes with its magnificent beauty and special effects. The scene where the two praying mantis start getting it on was incredibly tasteful and romantic. I was scared out of my wits when the female praying mantis killed the male. I said out loud: "oh no." true story. Let me also say that the first have of this review should be taken no more seriously than this movie. It's not great if you're expecting laughs, it's not great if you're expecting scares, but if you go in expecting nothing, it might just reach your expectations. Maybe even surpass them! And even though the movie is one gigantic crap-fest brought to us by the always good (please catch the sarcasm) MTV, I still enjoyed the bodyguard and Adam West, who carried this movie. (Adam West is always a badass)

Monster Island starts as everyday high school teenager Josh (Daniel Letterle) answers the door to find a film-crew from MTV informing him that he & a bunch of his classmates have won a competition to spend a weekend on a tropical island with the one & only Carmen Electra (Herself). Before you know Josh & his mates are on the island enjoying themselves when Carmen decides to take to the stage & do a dance number, while mid performance a giant Queen Ant swoops from the night sky & kidnaps Carmen flying off with her to a large mountain. Fearing personal injury most of the partying teens decide to head back to the safety of the ship while Josh & a few brave souls decide to stay behind, find Carmen & rescue her. On their way they come across giant mutant insects & other various perils...This Canadian American co-production actually premiered on MTV & was co-written & directed by Jack Perez & while I understood what it was trying to do I thought Monster island was terrible & was even worse than the Spanish American early 80's co-production of the same name Monster Island (1981) which at least had Peter Cushing in it. Basically this Monster island is trying to be a fun, witty & clever homage to all those giant monster/lost world type flicks from the 50's & 60's & it fails miserably, there are so many awful attempts at humour that just miss the mark by the proverbial mile it's uncanny. I mean by the law of average the makers of this should have got a few of the jokes or gags to work even if just by the law of average or just plain dumb luck but no, Monster Island is one seriously unfunny film. The film moves along at a reasonable pace but it never grips you, the character's are awful Ameican teen stereotypes of the absolute worst & most annoying kind, the plot has no reason to exist & there's not so much a story as just a series of loosely connected events. I hate to say it but Monster Island is the sort of low-brow witless rubbish that looks as if it was made by idiots for idiots, at least I saw it on telly for free so at least that does ease the pain a little bit as I would be very upset if I had spent good money on it.Just to try & stay authentic to it's original sources there's a character called Dr. Harryhausen & the giants bugs are stop-motion animated rather than CGI computer generated. The animation isn't too bad but it doesn't really sit that well aside the awful attempts at humour (the two Praying Mantis having sex with each other for instance) & the modern look & feel of the film as a whole. It just doesn't work. There's absolutely zero blood, gore or violence & nothing scary or exciting happens.Filmed in British Columbia in Canada, the film has a cheap slick made for telly appearance that doesn't appeal to me. The acting is awful, Carmen Electra plays herself badly while former 60's Batman star Adam West has a cameo as a scientist.Monster island is a terrible film made to appeal to the lowest common denominator, it has no wit, is not funny in the slightest & the stop-motion animation homage just looks out of place. The sooner I forget about this one the better as far as I am concerned.

OK so far as crap movies go, I've seen worse and more worse. This one was bad but it had some decent parts, like the guy fighting the giant praying mantis with a bulldozer...awesome. And the part where the giant Queen ant dances along to Carmen Electra's song...wow.Carmen Electra...sigh...isn't it sad that the only reason I rented this movie was for her? Yes. I know it is. Lucky for the movie makers there's thousands of men out there like me. We love you Carmen...keep making crappy movies like this.Oh and Nick Carter...ya. His 'cameo' consisted of maybe 5 minutes (if I stretch it) of running out from a helicopter and asking if everyone was OK? Again...wow.Also I would like to ask the two MTV VJ's who starred in this 'What the dilly yo?"