Guns (1990)

Sick Product of a Sick System

Simple and well acted, it has tension enough to knot the stomach.

The film's masterful storytelling did its job. The message was clear. No need to overdo.

It is neither dumb nor smart enough to be fun, and spends way too much time with its boring human characters.

I find with Andy Sidaris, that his filmography began very well indeed with a couple of B-Movie classics in Malibu Express and Hard Ticket to Hawaii and ended on a couple, Day of the Warrior and Return to Savage Beach, that were also good even if it was mainly because they both featured the monumentally sexy duo of Julie K Smith and Shae Marks. But what I have also discovered is the films Sidaris made between his first two cheesetastic classics and final two sexploitation successes were far more uneven in quality and Guns is a perfect example of this. Like several others, it relies too much on its ropey and predictable plot and less on naked girls and general daftness. This one has a narrative so by-the-numbers it's difficult to recall it not long after viewing. The action set-pieces once again mainly constitute some explosions and some guns…well I guess the title might require at least a little of the latter in fairness. But Sidaris really needs his sexy ladies to ensure a good film and here – despite featuring the very appealing Dona Speir – they are marginalised too much and…well…don't in all honesty get naked enough. So what we have left is a fairly sub-standard action flick with a small side-order of eye candy, as opposed to the other way round, which is the formula that has been proved to be far better in most other Sidaris movies. The film is also marginally notable for featuring Erik 'CHiPs' Estrada as an illegal arms dealer and Danny Trejo in a henchman role, years before he broke through to a certain level of cult fame in Hollywood.

This is the 5th out of my 12 reviews for the works of Andy Sidaris, in chronological order. Gangster Degas (Erik Estrada) tries to get a few agents out of the way so he can ship weapons from China to South America via Hawaii. But Donna Hamilton (Dona Speir) doesn't give up easily, because Degas killed her father years ago. So even if pistols seem good enough for others, Donna prefers a rocket launcher to blast baddies to pieces. Roberta Vasquez poses with a leather bikini on a motorbike at sunset, while Cynthia Brimhall has a special appearance as a nightclub singer. Chuck McCann gets the best line when he interrogates two suspects: "What is the difference between a terrorist and a magician?" They quickly find out! "Guns" isn't one of the best of the series, but it's got its moments.

When I was a wee tot I never cared about superfluous things like plot, characterization or people yakkin' exposition for more than 30 seconds. What I wanted to see was the car chases, explosions, high kicks and bikini girls with machine guns. Happy happy happy, joy joy joy! Of course, one day we have to grow old and abide to the rules of Society, that forces us to become, uh, "sophisticated". We ditch Hollywood blockbusters in public and pretend to like Finnish art movies and David Lynch. But deep down inside, in the heart of that happy child we once were, we really want to get home in time for the Baywatch rerun. And that, friends and foes, is the spirit of Sidaris' work. I've seen the polls at IMDb and voters aren't fond of Andy's flims. They're completely missing the point AND the fun.

I'm trying to think of who this movie would appeal to....Nope, can't think of anyone.The plot was trite, the storyline, acting and directing were all quite amateurish, and the action/violence were both a little over the top. Sprinkled into all of this were a few bouts of nudity, but the eye candy was definitely not of either the quality or quantity to make up for all its deficiencies.