Lightspeed (2006)

the audience applauded

Exactly the movie you think it is, but not the movie you want it to be.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

The story, direction, characters, and writing/dialogue is akin to taking a tranquilizer shot to the neck, but everything else was so well done.

This is the most absolute waste of human resources I have ever seen. Everyone involved in this movie's production should be shot on sight. I cant fathom how a movie this bad is created. First, what kind of retard writes a script like this? Second, what kind of idiots read it and think they should make this movie? Third, what kind of actor reads the script and thinks it would be a good idea to act in it? How does this happen? The money spent on making this movie would have been better off being used to buy shares of stock in Enron. Why why why, I really want to know why, or even how a movie like this could possible be made. SciFi channel is a pretty descent cable channel sometimes, if they let this happen they should promptly be removed from the air.

Python: my God he's evil. He batters cups of water out of people's hands.Following the titles, which left me wondering how much Stan Lee was involved in the character creation we open on a picture of a building by day.Suddenly flicking to night you wonder why we ever had the shot in daylight but wait someone is talking to Tanner (Lee Majors) and he's telling them they can't see his troops because no-one can.Given as we discover later his troops, "Ghost Squad", are infiltrating a building some distance away it's no surprise they cannot be seen. Ghost Squad itself and see them tooling up by the side of a busy street. Covert ops at its best.Python however disguises his snakey-ness with a hood. Great disguise (possibly the costume designer had fallen out with the actor – he also has some place he gets outsized black T-Shirts).Any way Ghost Squad's Daniel Fleight (Connery), a joke that isn't ever pulled off because you never really get to hear his full name, and his team get into the building to find all security dead. One body comes up the escalator and I was left wondering just how long it was given the fact everyone seemed very much dead.You do wonder why this, "crack", team are using night vision goggles in a brightly lit building but no fear because Daniel comes across Python and, shock, horror they know each other – although I'm sure Python called him "Vic"? Then as we watch the building be destroyed we find out why they know each other. Daniel seems, for no good reason to be a friend of the stupidest scientist going who gives himself a nasty burn on the arm before finding his snake skin tissue repair doesn't work.Daniel goes on to question why the lethargic looking snakes are not happy, looked fine to me, to be told that they are bred for aggression, physical strength and endurance. These the best snakes to use for skin grafts then? Who breeds snakes for aggression? The involvement goes further when we learn Pre-Python (Edward Bartlett) has a sister with horrific burns. We also discover he has been working for 5 years to perfect his treatment – has his sister been in the burns unit that long.Our hero calls his friend in the government to stop Bartlett's funding being cancelled only to be told it is being pulled. Daniel makes a vague attempt to reverse this decision (I'm still at a loss to see what job he was doing and how he joined Ghost Squad) and then tells Bartlett he tried all he can. Lliar.Bartlett's sister dies and he blames Daniel for pulling the funding, for no adequately explained reason. He then breaks into his lab – talks to his skin grafts (as you do) and then the lab catches fire (I couldn't really see how and it seemed that the whole lab was made of incendiary material anyhow). Bartlett becomes Python.I hope you're following because I'm lost.In the present Daniel survives and is taken to hospital where he's given a dangerous treatment of radiation and chemicals (even after they've put metal plates in his hip and leg – radiation!).Python tries to kill him in another impractical way, just shoot him in the head will you, but fails and in his stupidity creates Lightspeed , via montage.Back to the bad guys and Python who also proves he hates successful generals and kills one. He then goes on to warn the others round the table (where we see one of his squad who looks 14). Leaving them and talking to his brother, who the leaves, we cut to the silliest bit of the film where Python enters a pen with rabbits. It just looks like he's going to stroke them. Awww. Possibly there is a more gory cut here but I think it was just bad editing.Lightspeed gets his costume and looks like a downhill skier. It's also the point where you realise that spandex/lycra/whatever doesn't really hide the fact you're a bit podgy.We then have his first fight where even though he is really fast he allows a criminal to die and then finally (almost at the hour mark) we find out what Python is after. A weather machine he'll use to burn Washington.After this the film follows a painting by numbers sort of plot.Still there are some amusing moments as Ghost Squad shows their complete inability to do anything right. Tanner shows his "evil" side when he starts to drink on duty and Daniel disguises himself as a doctor to get out of hospital to put on his Lightspeed gear. Although he can super speed…yeah! One quick word for Python's henchmen who turn their backs on Ghost Squad allowing them to infiltrate through the main gate.We discover Tanner is working with Python (never explained and I think they'd have difficulty as I was wracking my brains to consider why) and end with a race against the clock which has as much tension as making a bowl of cereal.Direction is clunky and acting isn't much better, no-one is really wooden. The script writer should be sent on a course (unsure of what) as constantly things remain unexplained or are explained too much later in the movie. Unfortunately what Lightspeed starts as (a movie so bad it's funny) it fails to complete. I found myself hoping it would end.The music isn't bad for the piece and if anyone goes on to get further work I would hope it's the composer.

Okay, I admit the idea probably had good intentions; creating the Marvel version of The Flash has good potential but really, this is just gross. There was a bloodbath within the first 6 minutes and of course this was the family dinner movie. You meet the villain, flashback and learn his story, and then the hero is created. The hero is and interesting sort who makes the normal new superhero mistakes, but his background should prep him some. There were some interesting parts in finding a secret bad guy, but otherwise it was just a bunch of red paint. My brother and I are Stan Lee fans, but this movie definitely was no tribute to his amazing work. We made fun of it whenever we weren't covering our eyes from the gross parts. Unless you like gruesome movies or are looking for an easy diet plan, don't waste your time- just rent Spider-man and enjoy your evening.

This was the worst movie I have seen on sci-fi and they are notorious for producing the worst movies ever.I cannot believe Stan lee put his name on this but after seeing who wants to be a superhero I now know.I will start with the plot. Flash meets Darkman nuff said, nothing original. Casting, our lead hero has a comb over and looks like he's pushing 50 plus. The henchman look like no-budget porn extras. And the effects were ridiculous, even the Flash TV series from 16 years ago had better effects. If this was made in the 1950's that would explain the really bad special effects. The story and dialog you can imagine is par with the rest of the production value. Okay the worst thing was our hero's costume, he goes to a sporting goods store and the salesman goes in the back and gets his suit, that's it. And it looks like a costume from a homemade comic book fan movie. I would say I liked the python character until his comical fight scenes.Watching QVC is more entertaining.