Hard Breakers (2011)

The Age of Commercialism

Good films always raise compelling questions, whether the format is fiction or documentary fact.

Exactly the movie you think it is, but not the movie you want it to be.

Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable

First let me say that I thought the basic premise was a pretty good one. I really liked the concept of turning the typical cheesy sex comedy on its head and making the women the 'aggressors'. I also thought Sophie Monk was actually quite good. So good in fact I wish she was the lead in the film. Unfortunately I just didn't find Cameron Richardson particularly compelling as the lead. The movie would have been better served had they switched roles. The cameo roles (Tia Carrera and Tom Arnold in particular, Kattan was a bit of a mess but not sure that was his fault as his character seemed to be poorly written)were decent as well. However this movie just never got off the ground due to either terrible editing, a poor script, or that they just seemed to run out of time (or money?) to put this thing together in a really coherent manner. Possibly it was all three. The father/daughter issues plot line, which motivated much of the characters behavior, never really came together until the very end and by then it was too late. Also the racial stereotypes were a little annoying as well. Having said all that is certainly better than the very low score it has on here. It does have moments and some of the performances were pretty good, particularly Sophie Monk. And I have to give credit to the writer(s) and director for at least trying something different.

Written and directed with all the style of a wretchedly unfunny sitcom on the CW or its predecessors, the WB and UPN, Hard Breakers sets a new low in product placement by prominently displaying an infomercial in one scene. Fortunately, this movie is so thoroughly terrible that such a crass move fits in perfectly with the crippled plotting, abortive characterizations and leaden comedy. And by leaden comedy, I mean they don't just rely on stereotypical gay jokes in 2010. They use the same gag of the main characters not knowing they're in a gay-oriented business twice. Sophie Monk also embarrasses herself here with weak acting and weaker mugging for the camera. And director Leah Sturgis reveals that she has as much imagination as the average catfish by repeating the exact same establishing shot over and over and over again. This is just a pitiful effort.Alexis (Cameron Richardson) and Lindsay (Sophie Monk) are friends who hang out at their beach house and complain about men. They eventually hit upon the idea of knocking men unconscious and taking them back to their place, with the idea that the men will revive, have sex with them and then leave. Shockingly, that plan doesn't work out so well and then Alexis gets tied up by this absurd movie producer (Chris Kattan) and must be rescued by her neglectful father, Lindsey and Alexis' stalker ex-boyfriend. That's really all of Hard Breakers' story guck I can stand to repeat.Firstly, Sophie Monk does take her top off in this film but if you blink, you'll miss it. Cameron Richardson doesn't get naked, but some poor actress flashes her boobs in a depressing moment. I'm not one to complain about gratuitous nudity but this almost slapped me in the face with how cheaply exploitative it was. There's really not a lot of bad language here and the humor isn't even that crude. So if you're looking for raunch, keep looking.It's difficult to even tear into this disaster as hard as it deserves because the whole production is so pathetic it feels like kicking a retarded puppy. Co-writers Sturgis and Elaine Fogg make so many elementary mistakes with their script and their writing is so unintentionally awkward that I feel more sorrow than anger toward them. Watching this motion picture is like watching a kid trying to ride their bike for the first time without training wheels and seeing them crash every 5 feet. Someone should have stepped in and stopped the production like a boxing referee protecting a fighter that's being beaten to death. I can't imagine anyone in Hollywood seeing Hard Breakers and then hiring Sturgis and Fogg as dog walkers, let alone for any cinema-related job.This fiasco is not funny. It's not sexy. It's not outrageous. It barely makes any logical sense. Avoid Hard Breakers like it has an incurable venereal disease.

I usually don't write reviews but after watching this movie, I had to mention how bad this movie was and so registered into IMDb and am now writing this review. This movie makes me feel like I've just lost 2 hours of my life and trust me, I've seen bad movies. Anyways, there is no storyline, the scenes change haphazardly and the script is incoherent. The only tolerable part of this movie are the eye-candies in the form of the 2 lead actresses but you are bound to get bored after a while looking at their bodies, and awful acting. Don't want to be too harsh on them but they should have seriously gotten their brains checked before accepting this movie. And what is a talented actor like Tom Arnold doing in this movie? Seriously, was he threatened to act in this movie or what? I wouldn't recommend this movie even if this is the last movie on Earth. Go play ball instead.

Based from the cover of the movie, you'd expect this to be another teenage comedy movie, but it didn't turn out to be that. The movie tells a story about two women who start using men for sex. Somehow the stereotypical image of the approach to sex is reversed in this movie, and that was a refreshing way to go at it.As for the cast and the acting, actually people in the movie did good jobs with their roles and characters. Cameron Richardson, playing Alexis, came off as a slightly gullible and lovable character, while Sophie Monk, playing Lindsay, was the aggressive vixen. And these two carried the movie, with their charms and beauty.Though, I prefer a movie having more carrying it than just two pretty ladies. And there is a handful of familiar faces making appearances throughout the movie. Tom Arnold playing Alexis's father. Tia Carrere playing the gunstore owner wearing pink camouflage! That was weird, just where do you need to camouflage yourself in pink? And I would say that the best performance in the movie was the one done by Chris Kattan, in the role of Hertz Waters.The movie isn't all bad, there are moments where it had potential. And actually there are lots of nice scenery and views in the movie, good camera work as well.But as for the story, it was fairly weak and failed to come off more than mediocre. I am sure the idea was really good on paper, but on screen it didn't stand out in a memorable way.I managed to sit through the entire movie, though I was tempted to get up and find something else to do a couple of times. I just hoped the movie would pick up and become more than it was, but no. The movie just went onward in a monotone dull pace, leaving you able to disconnect your brain entirely and just sit there and glare at the screen.If you are in for an evening's worth of entertainment from the comedy genre, there are better choices than "Hard Breakers" available.