Anaconda 3: Offspring (2008)

Just perfect...

It is not deep, but it is fun to watch. It does have a bit more of an edge to it than other similar films.

To all those who have watched it: I hope you enjoyed it as much as I do.

Blistering performances.

This is a great movie. It is well written. The acting great in this movie. This movie also has great special effects. It very scary. But not as scary has original Anaconda. And not has scary has Anaconda 2. That is one of the scariest movies ever made. But still this is a very scary movie. If you do not get scared of this movie then no movie will scary you. Crystal Allen is a great actress. Ryan M.c.C.l.u.s.k.e.y is a great actor. David H.a.s.s.e.l.h.o.f.f is not great. He just o.k at times. This is one of his best performances. John R.h.y.s-Davies is a great actor. Do lesson to people. See this movie. It is great. Patrick R.e.g.i.s is a great actor.

The Hoff is at his best here, as an backstabbing mercenary, snake hunter, you'll love to hate. Whereas the previous two Anacondas were more serious, this one is more cartoon sort comedy, it's violence way over the top, which means, horror fans included myself will love it. The stories great too, it's element of mishap, where the anacondas, yes, anaconda's escape, which have genetically altered into big ba...rds, you don't want to f with, warns you what you're in for, and that's just what you get, in this R rated Anaconda. While they're loose, they must be caught, so the Hoffster's been paid a big sum to catch em', his contact at the start, interrupting him, in the middle of a bar fight (although he wasn't really winning). He assembles a group, and we pretty much know what his intentions are, as judged from the little stunt he pulls at the start of our fine feature, although we so don't wanna believe, our nice Hoff will do the dirty, after seeing him play the nice/good guy for so many years. And as shown later, (and that includes the Hoff) what goes around, comes around. The blonde assistant is hot too, her attire setting a new sexy trend in tank tops, that sheathe killer knockers. If you're snake phobic, and you absolutely hate snakes, this is the last snake pic, you'd want to watch. One sorry sod in a barn, wakes up to something you hope you'll never have to wake up to, where one of those big ba...rds swallows him whole. Scary? Yeah, a little. Terrifying? In part (A little more). Horror, because is it really that scary? Or unintentional comedy, because it's so stupid and unbelievable? Make up your own mind, will ya. I would go with the latter, but it's bloody fun too, and again, for all your gore hounds, this delivers, as well some funny lines to spare. My favorite Anaconda. Thanks Dave, for entertaining us with this inane movie.

Even Anaconda 2 aspired for cinematic release. Anaconda III is pure straight to TV goodness. The snakes look more computerized than ever, having a shiny, plastic texture. They can slither over any terrain without affecting it in any way. Never fear, to clean up this problem is David Hasselhoff, giving his best performance since Nick Fury. It's hard to detach Hasselhoff from his offscreen persona, so it's kind of funny to see this celebrity running after CGI snakes. The plot is also ridiculous. No longer are these just big snakes out to eat people, but they've been genetically enhanced and have started a family. If you love this kind of crap then you'll get some smirks from it all. But why bother, when the first Anaconda had respectable people making fools of themselves, rather than jobbing actors chasing another pay check.

This gets my vote as the worst of the Anaconda movies. As a sequel and on its own terms, Anaconda III is wretched. The scenery/sets are quite nice and Crystal Allen is decent, but that's it. The photography is flat and rushed and the film looks as though it has been edited on a bacon slicer. The continuity is inconsistent as well complete with poor gore effects, the writing is vacuous and eye-rollingly cheesy in alternative to funny and the story is hopelessly predictable. The direction is sloppy, the music is generic and forgettable, the film is unevenly paced and unsatisfyingly resolved and the characters I didn't feel anything for. The acting is just dire, David Hasselhoff and Crystal Allen are the only ones who try and while the enthusiasm is admirable Hasselhoff is embarrassing in his acting and delivery, Allen however is far more believable and manages to be the film's sole redeeming quality. The other actors look bored and uninterested, and any scenes that tries to be suspenseful, atmospheric or frightening fails, instead it is laughable. Overall, dreadful sequel and film. 1/10 Bethany Cox