The Night Watchmen (2017)

Touches You

Sorry, this movie sucks

Let's be realistic.

Best movie ever!

"The Night Watchmen" is a vampire movie with clowns … but the clowns are the vampires and – in fact – the titular night watchmen are the clowns! Does that make sense? If not, it doesn't matter. It's a horror comedy with the emphasis laying heavily on the comedy part, and although enjoyable enough while it lasts, it's probably one of the least memorable movies you'll ever watch. The script, written by two of the lead actors, contains a few inventive gimmicks and a small handful of genuine laughs, but overall it's a routine and largely uninspired fan-boy movie with the usual splatter effects and infantile fart, weed and bimbo jokes. We're introduced to the four night watchmen of the Baltimore Gazette newspaper building, located somewhere in the harbor. Their job is generally boring and monotonous, so they entertain themselves by peeping at the sexy office ladies, playing human bowling, smoking weed and stealing other people's lunch packets. Tonight will be different, however, because the coffin of a famous dead clown mistakenly ended up at the newspaper building. The clown mysteriously died during a tour in Romania and got repatriated, but he quickly rises from his coffin and goes on a violent killing spree during the one night that everybody stays in the office to work on a deadline. Personally, I think that the concept of eerie vampire clowns entering the USA via the Baltimore harbor and gradually bloodsucking their way through the rest of the country might even have worked as an actual horror movie, complete with atmospheric tension and scary clowns' make-up, but apparently the makers decided it was better to focus on incompetent watchmen instead. Thanks to the copious amounts of fake blood and the exaggeratedly bad acting, "The Night Watchmen" is entertaining enough to watch at a festival or in the company of drunken friends, but don't expect to still be talking about it a week later.

Saturday afternoon and not feeling my best. Wanted a fun movie that I didn't have to use any brain cells on. This fit the bill perfectly! Campy fun, not to be taken seriously. It's low budget but production values were pretty good. Acting was decent and the story, well it's just a misfits vs vampires story so not much to elaborate on there. As a comedy it did it's job, it entertained me for an hour and a half and made me laugh a few times. Every movie doesn't need to be a thought provoking cinematic masterpiece. And all movies shouldn't be compared to those that are. Sometimes one and done and thanks for the laughs is all that's needed.

Came in with low expectations and was very pleased by the time the credits rolled. The writing was pretty good and they made the best movie they could have given the budget they were working with. The gore was well executed and the SFX teams did a fantastic job.I don't think I've ever watched a low budget movie like this and been so blown away by the editing and sound crews. Honestly, the sound crew and gaffers knocked it out of the park. The editing crew also made their cuts perfectly and there are no lingering nonsense shots. Everything was tight and cohesive. If you are a fan of the horror comedy genre, this is an absolute "must see" of a film and I guarantee you will have a few laugh out loud moments.

I was stupid enough to get this and several other movies for a weekend chill session because the net was going to be out. It's horrible, the acting is bad, the script is laughable and the production value is like student film makers had a $100 budget.When i didn't recognise anyone on the cast list i should have taken that as a red flag.