Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus (2010)

To me, this movie is perfection.

One of my all time favorites.

I like movies that are aware of what they are selling... without [any] greater aspirations than to make people laugh and that's it.

The story, direction, characters, and writing/dialogue is akin to taking a tranquilizer shot to the neck, but everything else was so well done.

Former professional boxer/model stars, if that's the right word for it, as a fearless hunter, recruited by the US military to kill a gigantic shark and crocodile. Bad acting, even worse "special" effects and a ridiculous plot - another typical movie from The Asylum. This isn't so bad that its good. Its so bad that I just wanted the end credits to roll. Awful.

You often hear of movies that are so bad that they become good again. That was true for Megashark vs Giant Octopus, but its equally hammy-titled sequel, Megashark vs Crocosaurus, shows that even making a good bad movie still requires some talent. The first MvsGO was a bad B-movie of the amusing kind, thanks to the ultra low budget and the ensuing limitations in production that were more than a little visible in the finished movie. However, where MvsGI was endearing, MvsC is mostly boring and annoying. It shows that every idiot with a camera and Photoshop can make a creature feature, but that not every idiot should, especially when it doesn't provide half the fun of its predecessor. Like in my review for MvsGI, I have some helpful remarks for the makers:After a successful first movie, a higher budget is often reserved for the sequel. That usually allows for the improved production values that sequels are known for. The ship exteriors and interiors, for example, are appropriate improvements, and adding sound effects to suggests that the deck guns are actually firing is a good trick. But don't get carried away. After all, this is still an Asylum production, not Godzilla. Don't hint at epic things to come for the entire 90 minute duration without ultimately showing them, such as a huge megalodon destroying the Panama Canal, or a nuclear submarine blowing up inside the shark. Having your characters describe entire chunks of plot from the inside of a helicopter works fine for one or two scenes, not twelve. Show, don't tell - rule number one of visual storytelling. So don't recycle the same shot of dozens of baby crocodiles over and over if they aren't seen eating people, or when they barely feature in the climax.Having half the film taking place inside a helicopter or inside a badly-lit naval ship is a good way to save money for the scenes that count. So is using static pictures to photoshop the visual effects in, and recycling footage from other sources. But at least make sure that the few money shots count, and don't look like something that an 8-year-old could create on an iPad with Pixelmator Pro. Again, this is a sequel: it should look better than the original, not worse. You can't get away with cheaply recycling the same shots of monsters fighting over and over a second time.Creature features are the place to exaggerate a bit and stretch the limits of belief, but don't overdo it. A crocosaurus laying hundreds of eggs spread out over five locations all around the ocean while it is being actively hunted by both the navy and a killer shark is where it gets from improbable to slightly ridiculous. And an 8-yard baby crocodile won't fit inside a 12-feet egg.Running jokes are good. After all, a creature feature is to be taken lightly, so bringing some levity is a good idea. However, putting in a character who wants 10% of the cut, and repeating that every minute until he dies is stretching it. Casting Robert Picardo is a stroke of genius. Many ex-StarTrek actors had a hard time adjusting to post-Trek life, but that Picardo had to resort to this type of schlock is quite unique. Very good to put him at the end of the cast list in the opening credits, billed as "and Robert Picardo" for extra emphasis. However, point deduction for not having him reference the Doctor from Voyager with an apt quote, like "I am an admiral, not a sharkhunter!"Talking about actors: with one famous face on board, you can relax a bit when casting the other roles. But be critical. No one expects Oscar contenders, but there must be young actors in school plays who are better in playing an alternatively manic and grieving scientist than Jaleel White. And was Gary Stretch trying to parody the tough Ozzie bushwalking macho man, or was that his best effort in playing one? Hard to tell.Since this movie is meant to resemble a testosterone-type of action movie, it is quite acceptable to cast pretty actresses, even if their presence seems little more than eye candy. But if you cast Hannah Cowley and Nicola Lambo, and kill them off early on as a shock surprise, please do this AFTER their obligatory bikini or underwear scene. If you don't, it suggests that you actually hired them for their talent instead of how they look, and that gives off the wrong message. That's fine when you're making a serious movie, not when you're doing MvsC. Sarah Lieving playing a Special Agent in a tank top is a good example of how it should be.Please remember that every movie is written three times: first in screenplay, then on film, and then in the editing room. If the first two are a bit lacking, some sharp editing can often save a lot of scenes, but don't bother if half of your scenes haven't been scripted nor filmed. It's nice that the shark and croc get around, from beaches to jungles to civilization, but glueing their scenes together into one big disjointed mess is not a hallmark of good storytelling. A bit of spatial awareness and continuity helps the audience's appreciation of a movie. Unless the creatures and humans can magically teleport anywhere. Hey, here's an idea for another sequel!Ask Jason Blum for advice. The man produced some of the most acclaimed movies of the past decade, usually for less than $10 million. Asylum is known for 'borrowing' ideas from other studios, so why not get the secret of the low-budget trade from him?

Was it me or was Gary Stretch/Nigel Putnam drunk through the entire film or does he always slur when he talks? And after the explosion at the end the shark and croc are still in one piece and fighting. Also what is with the extremely poor acting in these films, even the well known actors?

It kind of feels like a given to rate a film like this so low, even allowing for the fact it is unlikely any sane film watching person expected anything other than the cheap cheesy picture that it is. The expectation levels are still further finely tuned if one has been privy to the previous hokey horrors of Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus. Of course the problem with these run of films coming out of The Asylum film studio (see also Mega Python vs. Gatoroid), is that they tread the thin line of being bad but entertaining, or bad and insulting? Then there is the question of if the actors are taking it serious as well? If they are then they should be stripped of their equity cards, if not then they should be lauded as comic geniuses. With Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus the answers aren't abundantly clear, but it does have moments of levity, for better or worse that is. Enter with caution, you are now entering the crazy world of cult cheese.2/10 on an artistic level and 7/10 for comedic value.