500 MPH Storm (2013)

Thanks for the memories!

Good concept, poorly executed.

Excellent but underrated film

A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

I decided on this because I actually liked Casper Van Dien in Starship Troopers and Sleepy Hollow. I was utterly disappointed. I knew it would be bad, but the acting is horrid, the story line anything but flowing, and the special effects looked like a teenager with a PC could have looked more realistic. After watching this movie I considered go to Van Dien's home and checking his pockets for the hour and a half of my life he stole. I don't believe there was an editor present at all to screen for mistakes. There was everything flooding inside a building with a cloudless sky outside, a Chevy Equinox that apparently gets over 1000 miles of travel on one tank, to a F5 tornado that is capable of causing "hot air balloons to explode" but not break a pane of glass. This movie could almost be funny if you knew it was made ironically, however this was someones actual attempt at cinematic genius.

I LOVE cheesy disaster movies, in fact I pretty much watch any old sh*t very happily indeed, but this left me speechless, and at times roaring with laughter, I challenge any human being of whatever age to become engrossed.There's a lot of mysterious things going on in this film, including a surprise attack which involves a large amount of slapping, some exploding people caused by weather, a big beam of something, a meltdown - which I'm not sure happened or not - some absolutely stand-out scientific and technical dialog, a New Word, a man playing a guitar in a burning forest, LOTS of other random stuff and it all revolves around this totally weird family who have to stop it all by triangulating their mobile phones (forgive me if I got this wrong, its a best guess). The acting, dialog, special effects/CGI, the story-line, the directing, the script and the editing reach new pinnacles of awfulness. It has to be seen really.

I gave this movie a try because the poster is promising. My goodness, this movie is awful in many angles and ways: bad acting, poor effects, lots of inconsistencies: It was raining hard and all of a sudden it's as dry as a desert. Lines are down but they still managed to make phone calls. The storm created a fire in the forest, what the hell? Only the 3 of them plus 5 crew members in the storm center knew about the 500mph storm. Awful.I know it's a low-budget movie but that's not a reason not to make it a good one. It has a potential but failed. The production should've spent half of the budget to some good graphic movie editors/artists (or whatever you call them). One simple suggestion though, when it's raining let the people get wet.

I hope you don't have the misfortune of ever seeing this awful film! if you have I hope the bleeding in your eyes stops soon. as for me I have irreparable brain damage and will now spend the rest of my life in a mental institution. There are made up words "Hypercane" spell check does not like that one. the annoying sound track is the worst pile of crap i have ever had to listen to. and whats with the slow motion every time there is a close up or when they run thru water is that necessary. apparently the stability of the "Core " depends on the weather. well its raining somewhere in the world guess the core is going critical. Do yourself a favor and stay away from this one