Submerged (2005)

I don't have all the words right now but this film is a work of art.

A story that's too fascinating to pass by...

Easily the biggest piece of Right wing non sense propaganda I ever saw.

Blistering performances.

Next stop Uruguay for Seagal. He's is a soldier of fortune freed from prison under the proviso that he and his oppos can stop a group of terrorists who have taken over a nuclear submarine. A sub-plot about mind control is a big distraction for his objective, and for viewers at home. Backstory and exposition is bypassed quickly and there are some amateurish visual effects from the get-go which combine to make very dull viewing, further weighed down by an irritating flashy visual style. There are one or two good action scenes but all in all it's a ridiculously convoluted plot which is difficult to engage with.

Not his worst movie! Yes, he's overweight, mostly immobile, mumbles his lines (when not overdubbed) and pretends he's black. He has strange dyed hair and orange skin.But look, some of his fellow actors here are not bad. Vinnie Jones plays Henry, and still looks good in his fight scenes, Nick Brimble is Lehder, William Hope is Fletcher, and Alison King and the lovely Christine Adams play the female roles.This time our hero plays Chris Kody, the world's best mercenary – he must use his lethal weapons and fighting skills to stop a group of terrorists who have taken over a nuclear sub.For a straight-to-video film this is about average. Yes, it's clearly not set in Uruguay (it's set in Bulgaria) and the plot is illogical. But if you want to watch a Segal movie that's truly bad (and there can be an odd pleasure in this) then watch Out of Reach or Hard to Kill.

...are doing exactly what in a Steven Seagal movie?Well,it's certainly not acting that's for sure - but that's nothing new.And I certainly hope they're not taking themselves seriously because there is only one actor in "Submerged" and that is the mighty Stevester himself. He appears to be suffering from the reverse of Michael Jackson syndrome and changing into a 20 - odd year old black gangsta instead of a 50 - odd year old white movie star whose best days are sadly some way behind him. But he's only got to grin - which he does rather a lot in this film - and I can still see the old Steve shining through the extra few pounds. Many of his later films certainly seem directed at the wannabe gangsta market certainly and he usually has some cool young black chap to back him up and enhance his street cred. Here his gang includes Mr Vinnie Jones,who,as a footballer was most famous for squeezing another footballer's testicles.Mr Jones now does TV adverts for CPR - well,it's a living,I guess.He is yet to appear as a pundit on "Sky"(that refuge for sad unemployables)but I wouldn't rule it out. "Submerged" is everything a Seagal movie should be - flashy,jerky and with a frankly indecipherable plot.And very,very funny. The director is like a kid with a new toy and everybody seems to be having a great time in Bulgaria - and why not,it's a lovely country. And I expect the Brits flew out by "Easyjet". Vinnie probably worked his passage by acting as a bouncer. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it,fully aware I was watching a complete nonsense but unable to turn it off. That is Big Steve's magic and his appeal to many of the less po - faced of us.

There are many Steven Seagal films and if you are just seeing one for the first time, boy are you behind the times. He is perhaps the finest actor to do action movies, rest a bit, then come back and do another one with even more action then the previous one. Yet for his fans, one cannot get enough of the tall man. Despite being cast as different ethnic types, his persona remains the same. In each, he is believable and worth paying the admission price. In this movie, he is once again back in trouble with the authorities. Released from a military prison, he and his men are once again called on to save the country. However, audiences discover that he is not the military's first choice and so Seagal playing Military commando Chris Cody, is told little of the top secret mission, only that he must travel into a foreign country, prevent the death of the U.S. Ambassador and bring back the previous team soldiers. Unknown to him, that team has been Programmed to kill him and his new team. Confusion reigns, but not the explosive excitement and hair-raising stunts. Despite the many snide remarks of Seagal, being too old, fat or slow, he still entertains his fans and that's the bottom line. Well done. ****