Against the Dark (2009)

To me, this movie is perfection.

Fantastic!

Best movie ever!

Clever, believable, and super fun to watch. It totally has replay value.

So, um... what's new in Steven Seagal's films? Believe it or not, he has a zombie-vampire film in his collection. Released in 2009, and before that we had a pleasure to see some new generation vampire films and TV series... And obviously, Seagal, seeing that his career is fading away, pretty fast with all of these straight to DVD films, I bet he decided to appear in vampire-zombie film to attract audience. But, it's also a straight to DVD film,(with Seagal in title, nevertheless) so don't expect that this piece of crap will attract anyone. Yes, well, being a Seagal fan, I watched it just to see what is this all about... and I was pretty surprised how Seagal films can't go down the drain even more. Seagal is the leader of the special mercenary team that hunts zombie-vampires, or whatever the hell they are... The film reminds you somewhat on "29 Weeks Later"... or something like that, there is this disease that spreads in post-apocalyptic world... it doesn't even look like post-apocalypse, not even by long shot, how did everybody turn into vampire-zombies? But, that's not matter in Steven Seagal film, we expect Aikido from this guy, right? Good, but no Aikido here, just sword waving, slow, monotone posture and no acting whatsoever. Other actors didn't even try to do something out of their performances... we got Linden Ashby here (Johnny Cage from Mortal Kombat), who did a lousy performance, you can easily see that this guy's career is fading away too... Keith David is also here, and he was definitively the best actor in the film, and this guy has a powerful career. Plot is boring, action is nothing special... everything else... crap. Don't waste your time with this. Except if you want to cure your insomnia.

What can you expect?People die, more people die, then somebody gets bitten and someone else dies. No special plot.No special turn of events.No special effects or snappy dialogue.Like almost every other zombie movie you've ever seen. A true masterpiece in the art of zombie movies which revolve around the same worn out plot, time and again.Do not expect anything else any more interesting.Why are zombie movies even made any longer? If you've seen one, you've seen 10 000.Somebody - please come up with something new to this bleak and tired genre.

The movie derives its dramatic effect from the fact the main characters are stupid and continuously make the same mistakes over and over again: 1. They repeatedly split up in enemy territory, for reasons not explained. Although they mostly rejoin some minutes later, again for unknown reasons, it simply doesn't make sense. 2. The protagonists don't use weapons, not even sticks and stones (until one use after 75 minutes). I believe even cavemen had the knowledge that a fist is weaker than a rock. Oh, btw I couldn't figure any reason why this hospital had no windows at all. Of course besides the fact that it would reduce the movie down to 5 minutes, when they climb out of the window. The rest is just blood and gore, no combat choreography, no plot.

Ah, Steven Seagal. The ponytail that marked a generation of cheesy action flicks. . . these days, he's mostly just a mockery of himself. But, he's back. . . and he's kicking some zombie/vampire/creature ass. With a friggin' sword! Honestly, other than Blade, when's the last time we've seen a serious modern action hero with a sword? Pure genius. Most of the film is just wandering aimlessly around a hospital/research facility and slicing & dicing the zombie vamps. That's about it. There's supposedly a couple of time limits to fake 'suspense,' one being they have to reach some door before the generator dies (that's why they take so many breaks for food & rest. . . when all they have to do is go down a few flights of stairs) and the other being the military (of which Seagal and his black-clad posse are a part) is preparing to "sterilize" in the morning.Throughout the film, you get a whole lot of poorly choreographed fight sequences where most hits land at least three inches from the target. The zombie/vampire (seriously, I have no idea what they are. . . they're pretty obviously dead, but also go down when they get kicked in the nards) effects aren't too bad, nor are the overall gore effects. The acting is pretty bad and even the British actors' British accents aren't believable.There are tons of hilarious one-liners, but my favourite is when Seagal finally gives his name. Fifty (that's 5-0) minutes in (seriously, it took that long), Seagal meets the annoying little girl (?) and, after aggressively asking her if she's been attacked, concludes the conversation with "I'm Tao." This is followed by some of the most epically misplaced guitar riffs I've ever heard. Classic.Overall, the movie is unbelievably stupid, but even more fun(ny) than it is dumb. I'm sure that it will live down (at least with me) as one of the best drinking-game movies in history.Final Verdict: 4/10, just because it's so damn fun -AP3-