The Beach Girls (1982)

Save your money for something good and enjoyable

Lack of good storyline.

Wow! What a bizarre film! Unfortunately the few funny moments there were were quite overshadowed by it's completely weird and random vibe throughout.

The film may be flawed, but its message is not.

A dark, esoteric look at... nah, it's an 80s teen sex comedy. I admit to being a big fan of the genre. It was the one thing my Father and I ever really bonded over, and God knows the 80s gave us enough of them. Even Andrea Dworkin probably saw 'Porky's' and 'Revenge of the Nerds', but there are dozens and dozens of them out there, like 'The Beach Girls', that have slipped into the neon-soaked haze of the forgotten 80s. Anyway, the movie. The plot is... well, if you watch a movie like this for the plot, you're probably one of those people who goes to McDonald's and buys a salad. Everything is an excuse for the bevy of young women--and even the guys in this case, as there was some unfortunate sausage on display--to get nude. In that 'The Beach Girls' certainly delivers. The fact that our main protagonists are female (a rarity in these kinds of films) made it all feel *slightly* less exploitative at least.Filled with pretty girls, excessive drinking, drug use and offensive ethnic stereotypes, 'The Beach Girls' is everything you'd expect from a film of this genre. If it doesn't exactly reach the heights of 'Hard Bodies', at least it's better than 'Screwball Hotel'.

The highest grossing film of 1982 was saccharine-sweet family sci-fi classic E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, but how many sexy young hotties did it feature? None, that's how many (I'm sorry but Drew Barrymore and Erika Eleniak were far TOO young to count, and Dee Wallace was too old). On the other hand, The Beach Girls is chock full of pert naked and semi-naked cuties making it hands down the superior film in terms of gratuitous T&A. In your face Spielberg!In fact, of all of the teenage sex comedies I've seen from the 80s, The Beach Girls has got to be one of the finest in terms of sheer quantity and quality of breasts, the number of scorching hot chicks willing to whip off their tops easily compensating for the film's dumb plot and desperate humour. The driving force behind this constant tirade of topless totty are best pals Ginger and Ducky (beautiful blonde Val Kline and brunette babe Jeana Keough) who visit their friend Sarah (Debra Blee) at her Uncle Carl's swanky beach property with the aim of partying hard all summer. Before long, there's a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals, although prudish Sarah is reluctant to join in the fun, keeping her plentiful assets under cover much to the frustration of hunky drifter Scott (James Daughton).The wild partying looks set to end earlier than planned when Uncle Carl arrives home unexpectedly after a tip off from nosy neighbour Mrs. Brinker (Mary Jo Catlett); however, Ginger and Ducky aren't about to give in without a fight and convince Carl to see things their way by seducing the lucky bloke. Another party is soon under way, and proves to be an even wilder affair than before thanks to the discovery of several bin liners full of weed washed up on the beach (having been dumped in a hurry by incompetent drug smuggler Captain Jack). Under the relaxing influence of the pot, and with more than a little encouragement from her friends, Sarah eventually sees the error of her ways, realises that life is too short to have inhibitions, and learns to have fun—by popping her top off to reveal her awesome rack and getting it on with a very lucky Scott on the beach. Don't you just love a film that comes with a valuable life lesson?This a lot of mindless fun, but don't make the mistake of thinking that all The Beach Girls has to offer is non-stop childish smut and teenage debauchery, 'cos you would be wrong: in addition to all the nudity and drug-related humour, the film also offers discerning viewers some truly surreal moments (a strangely out-of-place food fight gag and a talking bag of pot being quite bizarre), a silly secondary plot-thread featuring a bumbling coast-guard crew led by a captain who talks like Humphrey Bogart, a bit of frisbee action (admittedly from a woman with big tits), and Carl's Mexican gardener fighting his fiancé's Japanese chauffeur in a mud pit. So much more entertaining than a wrinkly alien and a flying bike, don't cha think?7.5 out of 10, rounded up to 8 for IMDb for the lovely Debra Blee, who reminded me a little bit of Jennifer Love Hewitt.

AWWW... The beach girls, an ol cable favorite. First saw this back in summer of 83 on many cable channels running it. It has the makings of an early 80's sex/comedy for sure. Good looking girls, parties and good atmosphere. Story isn't much, centers around three girls around college age who just wanna party and get naked every chance they can.. Out of the three, we have Sarah, the smart one with the rich uncle who lets her stay at his beach house. Now, uncle has no idea shes bringing her friends and throwing orgies, parties etc. But once he finds out hes in on getting her two friends for a pot smoking frenzy to keep him cool with them staying at the beach house and carrying on the party. There's also this dude that shows up named scott, hes picked up hitchhiking by the two wild friends, now scott seems very out of place in this picture. First off, he appears to be in his thirties and a drifter to boot. He seems so 1970's like hes way out of his element with these girls. But once scott meets sarah, he likes her and wants to protect her from any bad influences which includes trying to start a fight with some kid who trys to dance with sarah. Very strange considering hes only met her a few hours ago.. But overall, the beach girls does have that early 80's beach/sex/comedy feel to it... It really at times feels like a vacation itself . A departure from the movies we have today. This is a film at a time where things seem more innocent than it is these days. Beach girls i think was shot sometime in 1981. And shown in a few theaters and drive -ins in 1982. And all over cable in the summer of 83.. if your looking for some interesting and good fun and some good nudity, beach girls is for you. Trivia, for those interested this low budget movie has a first role cameo from an 80's more less mid 80's actress Cathrine mary stewart. Shes on screen no longer than 2 seconds , don't blink. But shes at the end .. By the way the grindhouse DVD version thats out now along with a movie called coach is the one to get . The DVD transfer is really clean... and widescreen.

Think of a snowflake.Beautiful.Unique.The Hand of god almost visible in its fragile yet perfect construction. Now Think of Beach Girls. Now think of the snowflake again. How could you even think of comparing them? By now blood should start to trickle out of your ears while your brain pointlessly tries to comprehend how wrong it was moments ago. Beach girls doesn't just show the hand of god. It is a blue print of how he made the universe with easy to follow instructions. This film is irrefutable evidence in the proof of god so compelling that even Richard Dawkins himself would tear out his own heart and offer it up to our vengeful lord as a penance. On the 7th day god did not rest. He made Beach girls. The Universe and all creation was a warm up.