Train (2008)

So much average

Good concept, poorly executed.

It's not great by any means, but it's a pretty good movie that didn't leave me filled with regret for investing time in it.

It's easily one of the freshest, sharpest and most enjoyable films of this year.

There aren't many spoilers here, all in the last couple of paras – everyone knows what's going to happen in a film like this and, because there's a single star, we also know who's going to be around all the way through.This is a familiar storyline with the on-train setting providing an interesting twist, but you have seen it all before. However, it's better than its IMDb score and better than other movies of this type for one reason, Thora Birch. Birch has long been one of the finest actresses around, who (like Emily Perkins and others) doesn't always get the top parts because other less good actors have more conventional good looks and of course the heroine has to be "beautiful". Unlike many fine actors, Birch doesn't stop trying just because she's in a less-than-brilliant movie, surrounded by less-than-brilliant acting from the rest of the cast. She's just as excellent in this as in 'The Hole' for example.The rest of the film is slightly better than OK. The dialogue is reasonable, the supporting cast aren't that bad, particularly some of the OTT bad guys, the story makes more sense than in many films of this type (though that doesn't mean it always makes a lot of sense) and the direction, shot-composition, pacing, etc. are all fine. There's a LOT of gore and splatter – it's that kind of film. Some have criticised it for being xenophobic and the reactions of the legitimate train passengers is one of the aspects which isn't believable. But this is not some thoughtful political allegory. Watch it for what it is, a fairly mindless splatter-thriller.There are a couple of real high-points towards the end. What she does to the bad guy after the climactic fight had me laughing and cheering – just hilarious! And the final 30 seconds are pure genius, for the expression on her face alone. I so wanted to see just 30 seconds more – that's all it would have taken! Thora Birch is great in this. If her performance doesn't pull you in and make you care, you must be one of those corpses on the hooks and tables. It drags this otherwise ordinary splatter movie up from a 4 to a 6. Worth a watch for anyone who can cope with the splatter. If you positively enjoy that kind of thing, then this is one of the best you'll see and not to be missed.

A group of wrestlers are boarding a mysterious train with their coach, only to find themselves dragged away in the night to have their internal organs harvested while they are still alive. Aside from being morbid and gross, this film didn't have much in it. About halfway through it I fell asleep. Watching pervy teenagers who dare each other to run around on a train naked for fun isn't exactly exciting. There was a lot of disgusting rape stuff that was unnecessary and degrading. The organ harvesting plot was apparently based on truth, but it was highly exaggerated and obviously not based on much of anything other than trying to creep people out for a quick buck or two. Unless you're a gore fan and have seen 'em all, I wouldn't watch this.

I feel bad for Thora Birch, having to be in this movie. First of all, the holes in the plot are glaringly obvious. It starts out decent enough with the wrestling match and semi-decent storyline. Once the team misses their first train, having snuck out the night before to party, you could tell that the Russian woman who was tantalizing the coach was the main 'bad guy'. The gist of the movie is the train's purpose is the black market for harvested body parts. Near the end, Alex see's a little Asian boy and realizes he has her now dead boyfriend's eyes. What has me feeling bad for Thora Birch is one minute she's running from the grotesque conductor and suddenly she's coming out from underneath a bed in a compartment. That makes no sense. My hand to God, this has to be the worst movie I've ever seen. Most of the movie is shot in near pitch darkness, so much so that you can't tell what's going on because you can't see!!! That is so frustrating to me and I'm sure lots of other people. I couldn't figure out how Alex is going to get somewhere safe. She's in Russia and her passport has been burned. This whole movie - sucks. I'm so thankful I didn't pay to watch this. A free preview of Cinemax, recorded. Don't waste your time or money.

I am a big fan of horror movies. Especially non-slasher disturbing shock cinema films. I love gory disturbing films with explicit violence if it has purpose and sense to the story. But this one doesn't. Sure, violence is there, and it has some great moments of massacre, but other that that, it still feels somehow censored (not showing penises several times throughout the film, for instance).Also, I'm the first person who sympathizes with heroes more than with villains in most horror films. Usually, I hope many survive, especially my favorite characters. However, in this one I didn't have any favorite characters. Somehow, all the 'good' characters are flat and pointless. Two of the characters are irredeemably stupid, two are decent, but killed to early. One had potential, but did nothing worthwhile. Thora Birch's character was the only one making sense, until... she returned on train!!! Really?? Not only Hollywood-esque, but also stupid and irrational decision. Her fight with the villains was rushed too.The villains were cool, though. Bit cliché, but the boss had unique face and was very attractive, conductor was cool too and the butcher had potential. I enjoyed inbred retards as well.Oh, yeah, just to mention (to whoever wants to spoil the end), no surprises whatsoever. Thora survives, all villains and all other good characters die. Just generic and predictable.However, OK horror flick for seeing if you are searching for blood and guts. But there are better films for that too, Hostel, Saw franchise and Hills Have Eyes being some of them.But, I'm being generous, since I gladly give 9s and 10s to movies I really love. This one isn't that awful, but if you expect Hostel, just don't. You'd be very disappointed.