The Lords of Salem (2013)

Thanks for the memories!

People are voting emotionally.

How sad is this?

The movie turns out to be a little better than the average. Starting from a romantic formula often seen in the cinema, it ends in the most predictable (and somewhat bland) way.

Rob zombie has made some absolute rubbish in the past but this is actually quite creepy. One particular song in this film completely freaked me out for days! It's certainly isn't perfect but it is a decent horror film.

RELEASED IN 2012 and written/directed by Rob Zombie, "The Lords of Salem" is a witchcraft/horror flick starring Sheri Moon Zombie as a DJ in Salem, Massachusetts, who is sent a wooden box containing a mysterious record dubbed "gift from the Lords." The creepy music thereof triggers flashbacks of her town's infamous past. Is Heidi going crazy or are the witches taking revenge on Salem?The ambiance, mood, directing, music, locations, sets and cast are all top notch, showing that Zombie has developed into a quality director since his first shot eleven years earlier with "House of 1000 Corpses," which was shot in 2000. This is serious haunting horror as opposed to the campy black comedy of "1000 Corpses" (not that there's anything wrong with that, lol). The movie mixes elements from "The City of the Dead," aka "Horror Hotel" (1960), "Suspiria" (1977), "Rosemary's Baby" (1968), "The Wicker Man" (1973) and "To the Devil a Daughter" (1976). If you like any of these movies, "The Lords of Salem" is as good or better.Usually when you see old hag witches in movies it's kinda eye-rolling; not so here. Rob gives us the real deal and it's not pretty, although I admit to busting out laughing every time the witches hailed Satan. Speaking of which, modern Wiccans won't like how the films mixes Witchcraft with Satanism (the truth hurts). Interestingly, there's almost as much Christian imagery as there is Satanic.One thing's for sure, Zombie doesn't paint witchcraft/Satanism in a positive light. It's similar to "The Witch" (2015) in this respect, where converting to witch-dom meant becoming a baby-slaughtering, blood-bathing, family-destroying, goat-sucking, friggin' pedophile hag with the illusion of youth. When the Devil eventually appears in "Lords," it's anything but a positive image.The story seems to perpetuate the myth that those condemned at the Salem Witch Trials in 1692-1693 were burned to death. Actually, 19 people were hung, another slowly crushed to death, and over 150 imprisoned.Sheri makes for a strong protagonist, but she's the extant of any eye candy on the female front. As noted earlier, the witches are all hideous hags and look even uglier with their clothes off. Meg Foster surprisingly appears as the lead witch. Meanwhile, Judy Geeson, Patricia Quinn and Dee Wallace are on hand as a dubious trio in modern Salem. Speaking of whom, they have a great (hilarious) tea scene with Bruce Davison, who plays an expert on witchcraft.THE FILM RUNS 1 hour, 41 minutes and was shot in Salem, Massachusetts; Sable Ranch, Santa Clarita, California (witches dancing around fire); and the Los Angeles Theatre (opera house).GRADE: B

Up to this Point, None of Rob Zombie's Movies have been as "Fun" as His Music. Mostly because He Insists on Ugly, Redneck Imagery with the Camera Lingering on Nasty, Sweaty, Disgusting People and Their Trashy Trailer-Park Habitat and Habits.His Music doesn't Evoke those Kind of Pictures in the Mind. It Projects Retro Matinees or Nights in Front of the Movie Screen or TV Lapping Up Old Movies, sometimes Really Old Movies like "A Trip to the Moon" (1903) or Serials like "Radar Men from the Moon" (1952).In this Movie Zombie gets around to some of that Feeling and comes close to that Rock Persona. There are some Scenes that Work Great and Play Off of the Director's Strength of Disturbing Silliness.But, Once Again, there's the Ugly, Disgusting, Dripping Nude Bodies of Very Old Men and Women Wrinkled Up and Proudly Displayed by Zombie as an In-Your-Face, One-Finger-Salute to all the Prudes in the Audience.Not Necessary, and it Detracts from the Scariness, and the Silliness, and the Nostalgic Nuances that is Rob Zombie's Forte when He doesn't "Stretch". This is His Best and Most Accessible Movie to Date. The Imagery is occasionally Cool and Creepy, and there's a Lot to Take In and the Cast is Remarkable and In-Tune with the Low-Budget Vibe.Rob Zombie has yet to Hit His Movie Making Groove, but This Thing takes the Filmmaker back to what made His Music so Unique, Enjoyable, and Interesting.

Heidi LaRoc (Sheri Moon Zombie), Herman Salvador and Herman Jackson are an alternative DJ crew at local Salem radio station WIQZ. A mysterious wooden box containing a vinyl record by the Lords arrives at the station for Heidi. Heidi interviews Francis Matthias (Bruce Davison) who wrote a book about the Salem witch trials. She decides to play the record on the air. It starts a series of disturbing visions. Matthias is concerned about the record and starts investigating.Rob Zombie has mastered the art of disturbing imagery. He has style to spare. His storytelling continues to be incoherent. This story is relatively simple which allows the audience to follow easier. I would love to see him direct somebody else's script and stick close to it. Without structure, he has a tendency to go off on a tangent.