Journey to Promethea (2010)

Nice effects though.

Memorable, crazy movie

best movie i've ever seen.

Absolutely Fantastic

While you can get away with low budget movies, trying to do so with a cast this large, produced a very bad result. Hackney scripting, acting and story telling. Bad props, terrible makeup, horrible voice effects. I do not blame anyone really, when you try to do a fantasy epic on 2 million dollars, Boom, this is your end result. This is ok for say, some friends who got together and did a fantasy movie, for almost zero dollars spent (because in reality 2 million for something of this scope is nearer to Zero dollars then not. ) Not good, not worth your time watching really.Compare and Contrast this with something like Saga, Curse of the Shadow .. That was "low" budget done right, I am sure its budget was bigger then this, but still, it was done right.

It was rather amazing how bad this was. It starts with a little set up of the prophecy and then you watch three groups of people wander around in the forest badly delivering poorly written and sometime completely nonsensical lines and then getting into poorly choreographed and boring sword fights. Add to that a thin unoriginal plot, some really bad affects and costumes that look like they were cobbled together from what they could find in their closets and you have something not worth watching. The quality of the acting, writing and film itself suggest that a bunch of friends walked into the local woods with a video camera. Billy Zane tried but he had nothing at all to work with.

When one chooses to watch "Journey to Promethea," with a poster featuring a sword-wielding, 45-year-old Billy Zane surrounded by hot babes and sweaty beefcakes, one should already be able to tell what he or she is getting into. There is nothing to suggest the presence of a well-crafted story, or decent acting, or interesting effects, or any level of professional film-making. All one should expect is a sword-wielding Billy Zane. And you're not going to get it! No, he never wields a sword, or even leaves his chair. But he does inexplicably - and literally - vanish into thin air at the end.A generation that hails "Troll 2" as a cult favorite for unintentional hilarity shouldn't pass up a movie like this. You like bad acting? It's there. Massive plot holes? Check. Bizarre, unexplainable behavior by characters who appear and die off for seemingly no reason? Of course! If it amuses you to see just how amateurish, rushed, and entirely unnecessary a $2,000,000 movie can be, and if you can find a way to watch it entirely for free, then "Journey to Promethea" is worth your time.

My 12-year-old nephew chose this film off our NetFlix suggestions list. I find this suggestion extremely frightening because it proves the Internets, or NetFlix at least, are now self-aware and have the ability to read not only into your mind, but your soul. In the opening scene of the film I was skeptical; were these 'medieval' costumes so clean because they were rented and needed to be returned later that afternoon? were there actually three Snow White figures in each town? is chrome armor so effective you don't need pants? do six soldiers make an army?As the piece continued, however, my disbelief lifted like a fog and I began to really get a feel for the characters. There was a woodland hunter, so human, so fallible, who did not realize he could not kill anything with his crossbow because there was no point on the arrow. This touch of subtlety in the creation of this work of art indicates a master's hand. The 'hero' character, young, naive, beautiful, wore knee-high boots with tassels that were as new to walking as he was to battle in a stunning display of symbolism. The greenish-yellow troll thing spoke with an electronically-altered voice rendering it completely impossible to understand and his floppy rubber hands warned me: DO NOT TRUST THIS TROLL. (I did not.) In London I saw Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart perform Samuel Beckett's "Waiting for Godot," but never before have I been blown away by a performance than last night when I saw Billy Zane's interpretation of the King (I forgot the king's name). His mannerisms: pure royalty. His face: a mirror into my own decadence. His hair: well, I think it was a wig. It would be criminal for me with my rustic intellect to even attempt a worthy critique. Like a sunrise after a storm or the birth of an angel, you must see it to fully understand its beauty and its effect on the human spirit. Many of you can appreciate a spectacular smile on a young woman, and boy does this film deliver. The filmmakers were well aware of the little-known tactic 'Amazon' warriors used with great effect: distract your enemy with the nearly-exposed female form. The grace and fluidity in movement of these lady-soldiers complement their skill as orators. When a supple young bodyguard tightens her delectable abdomen and draws a deep breath before pledging her very life to protect the princess, you find yourself hoping the situation never calls for blood, because she. is. serious. SPOILER: She lives like 2 more minutes. I realize this review must gloss over much of the film, but the one scene that cannot be overlooked, the culmination of hours, maybe days of writing, setting up, filming, is the final epic battle between good and evil. The King's general, Fat Round-Faced Bald Man with No Pants, finally confronts our hero and his sexy entourage. With an army of at least 6 men, No Pants Man boldly dispatches everyone in his way, even our hero's beloved mentor who was supposed to be an awesome warrior. Fortunately, our hero is reminded through (rather ill-timed) flashback to "Remember his Destiny!" and soundly defeats No Pants Man by knocking tobacco juice out of his mouth. Our hero and his semi-buff, shirtless brother, accompanied by super-hot princess run to thrust the glowing sword into a pile of cardboard. I am not sure why the film crew chose cardboard, but it worked. Miles away, Billy Zane burst into flames (much like my eyes had done during his performance) and that was pretty much it. All the 'townsfolk' in their very clean costumes walked towards their dazzling castle, painted on the sky in the far distance. In conclusion, this film, this commentary on the human condition, has started me on a new path. I no longer overlook starving homeless people. Now I look on with pity. I pick litter up off the street (as long as there is a trash can nearby). Please, take 84 minutes to watch this film and let's make the world a better place. One Star for only being 84 minutes long.