Disaster Wars: Earthquake vs. Tsunami (2013)

It's easily one of the freshest, sharpest and most enjoyable films of this year.

Although I seem to have had higher expectations than I thought, the movie is super entertaining.

The movie turns out to be a little better than the average. Starting from a romantic formula often seen in the cinema, it ends in the most predictable (and somewhat bland) way.

Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable

I made it up to 15 minutes to watch this and at first, I could only laugh, but after that, I started to get irritated and I couldn't watch it any further. I have seen more bad movies, but this one is really really really the worst one yet. All I can say: Don't bother! It's not worth you're time! I could make this kind of movie, with my mobile and my kids could play the actors. Yes!!! It is really that bad!!! I have to write 10 lines of text, so I can give my review, but I don't know how to fill these 10 lines. I can only repeat how bad this movie just is and don't spend any money on this. You can better rent ore buy an other movie, ore do something else with your hard earned money.

I know that to be fair one should give a movie a chance to develop before passing judgment on it. Well I gave this rubbish 10 minutes and I still feel that's 10 minutes of my life wasted. I'll keep this succinct. Every part of this movie is bad - but what would be a useful thing to do is, give the money that they saved by not having decent special effects, scriptwriter, director etc and give it to the people that spoke and pay for acting lessons. So because I have to write at least 10 lines about this truly "Disaster"ous movie, I'll continue writing on. I went to a cinema in 1985 and the headline movie was the "the worst movie ever made" it was called -Plan Nine From Outer Space,- where the alien was some bloke in a monkey suit that stood outside a cave next to a bubble making machine. After watching Earthquake vs Tsunami, it made Plan Nine From Outer Space look like a Royal Shakespeare company play with the worlds best actors. A big fat 0 out of 10.

Now in my top 20 worse movies ever made. The only person I recognized was the lady who played the Vice-President. She played the President in "24". Hard to believe. Was she that hard up for work? If you do start to watch this terrible movie, you'll probably find yourself skipping ahead until you actually see something happening. Special effects looked like it was done by a few 12 years old. Avoid headaches by skipping this disaster.A bit puzzled how this got even 3 stars. People could give all the spoilers they could and this still would not upset many people. Is the man in the bathrobe the hero? You won't care one bit.

I have a sickness. I find appalling movies gratifying. I've become so fond of them that I'm literally filled with glee when I see one. The worse it is, the more joy I appear to gain from it.Thus, I am a living, breathing meter of terrible. And I can tell you that my meter is off the charts on this one. I'm practically reeling in elation, and trust me, this is bad for you sane people.(The following text will be a series of hyperboles designed to push forth the general impression that the movie was bad. If you feel the need to stop reading now, I forgive you. Go in peace.)This is the first time I've ever looked at a film and said to myself, "You know what.. I think I could do better. By myself even." The special effects are downright horrifying. Horrifyingly bad that is. I have seen a friend of mine work with freeware software for a class project, and even he did better than what I just saw. These special effects are on the same level as "Birdemic" and "MegaPiranha." They are that bad (I recommend both movies, by the way.. Though you may hate me for it).How about the acting? Believe me, watching a dog bark at itself in a mirror will give you more empathy than anything you'll get from the acting in this one. How any director could look at this and say, "Yes, this works. It's really creating the mood," is a mystery to me. I don't think any other actors could possibly make an impending catastrophe appear to be less worthy of heartfelt emotion. The dialogue was so incredibly dry, and deeply inept.The best acting in the whole movie had to be the bums. They were great.What about the plot? Plot holes don't just exist, they hit you in the face with a shovel. The level of stupid is so high that it might actually seep out of your screen and get on you. I'm not going to bother giving examples, that would be cheating. But trust me, common sense doesn't exist in this one.I realize that budgetary concerns are commonly used as an excuse, but realistically there is no excuse. Amazing movies have been created on very tight budgets. If your special effects are bad, tighten your acting. If the acting is poor, smooth out the plot. There are ways to concentrate on the winning points of your feature. Even with everything else being terrible, your movie can still be entertaining and fun! This director failed to pick a winning point, but instead attempted to do everything at once, and the film had almost no noteworthy moments. Sadly, there was simply just no entertainment.The acting producer should be able to tell right away that something is wrong, and make appropriate course corrections for the production. For instance, the special effects: "Let's see, earthquakes, falling debris, tsunamis, satellites, lasers, nuclear explosions, submarines, bullet wounds and military technology ambiance. And I have a budget of.. Ah hell no. Something's got to go." This would have been a better answer than, "Awwright! We have a computer! Let's do it!" Lastly, I confess that it brings me joy to inflict this sort of insipid cinema on people. Please watch it. For me? xxoxxo, bye bye now.