Bad Man's River (1974)

The performances transcend the film's tropes, grounding it in characters that feel more complete than this subgenre often produces.

The film makes a home in your brain and the only cure is to see it again.

A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

There are moments in this movie where the great movie it could've been peek out... They're fleeting, here, but they're worth savoring, and they happen often enough to make it worth your while.

I would cheerfully watch a barrel of manure if it had Lee Van Cleef in it. But I draw the line at this.By rights, films this bad should be hilarious. Yet this is anything but. Why? Partly because it is SUPPOSED to be a comedy (did they decide that before or after production - difficult to tell). But mostly because there is no conviction. The over-riding production value is to go through the motions and get the thing over with. Hence the appalling score is unhingingly irritating and the "action" is so badly put together with freeze frames and plot jumps that I assumed my DVD player was playing up and I took the disk out to clean it. Sadly it didn't help. An electric sander might have improved matters by making the thing impossible to play. This film is drivel. Avoid.

Wow, did the soundtrack for this film stink...and I mean STINK! Imagine if the same person who scored some of the old Rankin-Bass Christmas specials got together with a guy who produces elevator music--that's what the music from this film sounds like! The horrible lyrics and music are completely wrong for an Italian "Spaghetti Western"--and are about as far removed from the great Ennio Morricone (who scored all the greatest films of the genre) scores as you can get. It's full of weird Lawrence Welk-style singing, weird European rock and whatever else they felt like haphazardly chucking into it. And, sadly music is one of the biggest reasons you'd want to see one of these Italian westerns in the first place. Because of this, I nominate this film for the most god-awful soundtrack in film history. If there's a worse one, I'd love to hear about it! Another big reason to see the films is the incredibly tough characters and style. This film stars the meanest and scariest of the bad-men, Lee Van Cleef. Yet, inexplicably, they decided to make this one a bit of a comedy!!! Lee Van Cleef in a western comedy?! That makes about as much sense as Richard Nixon becoming one of the backup singers for Diana Ross!! Van Cleef should NEVER, EVER be in a comedy.The rest of the cast, apart from the no-name Italians who play most of the minor roles, is pretty odd as well. None other than James Mason co-stars (a guy who seemed totally out of place in the genre and sported a weird accent to say the least). And looking quite fetching, Italian star Gina Lollobrigida.So, at the outset, this film had some pretty substantial strikes against it. Could the rest of the film overcome this goofiness?! Well, not really. While there were a few good moments, too much emphasis on bad comedy that fell flat was the film's undoing. One of the worst scenes that was supposed to be funny was the scene where the bad guys came to talk to the Federale commander and then began throwing dynamite about--it was sloppy, impossible to believe and not the lest bit entertaining. Overall, a bad film that just didn't work, the plot never gels and is clearly among the least interesting Italian westerns I've ever seen. Thank you Eugenio Martin for putting the BAD in "Bad Man's River"!

In the summer of 1972 I was a missionary for the LDS Church in Bandung, Indonesia. In those days we had one day a month we could go to a movie. On that particular day we chose to go see "Bad Man's River". I can't tell you how this movie ended as I got up and walked out in the middle of it! Mind you, this was the ONLY opportunity over a month long period that I could see I movie. In those circumstances, if I was to walk of a movie it must have been a real bowser. As I recall the straw that broke the camel's back was the sad realization that a more or less distinguished actor like James Mason had been reduced to appearing in total Derek. Lee Van Cleef was in his element, but even he was approaching the margin with this one.

Is it just me, or does James Mason wear a guilty look upon his face throughout this film, almost as if he's aware that he's wasting his talent in a sub standard cheapo? Bad Man's River is a bad film, but what makes it even more unforgivable is that a lot of classy stars were mysteriously persuaded to appear in it.It's an eccentric paella western about various outlaws and swindlers trying to steal cash from the Mexican government. Mason was once quoted as saying that he made it for fun and money, never thinking that it would get a release in England, but much to his horror and dismay it was picked up by Rank and got cinematic distribution.The film isn't as funny as it thinks it is and is made doubly irritating by frequent freeze frame shots (why were so many 70s films obsessed with the freeze frame gimmick?) and pantomime style music. It's a unique film, with a bizarre and unconventional flavour all of its own, but don't take that as a recommendation. The only thing I would recommend about this film is that you don't see it!