Urban Menace (1999)

It’s an especially fun movie from a director and cast who are clearly having a good time allowing themselves to let loose.

After playing with our expectations, this turns out to be a very different sort of film.

It is a whirlwind of delight --- attractive actors, stunning couture, spectacular sets and outrageous parties.

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

How did 4 big name rap superstars end up in a film like this? It reminds me of an old Adam & Joe sketch where they auditioned for genuine actors, cast the worst ones on purpose, and then deliberately made the most badly shot, rubbishly scripted 'hard hitting' gangsta film ever. For a joke. Well Urban Menace - is- that film, except in reality. A bunch of guys messing around and trying to act tough in a big poorly lit warehouse for an hour. The highlight of this bizarre calamity is Big Pun, who might have a posthumous claim for Worst Actor Ever. He is so bad it's surreal. Can anyone even understand a word he says? One of his lines that I'm guessing was supposed to be "so she had a change of heart" came out as "saaaa shaa shaaaa saaaaaaa". Skilled rapper yes, skilled line deliverer in bad film when attempting to act, not so much.To make matters weirder the whole movie is bathed in a trippy blue/gray light that makes it resemble some kind of boring dream. In fact maybe this was a dream? Yeah I'll go with that.

Don't watch this movie. You probably think:"I like watching some of those bad movies". Well, not this one. I thought I knew bad movies but this is a whole other league. Script, editing, actors... so bad! Watching this movie is the biggest waste of time ever so don't watch it!

I purchased this DVD & Driller Killer for 5 euro and expected something more than a compleat pile of crap. There is no story or plot.Urban Menace is a joke.I'm a fan of hip hop and usually find Ice T pretty lame but the tracks he used on this seem to be outtakes from his worst album.Snoop Dogg is rubbish and you would hardly know he was in it.Did he get paid $200 for an afternoons work? I give this 'film' one star simply because Fat Joe & Big Pun made me laugh with their rubbish 'acting'.If you could fix your DVD to only play the scenes with these two you could raise a smile. If you find the Urban Menace DVD lying in the street pass it by...a piece of burnt wood is more interesting.

I'm speechless. I used 30$ on buying this DVD. How could I know what to expect... To put it in one sentence: This is the biggest collection of crappy edited together awful scenes ever. You would think that the moron of a director Albert Puyan was TRYING to make the worst movie ever. Anyways, it seems he did it. Hooray for you. I've watched a few movies of Albert before too... I thought that a movie couldn't get worse then for example 'Ticker' and 'Crazy Six' but good old Albert was just warming up with those. There isn't even ONE thing that is good about it. Maybe when Fat Joe and Big Pun (a couple of fat rappers or something) couldn't say one line without looking at a script, and had to gasp for air like a whale after every sentence they composed.Now let's analyze why it's such a plain bad movie...The special effects... What did these people film this movie with? It look so bad that you could believe they drawed the movie on a paper. When the church burned at the beginning it's like they used a computer and MS Paint 95 to draw lotsa red on top of the church image who is supposed to look like flames. When I saw that I had a laughter kick. It's so ugly it's funny. The only thing they put some soul into, must be the cover with fake comments and etc. on it, to fool people into buying this... this thing.The plot... What plot? Well, as far as I understood (even thou I only watched about 15 minutes of it, which was way too much) Snoop Dogg is a preacher whose family was shot by some drug lords (the fat rappers) and the preacher transforms into a demon who will revenge his familys death. The rest of the movie is filmed inside an ugly building where some assasins enter every now and then to kill Snoop. But they can't because Snoop stares at them till they die with his demonic eyes or something, and in some underground cave-room with the druglords, fat rappers whatever, which really reminds me of Yabba The Hut.The music by Ice-T is also something of the worst crap i've ever heard and i'm a big fan of rap music. And the ridicilous introduction also by Ice-T...? That's so stupid it's nearly funny. This whole film is a huge joke. And a bad one. If anyone I know would cause me again to this joke I would kill them. It's not "one of the worst movies ever made", it's THE worst movie ever made. And i've even seen 'Da Hip Hop Witch'. It shall actively be avoided at any cost, an with all honesty -I would rather jump into a volcano then watch a second more of this big pile of s***. Sorry to use words like this, but it's the only way to describe it. The only way it may be used, is if there is no good movies left at your local movie rent store, you can just rent a crappy movie, and watch five minutes of Urban Menace before the crappy movie. The crappy movie will then seem like an Oscar-winner. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a movie to burn.I hope i've gotten out my point... :> Thanks for reading.