Longhorns (2011)

best movie i've ever seen.

The film creates a perfect balance between action and depth of basic needs, in the midst of an infertile atmosphere.

It's a good bad... and worth a popcorn matinée. While it's easy to lament what could have been...

While it doesn't offer any answers, it both thrills and makes you think.

I mean if we're being honest, you should know what you're going to get just from looking at the trailer for this sexy romp. Longhorns is really about a college aged Texan male who thinks he might be gay when he begins to fall for the only openly gay guy at his college. The movie isn't meant to have good writing or even good acting, its purpose is just to be a short sexy, sometimes sweet romp. And I think it does an alright job at doing that. Jacob newton is likable enough in the lead role of Kevin. Dylan Vox's only job in his role is just to be a homophobic, testosterone filled, sex crazed good ol' boy. And he succeeds at that. The comedy doesn't really work, I suspect though that if you're watching this it's not to laugh. So let's get to the sexy part. The sexual scenes include many scenes of males masturbating to tapes of pornography (hand moving under the covers while moaning). There's also a man drawing another man nude and a scene of a woman riding a man. The sentimental aspect of the movie only works in the sense of Kevin realizing his true love/sexuality and accepting it.

'Longhorns' from the beginning makes it pretty clear it's not going to be a great movie - a scene where the gay lead is banging a cheerleader and interpolating her with a random shirtless cowboy is never usually that promising - but there's enough endearing material in this film that you at least feel like you didn't totally waste your time. Jacob Newton is Kevin, the repressed gay lead, and he strikes you as pretty forgettable, especially for a movie which could use extra eye candy. Apparently he has some sexuality crisis at the beginning of the movie but I think the way the movie shows him 'becoming' gay is a little corny...(Spoiler alert) he doesn't show much internal conflict in hooking up with Cesar - played by Derek Villanueva - the first time. (Spoiler alert) And he barely forgets Cesar when he goes to hang out with his straight buds. I'm just saying that I think the writer(s) should have made the movie 15-20 minutes longer and showed more character development for Kevin. Both of the gay leads have best friends that they hang out with at Texas – Kevin's is Justin, played by Kevin Held, and Cesar's is Marsha, played by Bonnie Marion. For some reason, Justin makes a pretty big impression – clearly Southern, and the only character who actually seems to embrace the societal homophobia of the time (and some things haven't changed much there in Texas…even though it's usually talked about in private now), and I think he stands out in a good way from much of the cast. He also brings some country Texan flavor, which is sorely missing from the cabin scenes since the three guys there all come across as city slickers. Justin and Marsha both have small story lines that are forgettable. (Spoiler alert) Justin thinking that Cesar was going to take advantage of him for the English tutoring was about the only action in the film where you weren't sure what exactly was going to happen. The cabin scenes were somewhat funny, mainly at the start, but the Daniel character, played by Stephen Matzke, was pretty off-putting. I guess he was just playing the character as it was written for him, but Daniel just comes across as really awkward and out of place in all his scenes. Steve, played by Dylan Vox, does about as good a job as anyone, but he doesn't have a lot to work with. (Spoiler alert) The ending is pretty sweet when Kevin and Cesar reunite, but with the last happy shot they do on the farmland you kind of realize how short and stupid this movie is. You literally see a gay relationship played out in the course of what must amount to a week or two. Sure, it's a sweet beginning, but there's nothing of substance beyond how Kevin was a conflicted 'straight' guy who realizes he really loves this out homosexual, and so he must be homosexual too. That's all that happens in the relationship. All in all though this movie is pretty funny taken as a whole and it's definitely watchable. I enjoyed myself overall…if you're looking for something nice to stare at though, you only get the Cesar and Steve characters, unless you like Justin's hair, and Cesar comes across as fairly feminine, and Steve mainly stands out because of the rest of the cast. I also enjoyed the soundtrack and how it went with the movie – pretty cool vibes

Nothing about this so called comedy is "risque" or "sexy". Not one of the actors are particularly good looking. I could have easily done without any of the nudity. And I usually enjoy a good sex scene or 2 in a gay themed movie. All the male full frontal scenes in here just seemed completely unnecessary. The acting is pathetic. The whole all-American, Texas boy thing wasn't even remotely believable. The only reason I would consider this a comedy is because the whole movie in itself is a joke. You can't help but laugh at how ridiculous every moment of this film is. Everything from the opening fantasy scene to the constant mutual "pleasure" sessions.Seriously, don't waste your time.

This film is a delight from the moment it starts and doesn't let up until the very end - didn't even take time for a pit stop I was so caught up in the playfulness of this film. The cast is uniformly hot - all the guys and the gals too - lots of flesh - especially full frontal nudity - in fact all the male leads show it all - very unexpected and fun, fun, fun - not much of a story but the cast is so great to look at who cares? Some incredible eroticism done in a most unusual way - which catches you completely by surprise. In fact this film is full of surprises. A real winner. The Texas shots were all great - really gave you a sense of the way Texas looks - that part also surprised me.