Skull Heads (2009)

You won't be disappointed!

the audience applauded

So much average

At first rather annoying in its heavy emphasis on reenactments, this movie ultimately proves fascinating, simply because the complicated, highly dramatic tale it tells still almost defies belief.

I think once upon a time, this guy had something, when he produced things like the original puppet-master series. He did passable direct to video (now I guess direct to DVD) horror.This movie is just a confused mess. The big shock reveal is that (spoiler) Naomi's parents are brother and sister. Of course, even an inbred retard could have figured that one out in the first few minutes. Oh, and the brother has a thing for sheep, apparently.They have these puppets that are like the ones in puppet master, except they don't do anything particularly interesting.The plot (again, VERY predictable) is that a group of art thieves want to raid the place, they pose as movie producers, and hilarity ensues. But the whole thing is rather boring.

The film resolves around Naomi Arkoff, an emotionally backward young woman (Robin Sydney), who lives in a castle in Italy with her mother and her aggressive father, along with a dark secret hidden within the castle. The girl longs to visit the outside world, and the closest she is able to come to this is when a film crew arrives to use their castle for a backdrop."Skull Heads" is a 2009 drama/horror film written, produced and directed by Charles Band and distributed by his company Full Moon Features. As with other Full Moon films, the quality is on more of a cheese level, and there's a focus on small, doll-like creatures. In this case, "skull heads"... which have no real purpose to the plot, aside from showing up at the end for a bit of a twist that wasn't even really necessary. Like "Dangerous Worry Dolls", Band actually had a decent story without the need for dolls or other creatures. He could have perhaps been taken more seriously by making a straight story.There are some good elements to this movie. It is humorous if you recognize that Full Moon films are a special kind of picture. There's a bestiality joke or two in there. But mostly, it's recycled Charles Band at its best. The same castle he used in countless films for over twenty years now (his family's real Italian castle). The same Richard Band score from countless other films. And Robin Sydney, who seems to be his regular go-to girl now. Not that I'm complaining.Robin Sydney gets nekkid! Now, that's all fine and good. She's a beautiful woman (and really nice, too... I encourage everyone to meet her). It's just odd that she chose to do so now, after years of being in these films. I hope she isn't trying to get noticed. We love you, Robin, with or without your clothes.The best thing I can say about "Skull Heads" is that it has awesome bonus features with Jeffrey Combs, Barbara Crampton and Stuart Gordon being interviewed by William Shatner. It's pretty bizarre to see all these people in one room. I presume this is cut from another DVD (the Shatner Christmas special?), but if you haven't seen it, it's really a gem and I'm excited that it made the disc.A reviewer from France commented that, "Instead of watching this try blowing yourself". And, typically, I would give a similar assessment. Except that I knew going in to the film that I was going to get pretty much exactly what I got. And with that mindset, it's not all that bad. Certainly not half as bad as "Gingerdead Man". I laughed a bit, I enjoyed some alcoholic beverages, and it went alright. You might want to do the same, but only if you go in prepared.

No, not thanks for a good movie. Thank you for so consistently showing me what true crap can be. And while I'm thinking about it, what's up with your weird, almost fetishistic, obsession with small weird things? It seems like pretty much every Full Moon production I've ever seen revolved around small, odd creatures. A unique gimmick, to be sure...but isn't there more to making movies? Oh right...a synopsis.Basically this is a "criminals run afoul of a weird family" kind of movie where, of course, the criminals have the tables turned on them. The extra bit of spice thrown in are the "skull heads", tiny spirits (ok...really they're just crappy little dolls) who are supposed to protect the castle the family lives in (huh?). You might be wondering why a European castle is occupied by a crass American white trash father and his inexplicably hot and intelligent wife, but you really SHOULD be wondering why the hell your DVD player is still on.I think I've already given this movie more time than it's worth. Don't watch it. Period.

OK, first things first. "Skull Heads" is redundant. Most skulls are located in the head. That said, this movie-film is idiotic-stupid. There's a bratty 30 year old daughter who actually slaps herself in the head and murmurs "I'm so stupid" over and over again. A retarded half brother who cries over his beloved lamb (lunch). A snobby mother who seems more white trash than upper class. And the Dad (he's a real piece of work) who seem to have gone to the dad from Texas chainsaw massacre school of acting. It kind of reeks of regional theater at the community center in Coos Bay, Oregon or Flagstaff, Arizona. The movie puts on all these airs, Poe is recited by people who couldn't deliver a line to save their career. Oh god, it's awful and someone spent money on this. Instead of watching this try blowing yourself.