Hell High (1989)

You won't be disappointed!

If you don't like this, we can't be friends.

Good concept, poorly executed.

I cannot think of one single thing that I would change about this film. The acting is incomparable, the directing deft, and the writing poignantly brilliant.

I thought this film was funny. No worse than any other 80s horror movie. It is what it is. I also thought it was funny that they tried to pass off such old looking talent as high schoolers. I mean that chick looked like she was almost 40! Hahahaha I read on here the teacher who killed as a kid was pregnant during the movie. You could see that in one of the shots when she's out of the shower. Also you could tell they used a body double in the shower too. The skin was more tan and you could see the body double's long pony tail when the teacher had short hair. Also I think the teacher got a bum deal in the movie. I mean why did she have to get killed just because she went crazy. She went crazy for a good reason.

If you want to see a movie with a plot, don't watch Hell High. If you want to see a movie and not spend 2/3 of it scratching your head, don't see Hell High. In fact, if you grew up anywhere in the world other than Scarsdale, New York, DO NOT SEE HELL HIGH!!! It is the worst movie imaginable. But I will say, it does have one amazing redeeming quality. If you attended Scarsdale High School, I do recommend seeing it because about 8 minutes of the film are shot in the hallways and a science classroom. The feeling of seeing your high school in a "professional" horror movie is really cool and probably worth it for that if for no other reason. If you do not meet the one criteria I offered, It's the biggest waste of money EVER. You might as well take your 5 dollars and put them in a Cuisinart.

This is the stupidest film I've seen since "Zombie Nightmare." A little girl with blond pigtails and a frilly pink dress (The Bad Seed, anyone?) accidentally kills a teenage biker and his girlfriend by throwing swamp mud into their faces while they are driving. The two are thrown and impaled on some conveniently placed stakes and the girl runs away, forever scarred and guilt ridden. Fast forward about 20 years and the pigtailed little cretin is now a science teacher at a local high school. Her students are unruly and disrespectful and when she slaps one arrogant jerk across the face, he vows revenge. He and his loser friends - cast an overweight nerd, a slut and a dumb jock - attack the teacher in her house one night, throwing handfuls of green swamp muck against her windows and dancing on her roof whilst wearing Halloween masks. Of course, they take the whole thing Too Far and the already mentally fragile teacher snaps, running around the rest of the movie in a silky nightie with a machete in one hand. This really isn't a typical slasher, if you want the truth. The terrorized teens all deserve what they get, displaying no morals whatsoever and basically proving themselves to be every bit as psychotic as their teacher. There are some nice touches to be found here: the killer is a woman, the slut swings both ways and the one guy with a thin moral streak is only Doing The Right Thing to save his own bright future. This film doesn't suffer from unoriginality - it suffers from painful stupidity. The script is horrible, the cast can't act worth a damn and the situations that arise are so utterly implausible that you'll be wondering if this was set in some parallel dimension where common sense doesn't exist. For example: the proper reaction upon finding your next door neighbor covered with mud and crouched in front of her broken window with a machete in her hand is NOT to force feed her some 'ludes and then leave! Good gods, who wrote this? A 5 year old with ADD?Once again, Joe Bob Briggs and his comedy commentary make this a much more bearable viewing experience. Otherwise, this is a terrible 80s slasher, filled with all of the hideous fashions of that depressing decade. A couple of graphic murders may impress gore fans, but sitting through the other 70 odd minutes just isn't worth the effort. I've seen more interesting toilet bowl stains.

But that's what i did. We were at the mall, having just come from my orthodontic appointment, and I was supposed to go back to school. However, once the title "Hell High" caught our eye, we had to see it. I remember a goofily inane, low-budget horror movie that featured a scene of a beautiful teacher becoming vocally aroused just taking a shower (because when women soap up their breasts, they are helplessly turned on.) And that's almost all I remember. But I guess I fared better than a friend who, a few years previous, had seen Revenge of the Nerds with his little, old grandmother. And, thinking on it now, I saw Clash of the Titans when I was like eight or something with my grandfather. A chaste shot of a woman leaving a bath was pretty exciting then. Later on, at dinner, my sister yelled out that I had told her there was a "tushie" in the movie. I was mortified. I could hardly deny I had said it, after all, as her knowledge of said tushie was proof enough. A shadow fell over my grandfather's face and not another word was said for a long time. A horrible memory.