The Brainiac (1962)

The thing I enjoyed most about the film is the fact that it doesn't shy away from being a super-sized-cliche;

This is a small, humorous movie in some ways, but it has a huge heart. What a nice experience.

One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable

Mexico, 1661: Baron Vitelius of Astara (Abel Salazar) is sentenced to death by the Mexican Inquisition for acts of heresy, witchcraft, necromancy and generally being annoying. As he is burnt alive and a comet passes overhead, the baron vows to return in 300 years to take revenge by killing Inquisitors' descendants. Sure enough, three centuries later the comet reappears, bringing with it the baron, who is able to change from human form into a hideous brainsucking monster.The Brainiac features one of the goofiest movie monsters you're ever likely to see in a horror film, Mexican or otherwise, the wholly unconvincing creature having tubular quivering pincers, a pulsating hairy head, pointy rubber ears and nose, extra large fangs, and a forked tongue with which to suck out its victims' brains. But as hilarious as this monster is, it cannot make up for the film's dull plot, lifeless direction and cheap production values: printed backdrops stand in for real locations, the comet looks like a cut-out piece of paper stuck to a sheet of glass, and the baron's hypnotic gaze is achieved by shining a light into his eyes.The film's best moment is the shocking discovery of a body suspended upside down in a bath-tub (the man's head underwater), although any scene featuring the voluptuous Rosa María Gallardo as astronomer Victoria Contreras is worth a look (she can calibrate my telescope any day of the week!); worst (and consequently funniest) moments include the arrival of the creature inside a rock, the baron sneaking off to tuck into his bowlful of brains, and the wide-eyed expressions on the faces of his mesmerized victims.

The Brainiac opens in Mexico City 1661 where because it is ruled by Spain they've brought in the Inquisition. A certain nobleman played by Abel Salazar has been tried and found guilty of all kinds of nasty things the Inquisition frowns on. As he's burned at the stake Salazar says he's coming back to settle accounts like anyone named Corleone would.300 years later as a new comet which apparently is only seen by a select few goes across the sky Salazar reappears as a wealthy baron. But when he gets the descendants of his accusers alone, he turns into one ugly beast with a hypnotic stare that freezes them. Then out come the teeth, a pair of sabre-tooth tiger like fangs where he drills into their skulls and sucks out the gray matter.This doesn't exactly have the production values of a Yankee film, but for the genre it's not too bad. I guarantee nightmares for days.

The opening inquisition is a little misleading: it's a "traditional" horror movie setting- but "The Baron," as it turns out, is, in fact, an e-t, incognito. (And one must ponder his choice to magically divest himself of his manacles only to submit to being burned alive at the stake... Is this guy into pain, or what...?) His "return" (to Earth, from Space) some 300 years later, via custom-made asteroid, makes it clear that this guy's from Out There. (WHY he chose to ride a comet around the galaxy for 300 years is something else to ponder.) With his forked, anteater-like tongue, he sucks out the brains of his chosen victims; between meals, he snacks on a bowl of (possibly pig) brains he secrets in a large trunk. (The actor playing "The Baron" seems to have a hard time, uh, swallowing all of this: take a good, close look at his face the very first time we see him sneak a bite of brain: he looks like he's about to up his chuck.) Not a bad little movie; definitely worth a look.

The movie begins and a voice-over narration explains the role of the Inquisition in the creation of the monster we're about to see--but wait a minute, it's not actually a voice-over! The dialog is coming from a hooded figure! And it keeps going... and going... and going... my God, when will it stop? Then, the real fun starts. Seems ol' creepy sets a curse on his killers to destroy all their progenitors 300 years in the future (i.e., 1961, or present day at time of film-making). That is fine, and the gruesome throbbing mask is some awesome effects, but of course this also means a rather ludicrous amount of hypnotizing and brain-sucking which would honestly have made a pretty good movie, except that it's completely contradictory. The hypnotizing (and can I make a quick aside and point out that it seems like a lot of b horror from the 30s to the 70s seems obsessed with hypnotizing?) seems only to affect men into permanent paralysis; women, on the other hand, seem much more interested in running into the closest available entrapped corner possible (which is funny when said entrapped corner is actually just a light-pole); and the monster apparently sucks out the brains only to... store them... and eat them a tiny dosage at a time...? Yep, a real brain glutton, this monster is.But it's all fun and games, and there's some pretty nice effects. I could do without the monster's claws looking so phallic. I could also do with less attempts at trying to make the monster, when in human form, seem attractive to people (because he isn't). Otherwise, the movie serves its purpose as a popcorn thriller with a rubber monster mask nicely.--PolarisDiB