Rollergator (1996)

That was an excellent one.

Slow pace in the most part of the movie.

This is one of the few movies I've ever seen where the whole audience broke into spontaneous, loud applause a third of the way in.

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

I have only looked at the recent short from Rifftrax and, from what I saw, to give this zero-budget 'thing' any stars should be a crime; since IMDb requires a minimum of 1, that's all it could 'possibly' get.Everyone involved with "Rollergator" must have known they were making the equivalent of 'cinematic fecal matter'. Cheap and amateurish in every imaginable aspect of film-making, this pile of celluloid dung's only two redeeming qualities were the presence of the self-loathing (I suspect) Joe Estevez who may have thought:'I know full-well what I'm getting into, but don't care because I'm expected to be in intentionally-crappy films. How awful can I be in this one?') and the not-so-bad-looking blonde actress, Sandra Shuker, although her thespian skills border on non-existent. That's really it, folks. It's that bad.The talking (!) baby alligator puppet would have even been improved by merely sewing eyes on a sock...you'd get the same effect, really. I guess it's all an intentional joke because it looks so obviously-fake. Anyone who's heard of 'Ed the Sock' has seen this before and just as believably; only Ed's perpetual cigar was missing.Saying, 'This is the worst (fill in the blank) I've ever seen, etc.' is asking for it. Something even more horrifically-cheap and stupid may actually be possible...a shuddering thought, considering what I saw of this thing.

Plot summary: a girl tries to keep a puppet away from Joe Estevez, who wants it to exploit it to make money to keep his carnival open. I was able to glean this from other reviews because I really couldn't get that much information from the recording itself.At least Joe Estevez was kind enough to shout all his unintelligible lines so you can make out the word "wiener" once in a while. It seems like this movie was made by this method: 1. Donald Jackson went to his job as a janitor at a carnival and accidentally left his belt-buckle spy camera on the whole time. 2. He watched it and thought it seemed kind of boring so he dubbed loud acoustic guitar music over the whole thing. 3. He added credits and called it a movie.I don't know whether you'd call this a spoiler or not, but the rollergator is a puppet that the main character carries around with her. It doesn't do any rollering. So the name is a bit of a reach. I would have gone with "Backpackpuppet" if I were in charge of naming it. If you didn't know Joe Estevez was an actor of sorts who probably required payment, you could reasonably believe this recording was made for free. Maybe he didn't know he was in it. That would explain some things.Still. A better love story than Twilight.

There are some films made that are must see cinema, from fabulous storytelling, through superb acting, talented direction, to stunning cinematography. Sadly Rollergator isn't on of them, if there was ever a film made not to be seen than Rollergator meets all the criteria and more. it's appalling. Words almost fail me, there are no redeeming features whatsoever in the film, there are some parts that beggar belief, from the alligator himself through to a painfully lame martial arts display. Oh yes, I forgot the soundtrack, endless strumming away bu someone undoubtedly a friend of the film makers who did it as a favour in return for a credit listing, what a dreadful racket. I was almost reduced to tears begging this film to end. By comparison Hobgoblins is the work of a master, and that was what I would have said previously the worst film I'd ever had the misfortune to see. It's hard to forget this film, I will remember when and where I was when I saw it, it is etched into my consciousness and not in a good way. If you like really bad films then this is one for you, but be warned, this film is worse than you imagine it could be no matter how many reviews you read, how awful the comments here are about it, and how based on your previous film history you think ti could be, it's worse than that! No amount of alcohol or other substances is going to improve it either.

A very nice and funny independent production, a road movie on Rollerblades: Sandra Shuker plays a young woman who finds a talking baby alligator (I'm not a baby, I'm almost twelve)who is running away from a fair market owner (Joe Estevez) who wants to make a lot of money with an talking alligator. The girl puts on her Rollerblades and they start into a fascinating journey.The girl helps the alligator to escape and get back to the swamp and to his friend the Swamp Farmer, played by Conrad Brooks, maybe the last survivor of Ed Wood's "Plan 9".The story is really nice and the end when Joe Estevez turns into an alligator is one of the funniest scenes ever. Since "Hell comes to Frogtown and "Roller Blade Seven" I'm interested in the work of director Donald G. Jackson. Roller Skaters, Ninjas, talking Alligators and pretty girls and not to forget his unique visual style makes the difference between Jackson and other Low Budget Filmmakers.If you'd expect an action movie, forget it but if you like bizarre movies who are not like other ones than give this one a chance.