Roadside (2013)

The Worst Film Ever

That was an excellent one.

Memorable, crazy movie

This is a small, humorous movie in some ways, but it has a huge heart. What a nice experience.

Never try to be Hitchcockian. And this goes for you, M. Night., as well. OK, even M. Night Shyamalan wouldn't have taken on this script. But, writer/director Eric England did. And he even hired a Bernard Herrmann- esque composer for this film. Shame. Despite that score also being a rip-off, it was the best part of this movie.Independent horror films can be a gem. If you can find them. Though I love watching them, I only find one really great one for every twenty I watch. Most recently, I've been binge watching several Indie-Horror movies, including this one. Of the six, only Summer Camp rose above average and was almost perfect. It's not every day you discover a: The Invitation, The Final Girls, Summer Camp or the granddaddy of them all: Halloween. Boy, do I love those days.This Wednesday…wasn't one of them.Aside from the major plot holes, were the additional WTF moments: Why would he do that? She wouldn't do that! He could do this. He didn't think of this? Let me back up. The movie involves a troubled couple on the way to spend Christmas at the male-half's family house. They get stopped on Christmas Eve in the middle of nowhere by a sniper with the least effective and hilariously bad voice telling him what he'll do if the male-half doesn't obey his wishes.Basically, the husband stays outside in the cold with the threat of being shot if he tries to reenter his vehicle while his very pregnant wife must stay inside the car…or the hidden-in-the-woods sniper will kill one or both of them.Okay, I get the concept and for a point, it's interesting. But, as it wears on, it gets predictable, problematic and annoying with the (again) man's terrible voice. It was so incredibly un-creepy and unintentionally hilarious, it was hard to feel threatened alongside our victim couple. Plus, the script even hints at the killer man's omnipotence with a subplot that, very sadly, begins and goes nowhere in seconds.Maybe this was an experimental film and w/d Eric England wanted to get his feet wet first. Not sure. But, I know he did surround himself with talent. Unfortunately for him, his future film lineup doesn't look promising. Whelp, good luck to him because this surely isn't recommended nor am I dying to dive into another of his projects.***Final thoughts: To be fair, this movie wasn't 100% terrible. There were moments of flair. But, for the love of all that's horror, listen to your gut. When you hear the mysterious man in the woods, or "the killer," and he sounds silly and nonthreatening, hire someone with a deep and scary voice and ADR the sh|t out of those scenes. Please.

ROADSIDE is a cheapjack horror/thriller combo about a couple who go out driving one night and end up being stranded in their car by a sniper lurking in the woods. It's a low budget suspense movie that clearly wants to be the next PHONE BOOTH, but the single location set-up of the thing is all it has going for it.Instead this is a boring film filled with unlikeable characters and overwrought acting. Nothing much happens for long stretches and attempts at suspense fall flat over and over again. It doesn't help that you don't give a fig for the characters supposedly in peril while the villain of the piece is equally dull and yawnsome. Lots of shooting-in-the-dark cinematography follows, leaving viewers to squint their eyes and wonder why they're still watching until the final, predictable scene unfolds.

Roadside is a very smart horror thriller. Set on Christmas Eve, Dan and his pregnant wife Mindy are on their way to visit Dan's relatives. On the way they encounter someone on the road that is trying to cause an accident with his truck by constantly slamming on the breaks in hopes they rear end him. stop for gas and meet the store clerk; an kind and accommodating older gentleman, a police officer, and the asshole from the truck. After a brief encounter and an exchanging of words, they continue on their way to see thee family.On the way they encounter a log in the road, blocking their path, and as Dan gets out to move it, their nightmare begins. In the woods on the side of the road hides a sniper, and he refuses to let them leave. Throughout the night, they are shot at, terrorized, their dog gets murdered, and Dan takes a bullet through the hand.Hours later, Dan's brother in law comes to look for them and faces a pretty bloody, untimely death. Mindy goes into labor, and Dan decides its time to fight back and get his wife and unborn child to safety. He uses gasoline, road flares, and a book of matches to devise their escape plan.In what seems like is about to be an anticlimactic series of moments they set their plan into motion. They distract the sniper by igniting a fire to interfere with the snipers night vision scope. Dan fast breaks to their vehicle to haul ass out of there. It looks like the plan worked, until the sniper finds his sights back on Dan. BOOM... a bigger explosion goes off to blind the sniper through the scope, and they get away.As their making their way to a hospital they begin to run out of gas. Out of gas they start the footing it as fast as possible, but Mindy can barely go any further with her labor pains. Just when all looks bleak we see a car in the distance. Mindy fires a flare to get their attention. The driver stops and they climb in. They are relieved that it's the kind store clerk. The happy music starts and all looks promising.... or is it?Who was the sniper? What fueled his hate for Dan and Mindy? Do they make it to the hospital safely? Find this out and everything in between to see exactly how enjoyable of a film this is. There's a few moments that make you think you have everything figured out, but then you are hit with a curve ball that shows you that you have no idea of the darkness these soon to be new parents. I would recommend this film to anyone. It has a really well done script. The intensity and terror these people go though is very believable. Ace and Katie turn out very believable performances that they both should be proud of. Ace Marrero, who reminds you of SVU star Danny Pino, plays the husband and soon to be father at a crossroads in life, and Katie Stegeman plays a great bitch that is fed up with her husband's sneaky ways and isn't afraid to show it.Danny Mozz www.theshockchamber.com

****Not sure if this really contains a spoiler. I talk about the end, but I don't give it away. Just a bit about whether or not I liked the end. So if you don't want to know if it had a good, great, horrible or even alright ending, stop reading towards the end of this review.****I went into this with little expectation of liking it. Then I did like it. The dialogue between the husband and wife was entertaining, never forced or stilted nor boring. The writing was reasonably done as was the acting. Honestly the only character I disliked was the bad guy. Duh, right? I didn't dislike him because he was the bad guy I just didn't like the way his lines were delivered. Knowing what I know now(the ending) I wonder if this was done on purpose. I watched this really waiting for what I thought, no, knew to happen. But it didn't it keep on . Then it ended. Yep. It ended. All movies end you are thinking. Yeah, they do. But this one ended before I thought it would. It surprised me. That doesn't happen often. Did I like the end? I don't know. Maybe I'm just to used to "and they all lived happily ever after, The End." Maybe I just like more explanation. I don't know. I didn't hate it. But I didn't love it either. Sequel , anyone?