Big Zapper (1974)

Load of rubbish!!

Instead, you get a movie that's enjoyable enough, but leaves you feeling like it could have been much, much more.

The movie's not perfect, but it sticks the landing of its message. It was engaging - thrilling at times - and I personally thought it was a great time.

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

There is a great deal of snobbery directed at low budget movies. 1973's 'Big Zapper' is a good example of this. It is certainly not a lowpoint in British cinema, as one reviewer has stated. This energetic spoof of private eye movies is directed by Lindsay Shonteff, and stars the luscious Linda Marlowe as white-clad, sexy investigator 'Harriet Zapper'. After putting an ad in the Village Gazette, she is hired by wealthy 'Jeremiah Horn' ( Jack May ) to find his missing daughter 'Pandora'. The trail takes her to the deranged crime-boss 'Kono' ( Gary Hope ) who dispatches an army of killers to deal with Harriet. Of course, she's more than capable of looking after herself. Why did I enjoy this movie so much? Possibly because it serves as a perfect antidote to the increasingly anodyne fare currently served up by Hollywood. C.G.I. is awful when used as the focal point of a movie. 'Big Zapper' is tremendous, insane fun, and Marlowe is a knockout in the title role. Its impossible to take seriously a movie which features characters with names like 'Rock Hard' and 'Strawberry Jim'. There are the odd moments of Pythonesque humour, such as a bright light appearing when Harriet drops her knickers, and a severed head uttering an apology. Never mind the low budget, just enjoy the ride.

Director Lindsay Shonteff apparently saw himself as neglected genius frozen out by the film establishment on both sides of the Atlantic, but on the basis of Big Zapper, they were right! It is simply awful in every department - bad acting, a terrible script, shoddy action and lame attempts at 'humour'. The only thing good about this movie is Shonteff gives the female lead all the action, unlike so many action heroines who are relegated to second fiddle behind a male star. Unfortunately, Linda Marlowe, who must have been cast because a slight facial resemblance to the wonderful Diana Rigg is thoroughly unconvincing as a screen fighter. Then again, the likes of Pam Grier or Reiko Ike would probably look just as bad being directed by Shonteff.The action scenes are simply absurd, with pride of place going to a scene near the end of the movie. Confronted by about ten guys, she somersaults through the air landing behind a handy heavy machine gun and shoots them down like ninepins! As a fan of female action cinema, this one was a huge disappointment. looking at the late Mr Shonteff's website it seems there was a sequel made which features the respected actor Alan Lake as a villain. It's a measure of how low things had got in the British film industry that he was forced to act in stuff like this.

The fearsome and paid swordsman challenges Zapper. His head flies through the air and lands in the arms of his boss. The head says to the boss 'Sorry boss' and then is silent. Zapper undresses in front of the bad guy. Instead of the beaver You see a flashing star, blinding the bad guy. Everything is played by the actors as if it was Shakespeare, but it isn't Shakespeare - it's far better than that! This isn't pretentious society-glorification. Taken to its maximum (or minimum?) or, in any case, to its extreme, this movie proves that society cannot be taken seriously and especially not entertainment and sex. A film for all those, who have seen enough of main-stream entertainment.

This has to mark a low point for the British film industry; it is cheap, slapdash, sleazy, painfully unfunny but, most unforgivably, totally dull. Most of the actors look embarrassed to be involved with the exception of Gary Hope, as Kono, who throws himself into the part with such vigour that he reaches a crescendo in the first scene and has nowhere to go from there. The tone lurches unevenly from one scene to the next: the film opens with the brutal murder of a young girl (naked, of course)after which we are treated to Zapper getting dressed, explaining in a monotonous Marlowe-style voiceover how her boyfriend, Rock Hard, keeps pestering her for a whipping session. From here on the violence is fairly comical, at least I assume the kung-fu scenes are supposed to be funny.Naturally all this "action" is bogged down by shots of Zapper driving around London, so Shonteff tosses in gratuitous nudity every so often to perk up the interest. When we eventually reach the climax, so to speak, the ending is so abrupt as to be almost non-existent, thus denying those who have had the fortitude to sit through the whole thing the bonus of a payoff.The concept of a female private eye, along with spoofing James Bond and so on, is a reasonable one; but what these films need more than anything else is a strong visual style and this effort is completely lacking in any style, visual or otherwise. The sets are dismal, as are the locations; the costumes are tacky and the theme music repeated throughout. I thought Shonteff's 'Devil Doll' was bad, but I suppose everything is relative.