The Ninja Squad (1986)

If you don't like this, we can't be friends.

Excellent, Without a doubt!!

Admirable film.

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

The Ninja Squad is another Godfrey Ho Ninja flick that's so bad it's entertaining like the previous ones and the ones that came later. The Ninja squad is entertaining for several reasons, one is that the Ninja's costumes all have headbands with the word "Ninja" on, it's like they're pointing the obvious to the audience, another thing is that the Ninja's are all white males, no Japaniese Ninja's just white Ninja's which is funny since the Ninja originated from Japan so you'd think they'd have some Ninja's from Japan. Another thing is that the main character Billy has spent all this time being a Ninja yet he doesn't even dress up or use any Ninja skills, he just beats them up or uses Machine guns. The reason for this is simple, apparently Godfrey and Joespeh Lai found reels of unreleased Hong Kong movies so to make a quick bit if money they shot some Ninja scenes and edited it in to other films then re-dubbed the unreleased movie they was using to make it like it was connected to their Ninja movie, it does make sense since why does the films always have a Ninja plot and a non Ninja plot, wouldn't it just have one plot like American Ninja. That was a very interesting bit of information I found out because it does make more sense when watching these Godfrey Ho Ninja movies. One thing you've got to put your hats up for is Richard Harrison, he's been in so many of these Ninja movies I lost count. He must of been a good sport to star in these low budget movies, he must of known they were cheesy but he still did a great job and starred in them. Later he stated that it made him feel like a prostitute but he was in that many you can't blame him, most of them was shot in the same year. The film sees a young boy named Billy training with Ninja Master Gordon (Played by the great Richard Harrison.), years later Billy returns home to his family. Billy needs to find a job since being a Ninja doesn't qualify as a paying job, it makes you wonder why Billy decided to spend all that time training with Gordon if he's told to get a proper job but again the whole Billy plot was from another movie. Meanwhile Gordon gets a threat from a Ninja named Ivan the Red who challenges him, he declines so Ivan then goes around killing other Ninja's to make him the ultimate Ninja Warrior. The Ninja's in this movie get killed way to easy, just a slice in they're stomach and they're dead and the funny thing is there's no blood. I guess they couldn't afford fake blood effects, there are some movies where a guy gets stabbed and he's still alive. Anyway Billy meets a group of thugs and beats them up and so because of that the kill his mother so Billy decides to get his revenge, Billy also has other problem since his girlfriend's father doesn't like her being with him since "He's a Ninja and a very dangerous man." Ivan the Red keeps discarding these Ninja's until he gets to fight Gordon then he will try and kill Billy, Gordon gets ready to face Ivan the Red and stop him from becoming the ultimate Ninja Warrior.The Ninja Sqaud is another cheesy, low budget Ninja movie that's entertainingly funny and should be seen if you're in the mood for a laugh at some Z-grade fun. Check this out. 10/10

Richard Harrison returns once again (albeit unwittingly if you know the history behind these films) as a ninja master yet again named Gordon (but ostensibly not the same character in each film)At the inception of the movie we see Gordon training a young student named Billy in the ancient warrior art and explaining to him it's historical origins. The film then inexplicably jumps forward in time some years to when Billy is grown up (and strangely sporting an Australian accent!) and has returned to his native home (The Phillipines?) where he manages to get on the wrong side of a gang of heavies and their vicious boss who are extorting money from the villagers amongst other criminal activities.If you're familiar with the 'Cut and Paste' 'Masterpieces' synonymous with the names of director Godfrey Ho and producer Joseph Lai then you'll know exactly what to expect here.The segments showing the 'grown up' Billy in this film are in fact footage taken from a completely separate film with the newer footage of Harrison's character and the other ninjas spliced into it at irregular intervals.Anyway, back to the 'plot' at hand....Whilst Billy is experiencing problems involving the gangsters, Gordon is having some trouble of his own in the form of an evil Ninja calling himself Ivan the Red (Dave Wheeler) whose aim is to challenge Gordon to combat in order to prove his fighting supremacy and to wrest the supreme 'ninja power' from him. When Gordon initially refuses to participate in any such confrontation Ivan resorts to challenging and subsequently killing other ninja in order to goad Gordon into battle.Having dispatched of each opponent Ivan removes their (rather crappy) Ninja headbands which he then sends to Gordon as proof of his kill (although I've seen exactly the same crappy Ninja Headbands for sale for about £2.00 in martial arts shops so he might as well have bought a few from there and saved himself some hassle)Finally Gordon is forced to accept the challenge to stop the bloodshed (although as per usual with these films despite ninja being sliced/stabbed etc there is not one drop of the red stuff in sight!!!) I'm sure that you can guess the final outcome. What can I say about this film?Well the acting/dubbing is atrocious and to call the link between the ninja footage and the footage involving the character of Billy as tenuous would be overly complimentary (it's completely none existent!)....so in other words it's all brilliant fun! If (like me) you are into bad movies then you'll no doubt be able to derive a good laugh from this one.The fight scenes are especially energetic here with lot's of flips and acrobatics and oh, did I mention that our hero wears a pink ninja uniform? Hmmmm intriguing indeed.....

It grates my potatoes when I read reviews on this site that say things like "This is worst film ever!" about films like Battlefield Earth, Pearl Harbour, etc. OK, these films are dreadful and made by people who should know better but compared to this tripe, and its ilk, I would describe Battlefield Earth as a cinematic masterpiece.I would concede that it's certainly possible to make a worse film than this but you have to be genuinely trying to make a bad film.** Spoilers ahead ** (Ha, as if you could spoil this film.)There are just so many things wrong with this film and it takes multiple viewings to spot them. E.g., at one point, John, a good guy, while trying to come up with a plan with rescue Billy's sister suggests using his adopted children a decoy! Also, the bad guy kidnaps Billy's sister early and doesn't think of using her as bait to capture Billy until right at the end of the film.Even the one thing that they seem to have put a bit of effort into - the gun-based action sequences - are bad. They're just boring and repetitive.However, I learnt several interesting things from this movie:1. Wherever this film is set, it is certainly a very cosmopolitan area. The lead character, who seems to have lived here all his life, has managed to pick up a South African accent. The evil gangsters all seem to sound Mexican and/or Asian. The women have an array of different, peculiar American accents. (Were the dubbing actors having bets on who could do most stupid voices?)2. Being brutally machine-gunned down results in no more than slight bleeding from the mouth (and then only sometimes).3. Any slight brush against a ninja's sword results in instantaneous death.4. Ninjas, i.e. stealth assassins, wear Day-Glo padded suits. A headband with 'ninja' written on it is the current must-have ninja accessory.5. Job prospects are poor for Asian ninjas nowadays. (You'd think Billy would have thought of that before going off to spend 10 years at Ninja School.) However, many of the causasian ones seem to have jobs that involve poncing about in glades.6. When a ninja dies, a windchime somewhere falls down.Nevertheless, this film is a hoot. I honestly can't decide if this it is really as bad this or if someone is taking the piss - especially with regards to the randomly interspersed ninja sequences and the godawful dubbing.Thoroughly recommended.

'Ninja Squad' is a truly bizarre film. There are two main plots - the main one being about Billy, a trainee ninja who appears to live somewhere in Indonesia and whose family is being terrorised by some gangsters. He has spent the last 10 years training as a ninja under 'The Master Ninja' who, oddly enough, is a blond-haired elderly white guy in a bright pink and silver shellsuit. In fact, all the ninjas (apart from billy) are all caucasian and all wear brightly coloured shellsuits and bands across their foreheads that say 'ninja'. An evil ninja called 'Red Ivan' is going around killing ninjas to try and prove he's better than 'The Master'. 'Red Ivan', by the way, has a bright red and gold jumpsuit.In the 'Billy' parts of the film, there isn't all that much hand-to-hand fighting - more of it is pitched gun battles. The brightly-coloured ninja bits have lots of slow-motion sword battles in them, but they're ultimately rather unsatisfying as the effects budget obviously didn't reach to fake blood.All in all a rather odd film (with a very bizarre ending) which was quite obviously a foreign film with some weird ninja stuff tacked on. Quite enjoyable, though.