The Wild, Wild Planet (1967)

Thanks for the memories!

Yo, there's no way for me to review this film without saying, take your *insert ethnicity + "ass" here* to see this film,like now. You have to see it in order to know what you're really messing with.

The film's masterful storytelling did its job. The message was clear. No need to overdo.

The story, direction, characters, and writing/dialogue is akin to taking a tranquilizer shot to the neck, but everything else was so well done.

Jack-of-all-trades director Antonio Margheriti is primarily known for his horror output, but he also took time out in the '60s to direct a handful of low-budget yet colourful science fiction epics termed "space operas". WILD, WILD PLANET is probably the most entertaining of his sci-fi movies, a fast-paced and action-packed tale involving all manner of weird and wonderful creations and colourful, tacky set designs. If one film could exemplify the swinging '60s then this retro-gem would be the one. Where else would you find caped dancers with huge butterflies painted on their capes dancing before a rapt audience? Surprisingly this film lacks an American lead this time around but there are many familiar Italian faces in the cast list. Tony Russel takes the lead as Mike Halstead and is great as the no-nonsense commander who finds himself embroiled in an extremely weird mystery. Lisa Gastoni is his pretty but cold girlfriend who finds herself in the clutches of the typical mad scientist chap, played by Massimo Serato. Serato has a ball with his good-natured but corrupted evil scientist and makes for a superb choice as a villain. A very young-looking Franco Nero also appears in the film as Jake, one of Halstead's men who will do anything to protect his boss.I find it difficult to do a linear review for a film like this so instead, I'll just create a list of all the cool stuff it has in it. Firstly, Margheriti was obviously really into his model-making phase here, as each and every shot of space vehicles or futuristic city has been created in miniature. It may not make for the most realistic science fiction film ever but it's certainly one of the most unintentionally amusing - check out the spaceship that flies back and forth on a wobbly wire! There's also a car accident which involves a model car flying off a mound of earth and is damn hilarious to watch. Elsewhere we have supposed astronauts rocking to and fro on barely-hidden wires while their fellow actors look on in surprise. We have brightly-coloured futuristic cars which somehow look very sixties in their design and unconvincing. There's a plethora of weird and wonderfully colourful costumes on display and lots of fake scientific equipment which nonetheless looks cool. The film contains a pack of female fighters who certainly have the upper hand on their male counterparts during a hotel room battle where martial arts moves are all the rage, and the women disappear into nothing when beaten. We have bald villains in black macs and sunglasses (inconspicuous see) going around and shrinking people. The miniature people are later discovered hidden inside suitcases in a state of suspended animation much to the horror of minor cast members. One such character shrinks a doctor but only half completes the process, turning the man into an unhappy dwarf! Later on we discover the bald men are in fact clones and have four arms for some reason. I don't really know why but it looks cool anyway.The film gets even better towards the end as Halstead and his men invade the enemy planet and infiltrate the base. A battle with guards takes place and lots of guys die by having blowtorches - sorry, flame-spewing guns - shot at their chests and being burnt. The good guys are later captured when a huge steel box is simply dropped on them out of the sky. The baddie takes time out to explain all of his evil schemes and we even get to see a room of genetic failures, or more realistically overacting Italians in bad makeup. It turns out that the evil scientist desires (more than anything else in the world) to merge himself with a woman! The excellent finale sees the enemy base destroyed (again mostly in miniature) by a flood of red water - I guess that's the risk you take when you build your base UNDERNEATH a huge lake! Lots of things explode and people scream as they drown, including the lead villain Massimo Serato. Luckily the good guys escape in conveniently-placed capsules and simply pop to the surface. The epilogue shows them relaxing and womanising by the poolside in a typically sexist '60s Italian way familiar to anyone who's seen a Euro-spy flick. On top of all this we have some cheesy dubbing and hilarious dialogue ("you helium-headed idiot" was a particular favourite of mine). WILD, WILD PLANET is hugely entertaining and far-out movie which is why I recommend it wholeheartedly to sci-fi fans looking for something other than the more mundane and boring fare.

**SPOILERS** Dangerous psychopaths like Prof. Nels Nurmi, Massimo Serato, are hard to crack because of their fanatical dedication in enforcing their insane theories on the rest of us. Nurmi obsessed with eugenics and wanting to create a "Master Race" has had thousands of of human beings kidnapped and sent to his secret laboratory on the asteroid of Delphos where the kidnapped victims are to be made whole or perfect by him. Delphos is protected by Nurmi's army of goons,dressed up looking like Robin Hood's Merry Men, and it's there that Nurmi and his scientist are working around the clock to prefect a perfect race of human beings.Put in charge of the missing persons phenomenon that's causing people to stay locked up and afraid to wander outside their homes is Commander Mike Halstead, Tony Russell. Commander Mike finally gets a big break in the case when one of Nurmi's Men in Black,a robot with two sets of arms dressed in a long black raincoat,messes up by unsuccessfully not kidnapping Dr. Fryd,Vittorio Bono,leaving him almost brain dead but still conscious enough to remember and talk. By examining the robot, who was short-circuited by one of Nurmi's superwomen, it's determined that he's from the Asteroid Delphos. It's then that Commander Mike is immediately sent flying to Delphos together with his two top lieutenants Jake & Ken, Franco Nero & Carlo Giustini, and a detachment of Space Rangers.It doesn't take long for Commander Mike and his men to be taken captive by Nurmi's security team, The Merry Men, where their shown by Nurmi his grandiose plan of perfecting, in his image, the human race. Commander Mike hasn't gotten that well along with the crazed Proffesor Nurmi since he made eyes on his sweetheart the very psychically fit and gorgeous looking Lt. Connie Gomez, Lisa Gastoni, whom Nurmi by sweet-talking her,in what a perfect specimen she his, stole Connie away from him. It's on Delphos that Commander Mike is doubly shocked, after finding out about Nurmi's plans for the human race, that Nurmi also kidnapped Connie and plans to fuses her together with him making what is to be, in Nurmi's sick mind, the perfect being: a both male and female humanoid who can duplicated itself without the means, of pleasure, of having sex!Of course Commander Mike and his men don't take all of this baloney from Nurmi lying down and pull off their own "Master Plan" as their about to be done in by Nurmi and his boys by having them incinerated. Catching the "Merry Men" off guard Commander Mike & Co.break out of their imprisonment and cause havoc inside Nurmi laboratory and hideout on the "Rock" Delphos.Commander Mike and his space rangers make short work of Nurmi's "Super" men and women with out as much as working up a swat. This humiliating defeat, by what he considers sub-humans, has the mad professor seeing that his dream of creating the perfect human, as well as making himself literately and biologically bi-sexual, is about to come to a sorry end pulls the lever and blows up the dikes holding back the lake that borders on his secret hideout. In what looks like a river of orange punch fruit drinks all that the mad Prof. Nurmi worked for in secret in perfecting humanity went, together with him, under the waves.Commander Mike now a hero, he was put under house arrest on orders by Nurmi earlier in the movie, gets a long long vacation and spends it doing what he likes, besides Connie Gomez, best of all; Standing on the corner, or lying by the swimming pool, watching all the girls go by.

Wish I had been old enough to see this in Theaters during it's initial "Summer Of Love" release in America. The Italian movie industry has kind of a dicey history with Science Fiction films, (see "Star Pilot"/"2+5 Mission Hydra", or almost anything by "Al Bradley" for proof), but this is by the man who started cinematic SF in Italy, with "Assignment: Outer Space", and is one of his best SF films. It's actually the start of a series, known as the "Gamma IV Quartet", and is the best of the series. Mysterious dark strangers, (who look like they just stepped out of "Thin Air", the movie) are snatching healthy folks for unauthorized experiments by a renegade Doctor, in another attempt to create a super race. Initially concerned, space cop Mike Halstead gets down and dirty when his girl, Connie, is also snatched. Very colorful, with a a nearly psychedelic approach to some effects, which offsets some of the cheesier model work. Fun stuff, followed quickly by "War Of The Planets","Planet On The Prowl", and the amazing "Snow Devils". Franco Nero left for stardom (after he made it big with "Django"), and Giacomo Rossi Stuart shows up in his place. They all use some of the same footage, and "War Of The Planets" definitely needed more effects for the big conclusion, but this seems like more of a labor of love by longtime SF fan Antonio Margherhetti. He has made a few, and provided effects for many others, (Like "Mission Stardust", the Perry Rhodan adaptation), and he continues to this day. This is one of his, and Italys, best. Hey TCM, how about running that letterboxed copy again, please!

WARNING: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS. A beautiful woman and a bald guy wearing sunglasses and a black leather trenchcoat seem to make people disappear. But, no! They are actually shrinking people (somehow) into dolls! Why, is never really explained to any satisfaction. There are more subplots going on that have already been mentioned in other comments, so I won't repeat. This movie doesn't make much sense, but that's what works for it. It is basically non-stop weirdness, and I can't recommend it enough for pure mind boggling entertainment. Unfortunately, as of this date it is not available on vhs or dvd, which is a real tragedy. I taped it off TCM in widescreen. So, keep your eyes peeled for it. If you like whacked-out Italian sci fi like this, I'd also recommend you see WAR OF THE PLANETS, WAR OF THE ROBOTS, and STAR CRASH. But really, this one takes the cake!