Never Too Young to Die (1986)

Surprisingly incoherent and boring

Very interesting film. Was caught on the premise when seeing the trailer but unsure as to what the outcome would be for the showing. As it turns out, it was a very good film.

The story-telling is good with flashbacks.The film is both funny and heartbreaking. You smile in a scene and get a soulcrushing revelation in the next.

There are moments in this movie where the great movie it could've been peek out... They're fleeting, here, but they're worth savoring, and they happen often enough to make it worth your while.

this was the worst movie i have ever saw gene simmonds was crummy in this god awful movie that looks like troma has done. speaking of troma there the best movie company ever..............FOR ME TO POOP ON there movies are crummy too gene simmonds sometimes doesn't do good movies that often except for detroit rock city that was good but this movie that gene made was stupid and down right damn stupid but the best part of all is when the movie was all over

Gene made me laugh until I cried. He took this horrible mess and ran with it. The rest of the cast...well, what rest of the cast? This one is a real stinker but if you're a hardcore KISS fan you can appreciate the utter hilariousness of Gene's performance. Don't get me wrong, this movie overall is the worst I have ever seen but if seeing Gene Simmons in drag will live on tape long enough for my grandkids to see it, then it's worth it. LOL I pull it out of the cabinet whenever I need a good gut busting laugh with a horrible script.

This movie is so horrifying, stultifyingly bad that it's total lack of anything that could remotely be termed "quality filmmaking" deserves some sort of Nobel Prize. (After which anyone involved in this project, down to the caterers, should be bundled up and sent to The Hague to stand trial for crimes against humanity.) It's one of those very rare projects that leaves your jaw dropped in sheer aghastness from beginning to end. They say "Plan 9 From Outer Space" was the worst movie ever made. No. I've seen "Plan 9" and this makes it look like "2001: A Space Odyssey."

***SLIGHT SPOILERS*** Wow. I've seen a lot of crap in my life, but this, this may truly be the worst of it all. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, I wanted to hide under my chair, but I was paralyzed with fear and disbelief.So, what happens? Well, let's see... John Stamos and his big poufy head of hair play Lance Stargrove, a high-school gymnast who wears either creepily tight jeans or scarily semi-transparent white Z. Cavaricci pants. His dad--played by George "I was James Bond once. Once." Lazenby--was some spy who got whacked for some computer disc that can contaminate! the city's entire! water supply! forever! (I guess it has some kind of water-soluble virus on it.) Vanity plays his dad's former partner or something, in a lot of spandex and bronze makeup and the two of them have to get dad's killer and find the disc. And who was his dad's killer? None other than Gene Simmons. In drag. Yes, you read that right. Gene Simmons stole one of Cher's old wigs and a few of her cheesier outfits to play a transsexual or transvestite or hermaphrodite or something--the plot is vague on this, as it is with many things. Actually, this entire film feels as though it was generated by Mad Lib. And Gene Simmons has an army of Road Warrior-rejects to do his bidding, all done up in the best "punk" attire the crack-addled, clinically insane and underpaid wardrobe lady could come up with, including that ubiquitous spike/shag synthetic "punk" wig that appeared (usually with wraparound sunglasses) in every "punk" crowd scene during the 80's. (And I say underpaid because she had to measure Stamos for those pants. And Simmons for the gold lame corset. Let us shy away from Vanity's buckskin fringed bikini altogether.) As if all this weren't disturbing enough, Robert "Freddy Kreuger" Englund appears as Simmons' lackey. And sometimes they touch each other. In unsettling ways.Other disturbing events? How about the seemingly endless and definitely pointless scene in which Vanity strips, hoses herself down, takes her top off and hoses herself down more while Stamos chomps down on a variety of apples and bananas like a 70-year-old redneck with a half-pound of tobacky stuck in his craw. How about the scene where Simmons unfurls the tongue that once rocked Detroit City and sticks it down the throat of Stamos? The array of really bad fake facial hair inexplicably sported by various characters throughout? No wonder Vanity left the entertainment industry and turned Christian: After just watching this movie, I felt like I should spend the next three years praying for forgiveness.