Hansel and Gretel Get Baked (2013)

A lot of fun.

A lot of perfectly good film show their cards early, establish a unique premise and let the audience explore a topic at a leisurely pace, without much in terms of surprise. this film is not one of those films.

There's no way I can possibly love it entirely but I just think its ridiculously bad, but enjoyable at the same time.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

The pothead Ashton Crawford (Andrew James Allen) and his girlfriend Gretel (Molly Quinn) are smoking in her room special marijuana called Black Forest supplied by the drug dealer Manny (Eddy Martin) and produced by an old lady named Agnes (Lara Flynn Boyle) that lives in Pasadena. Gretel's brother Hansel (Michael Welch) arrives home and Gretel tells that she will bake gingerbread cookie while Ashton will go directly to Agnes to buy more Black Forest. However Agnes is a witch and captures Ash to eat his flesh and drain his youth to maintain youth.Gretel seeks her boyfriend out and suspects of Agnes, but the police officers Ritter (Lochlyn Munro) and Hart (Yancy Butler) do not give credit to her words since Ritter knows that Ash is a pothead. Meanwhile the gang that supplies weed to Manny learns that he is selling Black Forest to his costumers and they threaten him and their leader Jorge (Joe Ordaz) sends a message to Agnes through Manny. However, the drug dealer is turned into a zombie by Agnes and Jorge and his gang pay a visit to her and are also turned into zombies. Soon Gretel and Manny's girlfriend Bianca (Bianca Saad) decide to break into Agnes' house and they learn that she is a powerful witch. Meanwhile Hansel goes to Agnes 's house to look for his sister."Hansel & Gretel Get Baked" is a horror dark comedy about a group of potheads and a group of drug dealers that have their lives entwined with a witch that sells weed. The politically incorrect theme might be funnier for teenage potheads but the plot is funny and the situations works reasonably well. I did not recognize Lara Flynn Boyle, one of the most gorgeous actresses until the turn of the century and now with a totally deformed face by plastic surgery the same way Melanie Griffith and Meg Ryan did. Now she is the witch without make-up. Time is cruel for everybody but it seems to be crueler for those that try to keep beauty and youth at any cost. I have also not recognized the beautiful Yancy Butler, but she is aging with dignity. My vote is six.Title (Brazil): "João, Maria e a Bruxa Da Floresta Negra" ("John, Mary and the Witch of the Black Forest")

The film is set in contemporary Southern California. The film opens with a seemingly endless montage of visuals of medical marijuana prescriptions. Eventually, we shift to a meter man reading usage at a house consuming a huge amount of wattage. He decides to investigate a bit more before calling it in. This turns out to be a mistake.Hansel and Gretel are brother and sister in an upper middle class house. Their parents are away for a while at the beginning of the film. Gretel and her friend Ashton are in her bedroom sharing a sample of weed ('Black Forest') while they listen to music. Hansel comes home and is not amused. He goes up to chat with them, and they decide to make gingerbread after Hansel describes Black Forest Cake. Ashton goes to get some more Black Forest from the little lady who lives in Pasadena (where else...). Agnes is willing to sell him the weed and to get him some munchies, as long as he does not touch her gingerbread house.Ashton does eat some of it, and is knocked out by it. He awakes to find Agnes basting him. She starts eating him while he is still alive: first an eye, then roasted lower leg. Gretel makes a lot of calls since she expects him back. Next day, she starts asking his stoner associates where he might be. She gets Agnes' address from Manny, then convinces Hansel to drive her there. Agnes manages to fend off her inquiries.The police call the power company to ask about a missing van about to be towed. The company acknowledges this, and the van is towed. Hansel and Gretel call the police, but the interview does not go well since they are unwilling to provide specifics about Manny, or Gretel's own drug use. Officer Hart takes Agnes' address anyway. Gretel is disappointed; Hansel is resigned.Agnes seems to be more of a succubus than a cannibal. Sucking Ashton's spirit out of his body seems to do more for her than eating his flesh.Carlos decides to horn in on Manny's action with the Black Forest High. Manny goes to Agnes and tells her about Carlos' demands. Agnes is unimpressed. She sends Carlos an insulting message, then kills Manny. Gretel posts signs about Ashton. Carlos, Jorge, and Octavio visit Agnes. This proved to be a bad idea for them.The power company continues investigating the power spike. Sam's son (one of the stoners who gave up Manny to Carlos) divulges the location of the new weed, and Sam reports it to her boss. He personally continues the investigation from the power usage angle.Gretel and Bianca decide to look for Ashton and Manny at Agnes' house. While Bianca talks to Agnes, Gretel breaks into the basement, and searches. She finds a piece of shirt that she recognizes. Soon she finds Octavio, or at least his voice. Agnes prevails again.Hansel heads to Agnes' house once he sees Gretel's text. The police get a missing person's report on Ashton. The power company is zeroing in.Will Agnes maintain her household against all these challenges?-----Scores------Cinematography: 7/10 Mostly excellent, but many of the interior shots were not so good.Sound: 10/10 No problems.Acting: 6/10 Molly Quinn, Lara Flynn Boyle, Reynaldo Gallegos, and Yancy Butler were all fine. Bianca Saad was rather fun. Michael Welch, Lochlyn Munro, and Eddie Martin were almost OK. Andrew James Allen and Claudia Choi were terrible.Screenplay: 6/10 This one had a few continuity errors involving time of day. Some of the plot motivators were really weak. Also, just what did the power company contribute to the whole matter? The opening seemed like the film was to be a full-on stoner film with no other considerations, which turned out to be false.

A brother (Michael Welch) and sister (Molly Quinn) battle a witch (Lara Flynn Boyle) who lures teenagers into her suburban home with her special blend of marijuana where she then proceeds to kill and eat them to maintain her youth and beauty.I was mildly drawn to this title by the cast, and then further encouraged by Aaron Christensen's review calling this a "spliff riff" and giving it modest comments. Frankly, with this sort of concept, anything better than complete rubbish is all we can ask for... and this definitely ranks above anything in Full Moon's "Evil Bong" series.Some things about the film are terrible. Well, okay, many things. The lack of plot, the lack of humor, the weird subplot about the witch being a Nazi refugee that never seems to even get addressed... nor do we find out why she is involved in the marijuana business in the first place...It was great to see Cary Elwes in a cameo (even if he does not get a credit on IMDb for some reason). And it is nice to see Michael Welch branching out (we had another horror, "Demented", released about the same time). Unfortunately, this can only be seen as a step down for Lara Flynn Boyle... are her days on red carpet over?

"Hansel & Gretel Get Baked" is horror/comedy directed by Duane Journey which stars Lara Flynn Boyle, Michael Welch, Molly C. Quinn, Edward Zo and Bianca Saad. Actually there are a lot of cool lesser known actors in the film that have some cool moments on screen but for me the story focused more with Lara Flynn Boyle's fun and comfortable portrayal of a stoner witch who eats kids to maintain her youthful beauty. The story is as you would guess a modern day retelling of the classic Grimm story. Quite frankly I cannot believe it took this long to make this sort of movie because it just seems that the pot community and the story of Hansel & Gretel where meant for each other especially as seen in this film. Also don't let the comedy part through you off because this isn't one of those funny flicks that relies heavily on the spoof shtick blatant puns. The humor here only comes from the simple and expected funny sh*t that stoner films are known for. Mostly this film stays with a classic 80's homage horror theme complete with gory effects, creepy build-ups and dark chilling overtures. The story is simple and interesting leading into this sticky, gooey tale of a witch that lures children into her home so that she may eat them. Only this witch is the kind that you would really want to get high with and Lara Flynn Boyle plays the part perfectly. The slight nuances and interactions between her and other characters made it obvious that she enjoyed playing this role. The characters of Hansel and Gretel are also pretty believable on screen. The story manages to be witty and smart with plenty of representations from the classic fairy tale present but in a very fresh concept. I mean seriously it seems as if this story should have been a no brainer years ago. I have to say if anyone dares to see any movie with "Hansel & Gretel" in the title make it this one! It manages to be a fun original spin on the concept without seeming hokey, plus the elements of horror are far more impressing than you may expect. It manages to use a darker wicked humor which brought the funny without the ridiculous. I plan to add this flick to my 4.20 celebration as the final piece on my day of horror to get high with!