Emmanuelle - The Private Collection: Emmanuelle vs. Dracula (2004)

It's fun, it's light, [but] it has a hard time when its tries to get heavy.

It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

It’s sentimental, ridiculously long and only occasionally funny

It is neither dumb nor smart enough to be fun, and spends way too much time with its boring human characters.

The dialogs are terrible, and actors are among the worst I have ever seen. Showing naked beautiful bodies does not make a film, even a sexploitation (or softcore) one. How to believe in a vampire (Robertson, "the dark one") who looks like (and acts like) a pornographic actor? If most of the many and lasting sex scenes from the film are not very inspired (not really sensual, too much confusing and clipped), just imagine the rest of the film: a catastrophe. The scene of Emmanuelle getting rid of Lucy was so unbelievably campy (and so is the following "eat this" scene)! And what the hell was the way Emmanuelle fought Robertson?! This vampire film is not a horror movie, it is a horrible movie, what is definitely not the same. What a shame!

Since first staying up until 3 AM to watch my first "Black Emmanuelle" movie (with Laura Gemser) on Cinemax as a young teenager I have (perhaps foolishly) seen just about every movie with the name "Emmanuelle" attached to the title. Trust me then when I say that this series has hit rock bottom and is feverishly starting to dig. The series never was good, but when it took itself halfway seriously it at least used to occasionally achieve camp. Nowadays it aims straight for camp and almost always fails miserably. I wish I could say that this is the worst "Emmanuelle" film ever, but there has also in recent years been "Emmanuelle's Pie" (a sorry-ass parody of "American Pie") and "Emmanuelle in Space" (an unspeakable abomination not even redeemed by a perpetually naked Krista Allen). This movie, like those, is really little more than a title dreamed up by corporate suits to separate horny, dateless fools from their money.I agree with previous reviewers that the actresses are very attractive and I give kudos to their plastic surgeons (it's amazing Dracula doesn't die of a toxic overdose of saline and silicone). But watching this or any of these other "Skinemax" premieres is like spending eternity at a strip club in the Ninth Circle of Hell watching the same female silicates doing the same routines to the same horrible music over and over and over. . . (I'm actually starting to miss the late Italian sleazemeister Joe D'Amato who would have these women manually stimulating horses or something, which might be totally un-erotic, but at least wouldn't be boring). I just can't take it anymore. So to anyone reading this: if they EVER make another make another halfway decent "Emmanuelle" movie, please send me a private message and let me know. But for right now I'm through!

*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*I saw this on cable the other night. Vampires invade a party. Emmanuelle gets suspicious. Since she is worldlier than the other girls, she knows what these undead studs are up to. Why, they want to have sex with the women! Shocking! After the girls have been with the vamps, they turn into vampire women. You'll know they're vampires by the amount of lipstick and eyeliner they use. It has to be heavy if you want to be a vampire babe. Emmanuelle must make a desperate, last ditch attempt to save her friends and the movie by finally having sex with someone. It's too late Emmanuelle."Emmanuelle vs. Dracula". That is a powerful B-movie title. It had a lot to live up to. It failed miserably. Here's another attempt to be cleverer than the movie needs to be. All of the sex scenes are edited in a blender. The camera can't stay still for five seconds. Although I've probably seen Beverly Lynne have more sex than I need to, it would have been nice if the camera would have stopped moving for a second and concentrate on her. The star of the show, Emmanuelle, doesn't even have sex until the last ten minutes! This is Emmanuelle? What the heck is she waiting for? The credits to start rolling? The worst part is her sex scene wasn't even that good.Ahh, whatever. Another late night disaster. Skip this one. There are better Emmanuelle movie out there to be seen. A lot better.

This is really the worst of this movie series (Emmanuelle the private collection) I've seen some of them but this one really disappointed me, the sex scenes were just extremely boring, nothing to do whit the rest of the series, I really didn't like'd it at all, not even the final scene, which is usually the climax of the movie, Emmanuelle's partner, -Dracula- gave up on sex, what a way to end up a movie. anyway, I expected a higher quality on the scenes but I guess the plot didn't gave too much room for imagination, I could recommend this movie only because Valeie Baber appears on it, she is really hot, but then again, on her sex scenes in this movie, she barely moved, she just laid there face up, with out any sound at all, and that is pretty much like all of the other scenes. This movie isn't exciting at all, the hottest part is when a girl is dreaming -or felling- she's being touched by Dracula, and she drives herself crazy on a beach chair, that part was pretty hot, but that's all.