Inara, the Jungle Girl (2012)

So much average

Excellent adaptation.

As somebody who had not heard any of this before, it became a curious phenomenon to sit and watch a film and slowly have the realities begin to click into place.

It's funny, it's tense, it features two great performances from two actors and the director expertly creates a web of odd tension where you actually don't know what is happening for the majority of the run time.

I can't believe I actually sat through the whole movie! I could forgive just about everything that is wrong with this film (there's a lot wrong, believe me) if it was a college project or a home-grown piece of fun that a bunch of friends got together to make. But, as a commercial release, a viewing audience is far less tolerant. The pacing, mostly a result of really bad editing, barely gets past a crawl. Long, drawn out and repetitive shots abound, trying to make the most of the female eye candy on screen. All it succeeded in doing is boring me to death. Even with a bevy of quite attractive women, you need at least some acting chops to carry the story, as vapid as it is. Oh, here's a hint girls, acting angry does not mean you yell your lines unintelligibly straight at the camera...Fight choreography was non-existent. The final battle was completely laughable, stealing beats from 'Avatar' in the lead up to it. A group of bikini clad women sporting cast off swords and shields from '300' up against a bunch of mercenary grunts three times their size and armed to the teeth just looked like a bad joke, one which the director unbelievably followed through with.I would have given away the idea of watching it at all if I hadn't been laughing so hard. This is a film that will likely not even see the discount bins at any reputable store. Definitely one to avoid.

For one, it's not the fact that the main character played by "Cali Danger" beats up 3-guys larger than her at the beginning that I found unbelievable. 3-soldiers attacked this gorgeous woman in an alleyway, this, I took issue with. Any person can win any fight. One's ability in battle has nothing to do with what's in your pants. Someday, everyone will realize this. But no soldier, let alone 3 would attack an unarmed drunken woman in an alleyway to fistfight her, rape her--possible and unfortunate, still believable! The rest of the movie plays off that first scene, ('tough women' fight). Only, it's with model-looking jungle girls and the main one. If you can get over the factor mentioned above, you might like this film, despite the b-movie-rate acting (which I enjoy for laughs). If you think women are inferior in battle, I disagree with you and know you're wrong, but you also won't like this movie at all.

In fact, I kicked up my rating one full point just for Cali Danger. I can see why the producers fell in love with her and built a vehicle for her. If I had the resources, I sure would have made a fool of myself over her at a different point in my life, absolutely. Not sure if that's supposed to be her stripper name or something, but she is superb and really, really easy on the eyes.Oh, the movie. Right. It did lack a little cohesion, but I got that they were inspired by a "Kill Bill" - esque feel most notably in the opening sequence, but then they seem to have forgotten about it pretty quickly as the movie morphed into something else. To be frank, I would have been happy with 84 minutes of Cali posing, goofing around and delivering some monologues. She's just stunning.I think the best way to describe this film is lots of pretty girls, one smoking-hot, all-American, red-haired beauty and some vague plot devices that add up to a movie that is more compelling than literally hundreds of Hollywood crowd-pleasers that I couldn't stomach if they paid *me* 12 bucks, a large Diet Coke, and a box of Jordan almonds to watch more than 15 seconds of such as any Will Smith movie, any Morgan Freeman movie, any Ben Affleck movie, any Denzel Washington movie or any Jim Belushi movie, just to name a few off the top of my head.In summary, sure, it's lame, but you could do worse and it doesn't preach or try to deliver a social message and the girls are total babes.

The bad parts of this movie are so bad, they're beyond laughable... as if a guy trying to slap a girl around in the hold of a C-19 would cause the four engine transport to crash! I could go on... the fight scenes were terrible, 'specially since this flick was made by an all girls wrestling video company. Screenplay was horrible, spent a full half hour letting the heroine brood over her 'father' dying with virtually no dialog, which was better, now that I think about it, than the dialog that we finally heard. The military aspects of this movie were so bad, you wish they had hired some out-of-work vet, even a Coast Guard vet, to consult... The good parts, however were excellent. First, the girls, then the costumes, then the girls, then the cinematography, then the girls, then the dancing, then the girls, then the music, then the girls. Every movie has a place, a purpose, a use. I recommend this movie to an after-the-rugby match beer blast, a frat party where someone forgot to invite the sororities, or... if you have a pesky girlfriend you want to get rid of, a date night movie.