Teen Witch (1989)

A waste of 90 minutes of my life

This is a must-see and one of the best documentaries - and films - of this year.

One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

The film's masterful storytelling did its job. The message was clear. No need to overdo.

This is one of those movies that is bad, but good at it. The genre would be supernatural teen comedy, and the plot can be described as "highschool looser becomes an 80's Cinderella, because she's actually a witch" to save us some time. This is not a matter of lack of realism ("witch" is in the tittle, is just dumb to ask that), just a matter of a poor script and lousy execution.The ultra cheesy, badly acted, awfully written moments are hilarious and you end up loving it. Did I mentioned this has some musical numbers? A locker-room packed with uncoordinated cheerleaders that bounce around singing the stupid but extremely catchy "I like boys", and the memorable out of sync rap battle "Top that".If you like to laugh at bad movies, this one doesn't disappoint. I've seen this 5 times since i came across a VHS copy in the 90's, and it never stops being funny.

This review is coming from an 18-year-old girl's perspective, so obviously I didn't grow up in the 80s watching this movie as most of the movie reviewers here have. I may be grading this movie quite harshly comparing this movie with the current movies out, but I'm really trying not to. This movie, quite bluntly, is cheesetastic and its plot is unremarkable. Sure, it had its funny bits (((SPOILER: the lead character, Louisa, using a voodoo doll to control her teacher, who has penchant to humiliate Louisa- is a fine example))) and there were moments in the movie in which you probably weren't suppose to laugh, but you'll end up doing so anyway. There were also many predictable moments that had me rolling my eyes when I guessed correctly. If you're like me and didn't grow up in the 80s/ personally witnessed it- you will discover by watching this movie that it's 90 minutes gone out of your life that you will never get back- in my case however it's 72 minutes since megavideo cut me off. I found Dirty Dancing and Footloose much more enjoyable 80s films. However, if you're looking for witch-type films, you may enjoy The Craft much better.

Teen Witch might be one of the Cheesiest movies of the 80's.. From the dialogue, to the corny dance numbers, to the 80's outfits, some might think this movie is a mess. So What IMO makes it so watchable and entertaining. Two Words, one lady Robyn Lively.. Robyn Lively plays Louise Miller, a Teenager having trouble fitting in, at High School, getting the hunky High School Quarterback to notice her and coming out of her shell.. This all changes when on her 16th Birthday she discovers she has witch-like powers. The power to cast spells. The power to make a fool of her most annoying and evil teacher. To make the popular girls, look bad and yes even the power to make herself popular and get The Hunky QB to realize what he's been missing.. Teen Witch has enough plot problems and corny moments that unless the lead in the film was amazingly adorable and lit up the screen, it wasn't going to work. Luckily Robyn Lively does just that. She is lovable in every moment in this film. From the beginning when she is shy and awkward to her Ascension as the new, beautiful, most popular girl on campus, she makes this movie work. Watch Teen Witch once. Then watch it, a few more times. Trust me when i tell you Robyn will keep getting cuter every time you see it..

Never has there been a movie with so many tu-tus. Or simpering. Simper, simper, simper. Is that all "Louise" the snub-nosed unpopular frump can do? "Oh, Braaaad," she simpers mousily. From a frumpy, mousey girl she is magically transformed into a big-haired, make-up spackled Brad-humper by her magical "amulet" which she fondles constantly. No part of this movie is anything like real life. No teenagers acted like this. When Randa was having a party the same night as Louise were we to believe that all the people who were going to Randa's party would've supposedly gone to Louise's party? Why did it matter...the popular people weren't friends with her...that's real life, but not in this movie. Any why did the Millers live in a huge house but made her wear flour sacks and dowdy sweater vests to school? Was it their religion or something, to have to wear ugly sacks as a teen? The music and fashions of the 80's were only this bad in Teen Witch. How can any of you people think that this movie was touching or moving, or that any of the actors, namely Robyn Lively, had any talent at all? How can people think she was "charismatic" or had "quick wit"? She was a forgettable, creepy, pig-nosed talentless twit who kept speaking with this forced sibilant accent and being a real drip. Why did her parents make her dress so frumpily? Why did she suddenly have a closet full of tu-tus and redder hair which was suddenly curly and in a constant side pony-tail? And also the frosted lipstick and heavy blush....we are to believe that THIS is what makes a girl popular? The "I want to be the most popular girl" song is terrible. Some of the words are,"Gonna see some major changes comin' over me, gonna change my hair and makeup, soon you're gonna see." This movie is telling all shallow mousey teenagers what they want to hear...with some bigger hair, heavier make-up, and a closet full of tu-tu's you WILL be the most popular girl and everyone will applaud you when you walk into home-ec. Leave your drippy pal behind and go slobber on your Brad at an abandoned farmhouse, but not before a sleazy game of strip hide-and-seek. The answers to happiness are just a can of aqua-net away. Mousey girls: This should be YOUR GOAL as a teenager. Shallowness counts! Be shallow and remember Zelda Rubenstein loves you.