Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (2012)

This is a gorgeous movie made by a gorgeous spirit.

The acting in this movie is really good.

what a terribly boring film. I'm sorry but this is absolutely not deserving of best picture and will be forgotten quickly. Entertaining and engaging cinema? No. Nothing performances with flat faces and mistaking silence for subtlety.

It is an exhilarating, distressing, funny and profound film, with one of the more memorable film scores in years,

LOLWTF. How do these movies get funding?I was curious about what high, and completely insane producer paid for this rubbish but Box Office Mojo has no record of this film. Did this waste-of-everything get the green-light as a joke that maybe went too far? Was it even supposed to be released publicly? Was this a Production Co's Staff Christmas Party gag video making fun of the other more esteemed "Lincoln" production being shot elsewhere in the tmz that week? Were the producer's playing beer-pong one night and the guy who lost had to fund this movie? Or, maybe when this was pitched to them, the producers believed they were funding Abraham Lincoln:Vampire Hunter? Or Lincoln with Daniel Day Lewis? Well, I guess Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies was straight to video, but even then…who paid for the DVD replication? Do you know how many homeless and brilliant directors living on Hollywood Blvd that money could have fed for a month?I borrowed my DVD copy from the library, and I'm returning my library membership with the movie!99% of the IMDb members could have done a better job with 1/2 the funding this movie got. Was this like an 8th grade school project made with a donated iPhone (at least the aspect ratio is good-ish)? Maybe they went over budget on the fake blood, there sure is a lot of it (blood, not budget) and had to cut corners to finish the last 10 days of shooting with $136 and a Wal-mart gift card (for fake blood).I think Carmel-by-the-Sea, California's Friday Night Seniors Mystery Theater Dinner Night at the Greener Pastures Retirement Village could have done a better job acting this horrible script. Did I manage to insult everyone yet? Is Clint Eastwood still mayor in Carmel? Sorry, I'm not focusing. This is what happens when I see horrible, awful, no good, very bad movies. My 2 rating is too high, now that I think of it.The director, Richard Schtinkman, oops, Schenkman, dude don't quite your day job. Unless this is your day job and only income. Uhh, just checked out your resume, sorry bud. I guess everyone needs to make a living. Gotta love Hollywood! Hey, give your sound guy a kick in the pants, the location sound sucks! I understand you couldn't mic everyone in the only blocked shot (a static wide shot) you let role for entire scene(s), but…awe never mind. Worst. Movie. Ever.Can you imagine, some poor old sap is going to be testing out the new movie-on-demand service at Greener Pastures Retirement Village hoping to watch Spielberg's Lincoln and ends up getting Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies. Heh! Classic!Oh, BTW, I know Zombies (I got a few chained up in the basement...well I think they're zombies anyway) and Zombies don't stop and think and contemplate what people are telling them. Like seriously, you actually thought that would work in your script?Zombies are remorseless, brain eating machines with no feeling! Hello? Walking Dead, Night of the Living Dead, et al. Argh, if George A. Romero were here right now it would not be fun, let me tell you (if you could see me, you'd notice I'm shaking my fist in the air at you people).

After a decapitating introduction, we switch to what we later learn is young Abraham Lincoln. The future US President is chopping wood. Next, he chops off his mother's head. This is because Mrs. Lincoln has become a snarling zombie, with a very long tongue. Quite likely, she wants to eat young Abe. You did not know this, but when he was a mere boy of nine in Indiana, President Lincoln battled zombies. Many years later, during the American Civil War, zombies are infecting both United and Confederate State citizens. Grown up and knowledgeable about the zombie affliction, President Bill Oberst Jr. (as Abraham "Abe" Lincoln) must sharpen his blade...This looks like writer-director Richard Schenkman and his producers caught the buzz surrounding the attention-getting "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" (2012) and rushed this similarly-titled story out to scare unsuspecting viewers. It's frighteningly bad. In the leading role, Mr. Oberst often reads his lines with the tones necessary to maintain some dignity. Sometimes, he seems like the rest of the cast; confused about what their characters are supposed to be doing from line to line, and from scene to scene. Jason Vail has the most interesting part. Presidential girlfriend Baby Norman (as Mary Owens) and her likewise sexy daughter look laughably anachronistic.** Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (5/29/12) Richard Schenkman ~ Bill Oberst Jr., Baby Norman, Jason Vail, Don McGraw

Much to my surprise, I actually enjoyed Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. It was obviously silly, but had a decent atmosphere and did a credible job of blending historical events into a vampire story. So, although I knew the movies weren't related, I thought Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies might be worthwhile watching. I was so wrong!It's a dreadful movie. It features a passable performance from Bill Oberst, Jr. as Lincoln, but otherwise there's not much good to say about this. There's apparently been an outbreak of Confederate zombies after a battle, so Lincoln decides to personally lead a small force south to take them out. Lincoln has to do it, because he has experience dealing with zombies from his childhood. Now, what are you supposed to make of a movie that has Lincoln teamed up with - let's see - a mother-daughter team of prostitutes (the mother having been Lincoln's love interest long before), a very young Teddy Roosevelt, and Confederate General Stonewall Jackson? It's a serious question: what are you supposed to make of this?The zombies weren't awful. I thought they were actually more believable than the zombies in the big budget World War Z, but the plot and the dialogue was horrible. Granted, there was an attempt to fit Lincoln's assassination at the hands of John Wilkes Booth into this story-line, but the story-line itself was so ludicrous that the attempt couldn't be taken seriously.The only thing worse would be if someone decided to make a sequel by having an older Teddy Roosevelt charging up San Juan Hill doing battle with Spanish zombies. I just hope I don't give anyone an idea with that comment. (2/10)

I bought this on a double feature DVD along with "Nazi's at the Center of the Earth", and although without question "Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies is one of the worst DVDs in my collection, it is "Oscar" material compared to "Nazi's at the Center of the Earth". The Lincoln character decapitating zombies, along with a couple somewhat entertaining moments, the film at least tries to tell some kind of story, no matter how ridiculous. Nazi's on the other hand has no redeeming qualities. The fact that Bill Oberest actually delivers an interesting Abraham Lincoln character helps drag this into cream of the crap territory. I've seen worse for sure. - MERK