The Secret Village (2013)

I'll tell you why so serious

Absolutely the worst movie.

The movie's neither hopeful in contrived ways, nor hopeless in different contrived ways. Somehow it manages to be wonderful

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

I will start with what this 'film' is supposed to be about; here goes. Greg - an unsuccessful screen writer - and Rachel 'a beautiful journalist' investigate occasions of mass hysteria in some dreary backwater. This they cunningly discover may be linked to ergot poisoning!! Yes a theory that has been around since medieval times - that is investigative journalism for you.So what happens? Well the villagers are all failed am dram applicants who have a penchant for wearing monks robes with hoods; they wander about in a lack lustre way to induce a sense of 'scariness'. The plot is such a botch that even if you can be bothered to follow it you will realise it was a waste of effort. The music is all overly dramatic and tries to add some horror by being jumpy etc - needless to say it fails miserably. The camera shots are childish, the SFX look like they were done on some 1980's Nintendo and the lighting is reminiscent of an insipid wedding video I was once forced to watch.As mentioned the acting is beneath awful despite the efforts of the two 'stars' who do manage a half decent job of what is a laughable script. The rest of the ensemble should never have been put in front of a camera. We have scenes that are so obviously staged and stilted with no mood setting - just the 'shouting is acting' type approach. The sound levels vary too - possibly in an attempt to stave off a potential coma that could be induced from such turgid dross.Some of the make up is juvenile too and the whole oozing mess is about as scary as putting your knickers on back to front. I think the 'unsuccessful screen writer' may be a case of art imitating life. The editing is lamentable with scenes all over the place and obvious filler that at least give you the chance to hit the fast forward. There is not one reason to see this atrocity and thousands why not too - seriously avoid like an e-coli buffet.

Anyone who cares about spending their free time on good quality entertainment should not watch this movie. It was a complete waste of time, since it didn't have any good parts, acting was horrible, plot was completely random, new characters randomly popping on and off all the time, a complete mess, not a movie. The worst part was the horrible background sound, all the time playing some overly dramatic music where there was no need for that. Just don't watch it, one of the worst movies i have ever seen if not the worst one. All the good reviews are fake, because there is absolutely no one in the world who would find this movie appealing, i can assure you that.

I rarely give 1 out of 10.This film deserve 0 not 1.Plot is not existent, it seemed to me that plot writer never before wrote a plot. What a shame! Acitng is areal disaster, did these actors ever acted before? Most striking of all is that they went and wrote false reviews for this film on IMDb.It is the out-most cheater situation. Shame on you! I recommend that you make an effort and find this film and watch it. It is an example how bad films can get. It deserves that award given for the worse film of the year, what is it called The razzies? I think this film is so bad that it would not be nominated even for that award.I wish I had something else to add, but it is not worth it.

Folks, It is quite a lot of effort the crew team puts together to finish a production. In my opinion without understanding the storyline we should not be throwing some bad comments in the review. It would have helped if you had given an heads up on the storyline, in that case you would have appreciated the movie.Overall the movie as done pretty good, Camera was great and a great casting team. Music could have been better but when you follow the story I think it did not affect you. Also the location were perfect for the storyline.The Director has put together a great effort in this production and I am sure there are more good films are yet to come from him.